Episode 9: Grey
by ReyloForce
Summary: My ideas for episode 9. Kylo Ren and Rey are separated by hositility, rejection and millions of light years. This is the story about how they find each other again, how they bring balance to the galaxy and how they discover that the colour of hope, love and the Force, is a spectacular gray.
1. chapter 1

**_Part One_**

Kylo got up to his feet. He felt his chest heavy. With pain? Maybe just a glimpse. No, what was laying heavy on his chest wasn't pain, it was rage, fury. He wanted revenge. He wanted to march up to that piece of junk ship and slash the door open with his lightsaber and then kill every last one of them. And then kill her.

Destroy her.

Her.

He swallowed hard. That was stupid. Rage was good, he needed that to fuel his power, but he was trained better than this. He won't act now. He could wait. He would wait; and when the right moment would present itself to him, he won't hesitate. Just like he didn't hesitate with Han, or Luke; he won't hesitate with her. It was time he stopped telling himself that she was special. She wasn't. She was nothing. Her abilities, those were amazing, but if he couldn't have them, no one would.

Turning around, towards his soldiers he said: "Search every single corner of this planet. If any of those rats are here, I want them found and killed."

"But, Ren," Hux started but immediately stoped when Kylo glared at him. "I mean, Supreme Leader, there is clearly nobody here."

Kylo took a few steps until he came face to face with the general."What are you suggesting?"he asked ominously.

"That perhaps they have already escaped." General Hux didn't seem so sure of his own words anymore.

Kylo smiled, and it made him look even more dangerous than before. "You wish to tell me what to do?"he inquired of the general as he slowly started moving his hand, closing the Force around Hux's throat.

"N-n-no, Su..preme Lea...der," Hux chocked out.

Kylo let go of him. "Very well then. Search this island," he told the stormtroopers, "every.single.inch. NOW!"

"Where will you be, Supreme Leader? Where should we report?" Hux asked.

"I'll be on the Supremacy," Kylo answered and saw the General flinch at the mention of their former leader's ship. "My ship," he then added just to see the expression of annoyance on Hux's face.

Rey was sat on a bench looking out into space. They weren't going anywhere at the moment, Leia was trying to contact some of her old friends but nobody seemed to want to help. They didn't believe in the Resistance anymore and she didn't blame them. They were far too little in number to pose any kind of threat to the First Order. The only thing they had was hope. But Rey doubted she still had any. For herself,for them...for him.

She was so sure he was gonna turn, she had seen his future. More than that, she had seen the light in him, so much stronger than the darkness. Yet he chose wrong. And then he had made her choose. Had she chosen wrong?

Rey forced that thought out of her mind. No, she hadn't. She chose right. How could she have stayed with him? Let all her friends die? And then what, what would have happened to her, to both of them?

Yes, she had chosen right. But she knew it wasn't only for this reason; she knew that she hadn't taken Kylo's hand because she didn't want him, she wanted Ben.

It happened, quickly and naturally, just like it had happened when she closed the door to the ship. A pull in her mind, waking the force within her, and a pull in her heart, one that she chose to ignore. She looked up and there he was, like a dark lord with his black cape around his body. Something was different about him now, on Crait he had looked betrayed, almost hurt; now he looked void of any other emotion but anger.

Kylo looked around her, and for a minute, she panicked thinking he might be able to see her surroundings; but then his eyes rested on her face.

"What happened in the thrown room?" he demanded.

She said nothing.

"Where is my lightsaber?" he demanded louder this time, annoyed by her silence.

Yet, she didn't reply. But she could feel her body tense.

Kylo smashed his gloved fist on the table and she jumped; that satisfied him. "Fine," his voice was eerily calm, "you don't want to talk? I'll talk." He moved around the table and walked up to her as he spoke. "The Resistance's days are numbered. I am going to hunt you down and kill every last of those rats you call friends." His voice grew quieter as he moved closer to her. When they were only a few inches apart, he scooped down to her level and looking her straight in the eyes, he whispered: "I am going to burn whatever is left of your pitiful Resistance and I am going to destroy you, scavenger."

He was gone the next second, the connection between them breaking. Rey found it hard to breath. He had done this before, he had threatened her and said awful things before, but something was different this time. Something in him seemed to have snapped, the very thin cord that was still connecting Kylo Ren and Ben Solo had finally broken. Ben Solo was truly dead.

Rey felt the warm tears on her cheeks and she felt angry. She had already shed too many tears for a man that didn't deserve them; a man that couldn't be saved.

"Rey?"

She heard Finn's gentle voice behind her and she quickly wiped her tears before turning around to face him.

"Yes, Finn." She smiled at him.

"Are you alright?" He gave her a curious look.

"Of course," she said as she got up. "So, do we know where we're going yet?"

He smiled and nodded. "Somebody replied to General Organa's call. Poe is taking us there right now."

"Is Poe flying the Millennium Falcon as we speak?" Rey questioned, narrowing her eyes.

"He's a great pilot," he reassured her.

"Is Chewie with him?"

"I don't know where that thing is and I don't think it likes me." Finn confessed.

"Maybe you should stop refering to him as a thing and see where you go from there," she said as she started exiting the room.

"Where are you going?"he asked, following after her.

"I'm going to check on Poe. You should get some rest." She gently patted his arm and smiled at him, then left towards the cockpit.

 **AN: so I decided to give this a go...let me know what you guys think and if you want to read more of this. Also, make sure to check out my other story Reylo Oneshots :)**


	2. Part Two

**_Part Two_**

Rey entered the cockpit and stood there for a second, watching Poe fly the ship further and further away from Crait. It felt strange, leaving him behind gave birth to an odd feeling inside of her: guilt.

"You good over there?"Poe asked without turning around.

Rey was shook out of her reverie. She had been alone for so long, it was hard to remember sometimes that there were now people all around her.

"Yeah," she replied, a bit hesitant.

"Wanna join me?"he asked as he nodded towards the seat on his right.

Rey sat down besides him. "Where are we going?"

"Leda. It's the planet where Leia spent most of her life, that's where she became a general."

That must be where he was born, where he grew up as a young boy and... Rey stopped the flow of her own thoughts. She had to stop linking everything to him. It was as if he was a spec in her eye, always there, and now visions and thoughts were only able to form and exist around him.

"Rey!" Poe exclaimed and when she looked at him, he seemed to be expecting something from her.

"I'm sorry, what?"she asked,apologetic.

"Could you press that lever there?" He motioned towards it with his chin, before facing ahead again.

Rey did as she was told and felt the ship jolt into light speed.

"Finn tells me you're pretty good with ships," Poe smiled briefly at her.

"I know my way around this one quite well," she grinned. She loved the Millennium Falcon,in a short time, it had become her home. And now, it was saving the Resistance. She felt proud of that.

After another few moments of silence, Poe found himself asking: "So, you're from Jakku?"

Rey felt a heaviness in her chest. _You come from nothing. You are nothing._ His words kept echoing in her mind, but she refused to listen to them, just like she'd refused to listen to him in the throne room.

"Yeah, that's where I grew up. My parents, they-," she hesitated then, unsure of what she wanted to tell Poe, of what she wanted to tell herself. She cleared her throat then continued: "My parents were junk traders, they sold me for money." Rey was surprised by the lack of emotion in her voice and the lack of tears in her eyes. Keeping herself hidden, that was something she had learned from Kylo. Kylo,that name felt unfamiliar on her lips and yet, that is the one he called himself by.

"I was an orphan too," Poe spoke, his voice gentle. "My parents abandoned me and I grew up on the streets. But I always knew I wanted to be a pilot," he grinned when he said that. "So I joined the training program and then I met Leia."

There was so much tenderness in his voice when he spoke about the general, and Rey realised she liked that.

"She gave me The Resistance, and with it, a purpose and a family," he carried on. "So, I wanted to say that I am really grateful to you for helping BB-8, for saving us on Crait and for everything else you've done for The Resistance."

When he looked at her, his dark eyes were sparkling with gratitude and she felt strange. She gave him a curt nod, before directing her gaze away from his. She didn't know what to do with his gratitude, his words. She had never known how it felt to be worthy of somebody's admiration or love, how it felt to be important to someone.

But not to me.

Him. He had made her feel important, special, worthy. And now there he was, Poe, doing the same thing. But how come Poe's words didn't spark the same need in her that his words had?

Suddenly, she felt trapped in the small cockpit. Before Poe could say anything else, she excused herself and left. She needed to be alone right now.

 **AN: there you go, part 2...not sure how I feel about this one but let m know what you guys think. Thank you for all the faves follows and reviews and make sure to check my other two Reylo fanfics Reylo OneShots and When we were young**


	3. Part 3

**_Part Three_**

Kylo Ren stood tall, with his head held high and his hands clasped behind his back, listening to General Hux's speech. It was just a load of rubbish about how Snoke had been a great leader, how his death had come like a blow to the First Order but how they would rise from this even stronger than before. Hux was so convincing in his speech that if Kylo hadn't known him, he would have believed him.

Nonetheless, when it came to announcing Kylo's new leadership of the First Order, the words seemed to come out more reluctantly out of the General's mouth. Kylo could feel his hesitation so he decided to give him a slight push, using the Force. From behind him, Kylo could see the exact moment Hux became aware of the attack, as his body stiffened and he hunched forward slightly.

The General cleared his voice. "I have the...honour," the words came out strained, "of presenting to you, the new Supreme Leader of the First Order." Hux stepped to the side, allowing Kylo to move forward.

As his stepped to the front of the stage, his strides powerful and purposeful, an eerie silence fell over the multitude. When he came to a halt before them, the crowd began to cheer; they were accepting him, out of admiration or fear, he didn't know, but neither did he care. Kylo felt his chest swallow with pride, this was what he'd worked for all his life, the fulfilment of his destiny, the promise of his Skywalker blood.

He was scanning the crowd, relishing in his connection with his grandfather, in his connection with the Force, when he saw _her._ Her face appeared into the crowd, out of nowhere, and soon enough, she was the only thing he could see. Kylo felt rage cursing through his veins and heard himself panting. _Must she rob him of everything?_

Rey stood petrified before him. She couldn't, _didn't_ , want to believe Hux's words: _your new supreme leader._ That was it, he had given in to the darkness completely.

"Ben?"she called out to him, desperately trying to see if she could still find that lost boy in this monster of a man.

He looked her dead in the eye, but that was it. He didn't move, didn't even flinch; he just stared at her, perhaps though her, void of anything. Void of even his humanity.

She felt rage swell up in her chest and she lashed out at him. "How could you? How could you just take his place?"she shouted through gritted teeth, tears falling down her cheeks.

Kylo hated how much she could affect him, how much he could feel what she was feeling though the Force. Right now, it was a combination of hate and anger and fear and loss and even something resembling passion. He didn't want to feel her, didn't want to know her; he didn't want her anymore, and so he started putting up walls around his mind, shutting her out.

Rey felt a cold rush run though her body, as if she had just had an icy shower, when he pushed her out of his mind. It was so determined, so precise a move, that she knew he had trained for it. He had trained, he had learned new tricks to block her out, to keep her away from him. For some silly reason,one that she didn't care to explore, that broke her heart; and it made her feel weak. He was becoming more and more powerful everyday, he had taken his postion as the Supreme Leader of The First Order and he was preparing for a battle in which he intended to kill her, and here she was, crying because there was no light left in him. Weak and unable to keep him out of her heart and her mind when he had so easily kept her out of his.

"So be it!" Rey said, clenching her fists.

That had drawn his attention to her hands, to her soft fingers, to her skin that he had once touched and had made everything around him explode in vibrant light. He longed to touch her hand again, even if for a second, long enough to feel her warmth. As soon as he realised that need had invaded his mind, Kylo shut the door on his thoughts and suppressed his emotions. But that wasn't necessary, because by then, she was already gone

A*A*A

Rey made her way to Leia's quarters as quickly as she could. They had established their base on the Leda planet a few days ago, long enough for her to know her way around.

When she reached the General's door, she just barged in, not even bothering to knock.

"That's not quick enough we need-Rey?" General Organ asked confused as soon as Rey barged though the doors. She was in a meeting with Poe and some of the crew.

"I need to talk to you!" Rey said, not even bothering to look around.

"Very well," Leia said, seeing the plea in Rey's eyes. Turning towards her team she gently dismissed them. "We will continue this later."

They all nodded then awkwardly made their way to the door. Poe was the last one to get up and before he left, he stopped in front of Rey.

"Is everything all right?"he asked searching her eyes.

Rey let out a deep breath and smiled at the gentleness in his voice. "Yes," she replied, but her voice was hesitant.

Poe moved slightly closer, leaning forward a bit, to look into her eyes. "Are _you_ alright?"

"Ihm, yeah," she said, more determined this time, "I just need to talk to Leia."

"Okay," he gave her a half smile, then left. Rey didn't miss the way his shoulder had brushed against her own when he passed her, and neither did Leia; but either of them said a thing.

General Organa sat down on a sofa and invited Rey to take a seat as well; silently, she did.

"Well?" Leia prodded.

Rey looked into the woman's eyes and knew she should have done this earlier. "It's about Ben."

"Ben?" Leia's lip quivered and her eyes were already filling with tears. "Is he..."she found she couldn't bring herself to ask whether her son was still alive.

"No, no," Rey exclaimed as soon as she understood what Leia wanted to ask. What she didn't fully comprehend was the feeling of panic that thought arose in her chest. "He's fine," Rey reassured her, "I just need to tell you about him."

Leia didn't say anything, only allowed Rey the space to talk.

"Ben and I," she started, "we have a bond, a Force bond." She searched Leia's face, trying to see if she could understand what she was trying to say, when the woman nodded, she carried on. "It started on Ahch-To, we can see each other and talk. We can also _feel_ each other." She found it hard to look at her when she said that, so her gaze shifted to the ground. "I tried to stop the connection, tried to block him out, but it was as if we were tied together. And so we started talking and I saw something in him," she said, finally looking at Leia again, her eyes full of ardour, "I saw light in Ben. And then one night, when we touched hands, I saw his future. Leia, I saw him turn to the light!" Rey's eyes shone with tears. "So I went to him, and he took me to Snoke, but when Snoke ordered him to kill me, he didn't. He killed Snoke instead. And I thought he would turn, come home with me. But he didn't. He asked me to join him and I refused. That's when we broke the lightsaber."

There was a long moment of silence. Leia was pondering all Rey had just said, all the implications of her words. She only had one question. "Why are you telling me this now?"

"Our force bond, it's still there," Rey admitted, "and today, I saw him. But there was no Ben, what I saw was Kylo Ren, being named the new leader of the First Order." Rey felt a tear trickle down her cheek, but she didn't wipe it away, she only studied Leia's expressions carefully.

There was a battle within the old woman. Feelings of hope and joy coming against fear and anger, and battling with old feelings of guilt, all wrestling in her chest. She got up from her seat and started pacing around the room.

"Tell me, Rey," she spoke after a while, her voice soft,yet demanding, "what did you see in my son's future?"

"I saw..."

 **AN: Thank you for reading:) also, please make sure to check out my other Reylo fanfics Reylo Oneshots and When we were young ;)**


	4. Part 4

**_Part Four_**

"I saw..." Rey closed her eyes for a moment as the memories of that night flooded her mind. She was surprised by how vividly she remembered it all. The crackling of the fire, her wet clothes, the sound of his voice and the touch of his hand. Everything about that night...

 _Flashback_

 _It was ironic, the sound of the pouring rain outside of the hut, reminded Rey of all those nights she spent alone on Jakku. No, it hadn't rained, but it had been just as cold, just as lonely. She remembered praying for her parents to come back, remembered crying herself to sleep, remembered yearning for someone she could talk to. Anyone._

 _She raised her gaze to look at the man in front of her, the most unlikely of friends. But he was there, somehow, thorough a strange and tenuous Force bond, he was there; and he was more than she had ever had._

 _"I've never felt so alone," she admitted to him._

 _His dark eyes softened and he leaned forward, closer to her. "You're not alone," he whispered._

 _Rey recognised the need in his voice and the look in his eyes, it was the same as hers, it was loneliness. It was an aching need for someone to see, someone to know how it feels. She knew. "Neither are you," she breathed out._

 _She watched a muscle in his jaw clench, saw his eyes glimmer with the comfort of being understood. This was the most intimate she had been with any human being, ever; and yet it didn't feel close enough. Pulling her hand from underneath the blanket, Rey reached out her hand to him. If he was taken by surprise, he didn't show it; instead, he leaned in even more, as if to close the galaxies-wide distance between them, then swiftly pulled out his glove and discarded it on the floor._

 _Rey drew in a sharp breath as his naked fingers were moving closer to her. The anticipation made her heart beat so fast she could hear it in her ears. His movements were very slow and deliberate, as if he felt the need to tiptoe around this connection that could so easily be broken. He was moving closer and closer, skin grazing against skin, fingertips almost touching and then...they did. They both drew in a shaky breath, then looked at each other; and there, buried deep into the dark pupils of his eyes, she saw his future, solid and clear._

Rey squeezed her eyes shut, then slowly relaxed them. "I saw myself," she whispered, almost scared to say it out loud.

Rey felt the weight of her words echoing in the room, but Leia was silent. She didn't really want to continue, didn't really want to reveal what she had seen; it felt too _personal_. But she knew Leia was the only one who could help her, the only one who would understand.

"I saw me, smiling at him and stretching out my hand, and I didn't see him take it but I knew he would," she carried on despite her hesitation. "And then I saw Ben, on his knees, and then the two of us, fighting side by side, both our lightsabers were grey and then, we were together, on Ahch-To, just listening to the waves. Him and I and the Force... _we were one_."

When Rey finally opened her eyes, Leia was across the room, her hand covering her mouth, looking right at her.

"Thank you, Rey,"she said with gratitude. "I know that wasn't easy for you. But thank you for giving me hope."

Rey only nodded, humbled by the princess' words.

"You know," Leia carried on, motioning to their surroundings, "this planet, is where Ben grew up. I believe that if we are to bring him back, we must bring him here."

Rey felt awful for saying the words she would say next, but she had to voice her fears. "What if we can't bring him back?"

Leia closed her eyes, very briefly, and touched her lips with her fingers as if to stop a whimper from coming out. She drew in a shaky breath before she continued: "Then we must prepare for war! Rey, I'm not foolish enough to wait for the First Order's mercy but will hope against all odds that Ben _will_ come home," Leia's voice was passionate, her eyes fiery. "Now, I know this is much to ask, but I would like you to promise me that you will try to bring my boy home."

Rey got up from her seat and closed the space between them. Taking Leia's hands into her own and gazing directly into her eyes she vowed: "I will do everything that is in my power to bring Ben home!"


	5. Part 5

**_Part Five_**

Kylo woke up gasping for air. His heart was beating violently, his head was pounding and his hair was stuck to his face. Sitting up in bed, he ran his fingers through his hair, pulling it away from his face. His naked chest was glistening with sweat in the dimly lit room.

Kylo Ren rested his elbows on his knees and dropped his head, trying to even his breathing. In and out. Inhale and exhale. Slower, calmer, peaceful deep breaths; which he realised weren't his own. He swallowed hard.

 _No_.

She couldn't be _here_ , not now, not when he felt so raw and vulnerable. They were a recurring thing, his nightmares, about his father, his uncle, her; they tormented him every night, waking him from his slumber and leaving him feeling torn apart.

 _And now she was here._

Kylo turned to his left, he could feel her there, could feel her Force and her presence, so agonisingly peaceful. He turned towards her, ready to spat out something cruel, something that would make her feel just as raw as him, but when his gaze fell on her body, he realised she was sleeping. Sleeping, soundly and with her back turned to him.

 _How had the Force connected them in their sleep?_

Part of him wanted to wake her up, gently, so that they could talk about this, explore this puzzling bond they had. Part of him wanted to shake her awake, so that she could share in his confusion and vulnerability. And yet another part of him was exhausted, and it didn't want to fight with Rey and it didn't want to be with Rey; it just didn't want Rey at all. Well, that was a lie. He wanted Rey, he had always wanted her too much; he wanted her to be by his side, wanted to combine his powers with hers to see the extraordinary things they could create.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Kylo laid back in bed, sitting on his side, staring at her sleeping form. She seemed smaller somehow, more fragile. He found himself staring at the nape of her neck, fascinated by the little dark hairs that curled there. He followed the shape of her spine with his eyes, down her back, up until where the blanket covered her body. It wasn't cold in his room but he wondered if perhaps it was cold in hers, because he could see goosebumps on her arms exposed arms. Instinctively, he reached out for the blanket and pulled it over her shoulder, barely touching her at all.

She stirred in her sleep and he stopped what he was doing, his breath caught in his chest. He allowed himself to breath again only when her breathing evened as well. He found himself drawn into the rhythm of her breathing: in and out, inhale and exhale. Before he knew it, his breath followed the same pace as hers.

Staring at the scavenger, asleep, only mere inches from his body, Kylo realised he didn't feel alone anymore; and that unsettled him. But it was late, and his eyes had already began to close and his breathing became deeper and deeper and for now, he just wanted rest.

 **AN: Make sure to check out my other two Reylo fanfics: Reylo Oneshots and When we were young :)**


	6. Part 6

**AN: Welcome to everybody who's joined this story! Thank you so much for the reviews and fave and follows! I will keep going with this story and hope you like it ;)**

 ** _Part 6_**

"I took the liberty of informing the Knights of Ren of our current situation," Hux said, standing behind him, his hands clasped at the back, "Supreme Leader," he then added reluctantly.

The man's nerve almost amused Kylo. This was blatant defiance and he knew that, but he wanted to toy with Hux, wanted to allow him to believe he might be winning, so that when he would lose, he would know that Kylo had been the one holding the power all along. Power, it had always been what he wanted, what he craved for. He had always had abilities but was never allowed the power. Now, he was the Supreme Leader, ruler of the galaxy, and finally, ruler of his own destiny. There was no more Snoke, no more Luke, no Jedi or Sith, it was just him. When the thought of her almost started forming in his mind, just the first sound of her name, he crushed it like he would a cockroach.

 _It was just him._

"What do you think, Supreme Leader?" Hux pushed when he didn't receive an answer.

Kylo let out a sardonic laugh. "What I think is that you took liberties that you shouldn't have, General," he said, pushing a button on the table that caused the 3D map of the galaxy to disappear. "Nonetheless, I am please you have contacted the Knights of Ren, after all, they should celebrate their master's new position of power."

Turning around, Kylo saw the confidence and vanity vanquish from Hux's features. If he had intended to scare Kylo, it hadn't work, and if he merely wanted to annoy him, well, Kylo wanted to let him believe he hadn't.

"I assume you will personally be in charge of accommodating our guest, since you are so eager," Kylo's voice was sweetly malicious; Hux nodded. "Then I shall leave it in your hands."

A*A*A

Kylo was observing the droid working, placing the black, broken pieces of his mask back together. Somehow, that image reminded him of his own heart and that unsettled him. But what truly frightened him, was the memory of the vision that image arose: her face, her glowing light, her placing the dark pieces of his heart back together, mending them, handling his heart carefully and patching it with pieces of light. That was what he had seen in that cold, little hut, and that was what he had been left with in the cold emptiness of his room after. That was what had made him plead with her that day, his need, his longing to be whole. He had never felt that, he had always been torn, even in his own blood he was torn between the light and the dark. And then she had showed up, offering him something he couldn't bear refuse. A silly girl, a scavenger, turned out to be the one who knew him, the one who called him by his name.

"Ben..."

The sound of her voice took him out of his thoughts and his body grew tense, sensing her presence so near. Immediately, he became aware of her presence in the force. There it was, always, a vague idea of her feelings, just the outline of her thoughts; today, right now, she felt... _disappointment_? He put all his defences up, as soon as he realised that feeling was directed towards him. He didn't speak, he waited for her to voice her accusation.

"You're making another mask," she stated.

There was something in her voice, something he couldn't quite put his finger on. Something that resembled concern. He didn't want her to be concerned about him, he wanted her to fear him. He felt the muscles in his jaw twitch and he clenched his fists.

"You don't want to talk?"she asked moving in front of him. Kylo looked up at her, his expression unreadable. "Fine, I'll talk."

It almost made him smile, the way she was repeating his own words back to him. It always felt like that with her, like going in circles, always coming back to the same things, always coming back to her calling him Ben. He was surprised by the almost violent need he had to hear her say his name again the way she did, the way _only_ she could. He clenched his fists tighter and chased that thought away.

He watched her take a stand in front of him, shoulders squared, feet planted firmly on the floor, like she was about to deliver a declaration of war. Maybe she was, and if she was, how silly was it that he was focusing more on how her hair had grown and how her clothes looked different than they had a few months ago.

She let out a deep breath. "The First Order's day are numbered." She seemed to be thinking hard, concentrating on what she was going to say next. "We are coming after you, and we will chase you to the ends of the galaxy if need be. This war _will_ finish and the Light _will_ win."

Her speech war heartfelt, passionate, beautiful, but it was useless. It was just words, words trying to call things into being. That's not how it happened, that's not how wars were won. Wars demanded sacrifice, blood, sweet and tears, and Ren was ready to give all that just so that he could win. Wanting to dismiss her, her turned his attention back to the work the droid was doing on his mask.

"But make no mistake," she carried on regardless, moving closer to him, "I will fight for you, Ben."

He felt the breath catch in his throat.

"I believe in who you can be in the Light and I believe in the future I've seen for you," she carried on and Ben closed his eyes. "So Kylo Ren," she struggled to say that name, "I will destroy you, if that means Ben can be free."

Kylo looked at her then, eyes boring into hers, nostrils flaring, but she didn't back down. And now there they were, in this small lab, and millions of galaxies away, both of them standing tall, as the Force floated around them. Hers was light and his was dark and in that moment, they contrasted more than they'd ever done. But, unbeknownst to both of them, somewhere in the middle, two very small fragments of light and dark had connected and mixed, now turning grey. There was one piece, one tiny piece, each had already relented to the other.

And there was no turning back from that.

 **AN: Make sure to check out my other two Reylo fanfics: Reylo Oneshots and When we were young :)**


	7. Part 7

**_Part 7_**

Rey plastered her back to the wall and closed her eyes. She let out a deep breath. _What had she done? Why had she said all of those things to him? Did she believe those words? And if so, how was she gonna keep true to them?_

She knew that's what Leia had asked of her and that's what she had vowed to do, but still, she hadn't recognised the confidence in her own voice when she had delivered that speech. Now, she couldn't help but wonder if she was trying to convince him or herself, or both.

The fact that she didn't have an answer to her own questions unsettled her. But what disturbed her most, were the feelings that had taken over her when she had seen the mask: the fear, the concern, none for herself, all for the man before her. Well, not the man, she hadn't seen the man Kylo Ren just then, she had seen the little Ben, young and scared, wanting to hide away from the world; the little boy that was running away from pain, turned into a man that was running away from the light.

Rey felt a deep ache in her chest, an ache that made it harder to breath. She knew that pain too well, knew the brokenness, the need to run away. But until she had met Ben, she had never been tempted by the darkness; and now, something was pulling her towards him more and more. _Was it the darkness in him? Was it the Force? Or was it something else?_

Rey leaned her head against the wall and squeezed her eyes shut, letting out a groan. Her head was too full, her heart too overwhelmed; life had been much simpler on Jakku where she only had one thing to do-survive until her parents returned. Of course, now she knew that they never would have returned, that she would have spent her life waiting in vain, because her parents were dead; that was a type of grief she was still learning to live with. It was easy, forgetting how long she had been alone when she was surrounded by people all the time on the base; but at night, when she was by herself, she would remember exactly how those long lonely nights on Jakku had felt. That's when she would imagine an ocean, and the island, and then his face, _always_ his face lately, and his voice, calming and caring: _Don't be afraid, I feel it too._ It was funny how he could be millions of light years away and still make her feel less alone. That was something she didn't usually care to admit, even to herself, but now she was alone and it was quiet in the empty corridor, and she felt like she could. Plus, they had shared something, something had transpired between them that changed things; how, she didn't yet know.

Finally feeling steady on her feet, Rey started down the corridor. It was a long, winding corridor leading to the main meeting room. On her way there, she passed the recovery room Rose was in; she saw Finn with her inside and she stopped to watch them. The window was a one-way mirror, so they couldn't see her. Rose was sat up in her bed, engrossed in Finn's story. Dressed in a white gown, she looked better today: there was a hint of colour in her cheeks, her bruises were fading away and her wounds were healing. From behind the glass, Rey couldn't hear Finn's story, but she could see Rose throw her head back with laughter and she smiled. She was so happy that the two of them had found each other; but, if she were to be honest with herself, she found she longed for the same thing as well.

"They look great together, don't they?"

Poe's question startled her. She must have not heard him come down the corridor and stop beside her.

She smiled at him then looked back at the two. "Yes, they truly do."

She had grown more comfortable around Poe in the past months. Perhaps it was because they were both training other pilots, perhaps it was because of their devotion to Leia or the fact that Finn was always with Rose. Perhaps it was neither of those things, perhaps it was because she felt at ease with him.

"They've got nothing on me and BB-8, though," Poe joked.

She laughed. "Hmm, I don't know, I feel like me and Chewie just get along better,"she teased.

He raised a dark eyebrow. "Oh, really?" Rey nodded, which made Poe carry on, "Me and BB-8 make the best team!"

"Yeah,"Rey grimaced, "not so sure about that."

"Wow, are you saying that you and Chewie make a better team? Because I can prove to you, we," he said, pointing his thumb towards himself, "work together better than you guys."

"Oh, really?"Rey challenged.

Poe nodded vehemently. "Really."

"All right," Rey said, folding her arms together, "then how about we test that out?"

Poe shrugged nonchalantly."Anytime and anywhere, sweetheart," he winked at her.

Rey rolled her eyes. "Well how about now?"she asked smirking. "You two and us two, we'll race."

"Fine. But you can't use the Millennium Falcon!" Poe pointed out.

"Fine. Me and Chewie can handle whatever." Rey bragged.

"Oh, we'll see about that."

A*A*A*

"Whoooho, what was that, Dameron?" Rey questioned, as she exited her cruiser.

"What?" Poe faked innocence.

"That move!" She narrowed her eyes and pointed an accusing finger at him. "You cheated!" From behind her she heard Chewbaka give a loud "Arrrr" in agreement. "See? Even Chewie says so!"

"What?" Poe feigned outrage. "I would never."

Rey rolled her eyes. "Whatever, you just cheated because you knew you couldn't beat me and Chewie fair and square." She poked him in the arm, then turned around to give him access to her protection gear. It was something that they did now, after she had struggled to take the gear off herself the first few times, Poe had offered to help and now it became a thing they did every single time. It was like a dance, they would always do it as they were walking to their lockers, she would turn her back to him, then he would quickly undo the bonds, which allowed her to take the gear off.

When he was done, Rey turned around to face him again. "You know, I never pictured you as a cheater, Dameron." She shook her head at him but smiled.

He gave her a cheeky grin. "Well that makes two of us, because I never pictured you as a liar."

Rey gasped. "How dare you?"

He just wiggled his eyebrows, which made Rey roll her eyes. "Think fast," she said, throwing the rucksack at him.

He caught it just in time. "What's this for?"he asked.

Rey shrugged, walking away from him. "Nothing, just didn't feel like carrying it," she said and heard Poe laugh in her weak.

 **AN: First of all, thank you for all the faves, follows and reviews! You guys are awesome. Second, I know this took longer to update but I felt like I needed to write the following 3 chapters all in one go...so make sure to keep an eye out for the next one :)** **Also, please make sure to check out my other two fanfics: Reylo Oneshots and When we were young xxx**


	8. Part 8

**_Part 8_**

A couple of weeks had gone by since Rey had made those declarations and Kylo still couldn't shake it off. They had been connected through the Force a few times but either of them ever said a thing. At times, he was too busy, sitting in a meeting with the generals of the First Order, he just saw her there, all of a sudden, taking the place of one of his generals. She had kept quiet, only observing him, listening in to what they were saying, but there was nothing that could have been of use to her. Other times he would be by himself and she would appear, working or fixing something next to him. Sometimes he wondered if she knew he was there, but then she would do something, the smallest of gestures, the slightest change in the way she was breathing, something that would tell him she knew, she had acknowledged him.

He had also grown more attuned to her Force signature, more aware of her presence in the Force, of her thoughts and feelings. There was never anything clear, her mind was stronger then it had been that time on StarKiller Base, but he knew hat regardless, he would never try to enter her mind again. Not for her sake, but for his own. Searching into her mind had left him so open, so vulnerable to her and that is not how he wanted to feel around Rey.

Kylo closed his eyes for a brief moment, clearing his mind of anything that had to do with her; when he opened them, he saw the six Knights of Ren enter the boardroom, accompanied by Hux. Whilst their faces were covered by masks, Kylo could feel their envy and resentment radiating through the Force. He had always been more stronger in the Force than all of them; nonetheless, he chose to wear his mask as well. Hux was sat at the opposite end of the table, facing Kylo, whilst the Knights sat on either side, facing each other. He had noticed how Kara Ren and Aeneas Ren had taken the seats right beside him on either side, they had always been the most obedient, the ones most fascinated by his power. Towards the end of the table, on either side of general Hux, was where Hera Ren and Zeno Ren were sat; they had always been the most defiant. Kylo wouldn't be surprised if Hux had already managed to turn them against him. The ones left were Dai Ren and Cyrill Ren, neither loyal, nor particularly faithful, which meant they could be easily compromised. Kylo Ren looked around this room filled with people he knew he could never really trust and felt alone. Briefly only, what he felt most was pride, he was so powerful that people felt threatened by his very presence and that's what he'd longed for all his life. Now, not only was he his own master, he was the master of the galaxy.

"Well, I believe congratulations are in order, Master," came Hera Ren's metallic voice.

Kylo smiled to himself. It was such an obvious test, he believed he had trained his knights better. "Hera Ren, talking when you were not given permission to is an act of defiance," he spoke, his voice,

even though distorted by the mask, sounded calm and cold. "Also, your suggestion is an insult to our former Supreme Leader. We are still mourning his loss."

"Of course, Master Ren," Hera said. She seemed just as confident as she was before, but Kylo could feel her hesitation and fear through the Force.

"Now, we should discuss more pressing matters, such as what have you been doing in my absence?" Kylo demanded.

"Master, if I may?" Zeno Ren inquired, not wanting to repeat Hera's mistake. "Everything has been carried out as you and Supreme Leader Snoke have indicated. I believe I speak in the name of us all when I say we never would have strayed from your orders."

Kylo moved his head into Zeno's general direction. "No," he said, and felt the surprise of his followers, "you may not speak in the name of everyone. In fact, you may not speak again until asked to."

"Yes, Master-" Zeno started.

"Supreme Leader," Kylo quickly interrupted him.

Zeno cleared his voice,"Yes, Supreme Leader," he corrected himself.

"Supreme Leader?"

It was Hux who spoke then and Kylo took a moment to study his features. There was a hint of disappointment in his eyes that his plan to intimidate him hadn't worked, but there was also relief, miserable relief, that he was not the only one humiliated; that in fact, he now felt he was one of the most powerful people in the room.

"Perhaps you wish to inform the Knights of Ren of the plans of the First Order," Hux suggested.

 _"Ben!"_

Her panicked voice erupted in his mind and he was deaf to anything else for a moment. He didn't understand what had happened, he couldn't see her, she wasn't there, but somehow she seemed to contact him thorough the Force. But what was most important, she seemed scared.

 _"Ben! Help!"_ came her second cry and then the sound of rushing water _. "Please! Help me!"_

"Supreme Leader?" Hux questioned.

For a moment, Kylo had forgotten he wasn't alone, he had forgotten there was anything in the world besides Rey's pleading voice. Abruptly, he got up from his chair, the table shaking in his wake. He could feel the confusion of everybody in the room.

"This meeting is finished," he dismissed them coldly, trying to focus on Rey'e voice again.

 _"Please! I need you!"_

Ben clenched his fists, never had he felt more powerless. Not when his father abandoned him, not when his uncle tried to kill him; but now, now when this girl was pleading for his help and he could do nothing.

"But, Supreme Leader," Hux stammered.

"I said LEAVE!" Kylo growled.

In seconds, the room emptied. Once alone, Kylo took the mask off and tossed it to the ground.

 _"Rey?"_ He reached out with his thoughts but he couldn't find her.

He tried again. "Rey?"he said it aloud but the connection between them didn't seem strong enough. He realised he had started breathing harder, the amount of power he was using was draining him of strength; he didn't care. "REY!"

All of a sudden, she appeared in front of him in flashes and erratic images. She was somewhere underwater, drowning. Sometimes resurfacing and crying for help; mostly, she was tossed under by the waves. There was something else, the water, it wasn't just blue, there was a red tint in it, she had been injured. Kylo searched her body for injuries and found the cause of her bleeding: a gash in her leg. He tried to move closer to her.

"Rey," he called her name again, his voice sounded as if he was underwater as well. "Rey, I'm here," he was trying to draw her attention to him but she didn't seem to see him.

He saw her lips staring to turn blue and he pushed through the Force, trying to get closer to her. "Rey!"he called out again when he saw her eyes starting to close.

For a moment, she looked in his direction and he realised she could finally see him. "Ben?" The question fell off her lips just as she was rendered unconscious.

Ben tried to reach out his arm, tried to reach out through the Force, but nothing happened. He felt panic rise in his chest, felt suffocated by it. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to make the Force obey him, bend it to his will so that he would be able to help Rey.

A strong arm pushed through the torrent of water and grabbed Rey pulling her to the surface. By the time Kylo opened his eyes, he was back into the boardroom, panting for air, as if he had almost drowned as well.

 **AN:** **please make sure to check out my other two fanfics: Reylo Oneshots and When we were young xxx**


	9. Part 9

**_Part 9_**

Poe had found Rey just in time. A second more and she might not have made it; but he didn't want to think about that, he was afraid of what it might do to his heart. Standing beside her hospital bed, watching her sleep, still wearing his jacket, Poe wondered when he had grown so attached to this girl. When had his feelings become something more than brotherly love.

Poe reached out to take Rey's hand in his own but when she stirred in her sleep, he decided agaisnt it. It was better to let her rest for now. Checking all the aparatus was working well for one last time, he exited the room.

A*A*A*

Kylo didn't know if this connection had been forged by the Force alone or by his own need to make sure she was ok. Regardless, he found himself in the corner of a small hospital room, just watching Rey sleep. She would have looked so peaceful, if it wasn't for the unnatural colour of her lips. There was something else that bothered him as well about her appearance, but it had nothing to do with her health. It was the jacket, she was wearing the jacket of that infuriating pilot. Kylo decided to crush the feeling that came with that particular thought.

Studying her form, his eyes reached the place on her leg where he knew her injury was. Covered by the blanket, he couldn't see if the wound was healing, so he reached out through the Force to feel it.

"Ben?" He heard Rey's groggy and confused voice.

He looked at her, her eyes were sleepy and tired. "Are you alright?"he asked, calmly, almost tenderly.

She tried to nod but winced. "I think so. Why, why are you here?"

He shrugged, but her question had actually taken him by surprise. "The Force?"he offered.

"Of course," she seemed disappointed by his answer. Rubbing her eyes with her hands, she sat up in bed, trying to be more awake. "What happened?"

"You called to me, when you were in distress," he explained, betraying no emotion.

"And you answered?"she asked genuinely surprised.

He felt the corner of his lips tug upwards. "I did."

Her eyes widdened. "Well then, thank you,"she said, her voice small.

He nodded.

"But why did you?" Her question had taken him by surpise, she realised when he turned around, not wanting to look at her anymore. She felt weak, yet, she decided to push him. "Hm, why have you when you said you want me dead?"

"I wasn't the one to save you," came his cold and defensive tone. Turning around he said, "It was that famous pilot who saved you. The one whose jacket you're wearing!"

Rey looked down at her body, surprised by how much his words had sounded like an accusation. _Was it?_

"Oh," she said, "I see." Kylo turned around again and she used that time to take the jacket off and lay it beside her on the bed. She didn't know why she had done that, didn't know why the jacket had bothered him; she only knew she didn't wish to hurt him. "How did you know I was in distress?"she questioned him.

Kylo looked out through the small windows but he couldn't see anything beyond it, just a blank. Their bond had evolved but only enough to see bits and pieces of the other's surroundings. "You called to me," he explained, "you pleaded for my help."

"And you came." It wasn't a question, Rey had drawn her own conclusions from his actions.

Abruptly, he turned around, wanting to clarify any false beliefs she might have about his actions, but then his eyes fell on the jacket resting on the bed and not on her shoulders. He felt a warmth filling his body and wished he could escape from her fiery gaze; and, in what must have been a rare moment of grace, the connection between them broke and Kylo was left alone in his room once again.

A*A*A

Rey had spent most of the time after Kylo had left, trying to remember what exactly had happened to her; but there was only so much she could remember. There was something, something calling to her, something the Force wanted to show her; and she had followed that. She had followed it deep into the forest and then into that cave. There was something she had to discover, something she had to see. Yet, there was something there that had opposed her, something that demanded blood. _But what?_

"Hey, you're up!" Poe said as he entered the room with a tray of food. Rey smiled at him. "I bought you this," he said, setting the food in front of her and taking a seat beside the bed.

"Thank you." She looked into Poe's eyes and continued, "Not just for the food, but for saving me."

He nodded, then checked out her vitals. "How are you feeling?"

"Good," she said in between mouthfuls.

He studied her body and his eyes fell on his jacket discarded at the foot of the bed. "I guess you were too warm," he joked, but Rey could have sworn she saw a flash of hurt cross his eyes. "Anyhow, you should be back on your feet in no time. You have no major injuries and the wound on your leg seems to be healing nicely," he reassured her.

She nodded and smiled warmly at him. After a few moments of silence, Rey found herself asking,"Poe, what happened?"

Confusion crossed the pilot's features. "You went out by yourself and you almost drowned, Rey," he explained. "We don't know how exactly you injured your leg but you must have cut it on a rock or a tree when you were carried by the rive. Don't you remember any of this?"he asked incredulously.

Rey swallowed. "Only some things," she admitted.

"Well," he said, grabbing her hand with his, "I'm sure it'll come to you."

Rey felt guilty, not because she didn't trust Poe enough to tell him what really happened, but because as soon as he touched her hand she remembered _him_ , and the touch of _his_ hand. She wanted to see Ben again, wanted to tell him about her experience with the Force, wanted to ask him what he thought, but she doubt they could talk about any of it. Frankly, she was surpised they had talked at all, he had been so quite for the past weeks, and so had she. In a way, words had felt too heavy a thing to pass between them;perhaps because neither of them felt that they could say what they

really wanted to.

"Rey," Poe broke her out of her thoughts, "Leia said this planet is full of dangerous places. Promise me you will be more careful next time."

She felt a warmth fill her heart at his care for her. "Of course," she reassured him, but even as she said those words, she knew they weren't true. She had to go back, had to see what the Force wanted to show her.

 **AN: so here they are, 3 chapters in a row :) hope it was worth the wait ;) also, please make sure to check out my other two fanfics Reylo Oneshots and When we were young xxx**


	10. Part 10

**AN: First of, thank you for all the faves and follows and reviews! You guys are awesome! And I have to mention Leona2016, thank you for coming on to this story as well and review the heck out of it! Love reading your reviews! Thank you xx**

 **Also, Sorchaaa and Kalon 29, I really appreciate your reviews guys as well ;)**

 **Now let's get into this chapter...hope you like it! I think it might be my favourite so far :D**

Kylo Ren climbed the marble steps leading to the Supreme Leader's throne; _his_ throne. The soft sound of his boots against the shiny black marble echoed in the concave room. The room was vast and empty, dark and cold; he had designed it himself and he didn't miss the mirror like image it had created for himself.

Once he reached his throne, he turned around, his cape fluttering from his impulsive movements, and beheld the room from which he would rule the galaxy. In that moment, only one thing crossed his mind.

 _Your not alone. Neither are you._

How foolish they had been both. If there was a glaringly obvious thing in this obscure room he had created for himself, it was the fact that he was alone. He let out a deep sigh and unclenched his fists; he hadn't realise he had done that, but it was something that usually happened.

Kylo took a seat on the throne. It felt good, it made him feel strong, powerful and threatening. There was absolutely nothing that could touch him in that room, nothing that he hadn't already allowed _in_.

The picture of the room started forming in his mind before he could protest. But whatever was going on around her, it was never what his eyes focused on; it was always _her_ , he _always_ looked for her. Kylo watched her, and in the few second she wasn't aware of his presence, he was actually able to see Rey as she truly was: calm and peaceful, warm and bright. But when she became aware or his presence, she seemed to loose some of those qualities: her shoulders straightened, she wasn't calm anymore. Everything was more deliberate about her movements, and yet she didn't speak. Kylo thought that was strange, but then his eyes fell on the object in her hands and rage took over him.

"Where are you?"he demanded angrily, leaning forward in his throne.

In her hands, Rey held a miniature of the Millennium Falcon, a kid's toy, one that had been broken into pieces and then taped back together. When she had walked into the room, it was the thing that had called to her the most. It reminded her of Han, but it also spoke about a little boy who, angry with his father one day, ruined it, but then felt bad and fixed it, and now it had just become another discarded toy. Rey couldn't help the longing she felt in her heart to help that little boy; that scared little boy that had turned into a scary man.

"I think you know," she whispered, looking at the toy in her hand.

He didn't know how, how she managed to do that, how she managed to have such power over his emotions, but her tone calmed him down a bit. Getting up to his feet, he walked around in his old room. It had all stayed exactly how he'd left it, before his mother had sent him away with Luke. There were piles of discarded toys in the corner, there was the cabinet where he'd kept all the other miniature space ships, the ones he'd always get on his birthday from his father. He remembered one day, when his father had angered him, how he wanted to break every single ship he had ever given him. But that would have meant making a scene, and he was a prince, the son of a general, and soon to be a Jedi, he couldn't do that; so he settled for breaking only the Falcon, and he did it by using the Force. That's when he realised that his negative feelings fed the power of the Force within him in a way that the positive ones never had. It made him want more; and then it had only been a matter of time until Snoke had found him, until he had lured him in that cave...

Rey watched him trace his gloved fingers over the edge of the bed and decided this was a good time to speak again. "Ben," she started.

His breath caught in his chest. It was too much for him, being in his old room, her calling him Ben, _her_. She made him feel so raw, so vulnerable, forcing him to face his past. He hated that, so he took his revenge with words. "So, is this where the Resistance hides?"he asked coldly, his eyes sparkling with rage.

Rey was surprised at this sudden change, but only for a moment. Only until she attuned her sense to him through the Force; she couldn't decipher exactly what he was feeling but she knew one thing: he felt exposed. And now he felt the need to expose her and her friends.

She searched his dark eyes, trying to find something else besides anger in them. And she did, for a split of a second, she saw hurt cross his eyes.

A muscle in his jaw clenched. He felt bare, stripped of all defences before her when she looked at him the way she did now, with kindness and compassion. As if he could be saved, as if she didn't see him as a monster anymore. "I will send a team of my most ferocious stormtroopers and they will eradicate you all," he barked out, the words of a monster.

Rey just gently shook her head. "No, you won't," she said softly, "because you're not sure that we're all here, and if we aren't and your mission fails, how would that make you look as the new Supreme Leader?" She didn't know why she'd challenged him so, didn't know why she felt the need to show him she knew him. Maybe because he always felt the need to make her see him as he saw himself, as a monster. But she didn't, every time she looked at him, she saw him redeemed.

"I know for sure _you_ are there. Even if they only kill you it would be worth it," he said nonchalantly, shrugging, as if he didn't really care whether she lived or died. But his mind had gone crazy only thinking about the possibility that she could die, not at his hand, but in a fight, any fight, most probably one that he would initiate. The assault of that one thought on his mind was so strong that he feared to explore the feeling in his heart that particular thought arose. For the time being, he decided to bury that feeling deep down inside of him.

Rey knew he wasn't telling the truth, and yet, for a moment, her heart couldn't help but wonder whether he really wasn't. And it hit her, in a place in her heart that she feared to explore; she knew it had been there for a while, something had started forming in her heart the night they touched hands, but she was too frightened to explore what that was. She was too frightened of those feelings, of whatever feelings she had started forming for a monster. He seemed like that to her now, when he spoke about her death as if she meant nothing. She closed her eyes, refusing to let the tears escape down her cheeks.

"You wouldn't do that," she challenged him, after she had composed herself.

Kylo raised a dark eyebrow. "I wouldn't?"he asked, his voice cold and malicious.

Rey shook her head and took a step closer to him. "You wouldn't," she repeated. "Because this," she motioned between the two of them as she moved closer still, "this is personal. You would come yourself, you would want to fight me yourself." She stopped a few inches away from him, so close that has had to tilt her head in order to see his face.

His laboured breaths fell on her cheek and she couldn't help but feel, strangely, safe. It was his proximity, the combination of their Forces made her feel powerful, and his closeness made her feel less alone. It was crazy, he had just talked about killing her and yet, all she wanted to do was be as close to him as humanly possible.

"Rey?" He searched her eyes, trying to see if she was experiencing the same euphoric feeling by being in his presence, as he was by being in hers. It was something beyond him, something beyond them, that made everything seem... _balanced_. Even if just for a moment, it was as if they had found each other, both the missing part of a whole, only complete with the other.

Kylo became intensely aware of his heartbeat. No, not his, hears. _He could hear her heartbeat? He could hear her heart? What kind of connection was this?_

Rey also felt the now erratic beats of Ben's heart. He was confused, maybe scared; she was as well. But she wanted to do something, she wanted to help him. Gently, she reached out her hand and placed it on his tunic, over his beating heart. The rhythm increased almost instantly and his breaths came out more laboured than before. She looked up at him and he was studying her: her hand on his chest, the glimmer in her eyes, the flush on her cheeks, the flesh of her lips. His heart slowed down to an even pace, much like her own.

He closed his eyes and let his head fall backwards. "Rey," he said her name as a sigh.

Rey was suddenly brought into his room. She knew the connection was fading when she only caught glimpses of a dark, marbled floor, a black throne. Rushed, she called out his name, wanting him to look her in the eyes when she said: "Ben, come home...", but her voice faded in the void of space.

What she didn't know, is that her words kept echoing in the throne room long after she was gone.

 **AN: Here it is, hope you liked it :) please make sure to check out my other two Reylo fanfics: When we were young and Reylo Oneshots xxx**


	11. Part 11

Kylo Ren had ordered Hux to call the Knights of Ren into a meeting in the throne room. Now, they were all stood before him, waiting for him to speak.

"You may leave us, general," Kylo addressed Hux through his mask.

General Hux masked his surprise with a curt nod and quickly exited the room.

"Scurried away like a weasel," came Dai Ren's mocking tone, distorted by his mask.

Kylo Ren turned his attention to him. "Hm, he reminds me of you in your early days," Kylo challenged. He wasn't defending the general, he was just making sure they knew none of them were better. He could feel the anger emanating from his knight and wondered if he would act on it.

"You would know better, Supreme Leader," Dai Ren returned with spite.

"Yes, I would," Kylo enjoyed the power he had over the likes of Dai and Hux, they were scum, and he enjoyed controlling them. "But now, let us move on to more pressing matters. Zeno and Cyrill Ren," he called and the knights took a step forward. "I will have you supervising most of our planet bases . You will bring me a rapport of how everything is going every fortnight."

"Yes, Supreme Leader," they replied in one voice.

"You will leave immediately, your ships are waiting on the docks. You are dismissed." Kylo felt satisfaction wash over him as he realised the extent of his power and influence: how the knights hadn't protested and how they hurried to do his will; he felt strong.

"Kara and Aeneas Ren, I will have you supervise the shipments of weapons and the construction of our newest weapon," he carried on after the first two knights had left.

"Yes, Supreme Leader!" they replied.

"Very well, you may go." There was a clear difference in the way he treated Kara and Aeneas, he knew that, and wanted it to be obvious to the others. They were the only ones who had accepted his leadership with no questions, his only two allies.

When he was left alone with his most dangerous knights, Kylo climbed the steps to his throne which instantly placed him in a place of power, forcing them to look up at him. In an unusual gesture, he took a seat on his throne and took off his mask.

"Now that we are amongst friends," he started, his voice strangely relaxed, "I believe we don't need these anymore, hm?"

The knights seemed to hesitate for a second, surprised by their master's behaviour, but they both took their masks of nonetheless. It had been so long, Kylo had forgotten how they look like. Hera wasn't a beautiful woman, she was big and strong, with very harsh features; Dai on the other hand was a handsome young man, with dark hair and blue, cunning eyes.

"Supreme Leader," Dai started, a slight grin on his face, "where will you send us?"

Kylo smirked. "Nowhere." Both of them looked surprised. "I want to keep you by my side. You are my most gifted knights after all."

"But why, Supreme Leader?" It was Hera's turn to ask.

"Security purposes," came Kylo's simple reply.

"Why, Master?" Dai questioned. Then, taking a step forward and looking as if he was about to share secret information, he asked: "Are you, by any chance, afraid that the girl will try and assassinate you like she did with Master Snoke?"

Kylo clenched his fists around the arms of the throne. The little rat had the audacity of accusing him of being afraid, afraid of Rey! _Was he?_ No, not afraid that she could take his life, but afraid that in some ways, it already belonged to her. Kylo forced his mind clear of thoughts of her, he had other things to deal with.

"The girl," Kylo started in a deadly tone, "is no threat to me."

"She did leave you unconscious, didn't she?" Dai Ren challenged and Kylo could feel Hera Ren's anxiety as her eyes became glued to the ground.

He wanted to give in to his anger but knew that wouldn't accomplish a thing. No, he was a leader now, he had to do better. With a smirk, he said to his apprentice. "Well then, imagine what she can do to you!"

Dai Ren looked at his master confused. "Master?"

"Do you assume that if Rey was able to best _me_ in a fight, I would have the two of _you_ protect me?" Kylo mocked with a sinister laugh.

Studying his apprentice's eyes, he knew his words had worked on him. But then something changed, Dai Ren realised something and his eyes started gleaming with the satisfaction it gave him. "Rey, Master? Is that the girl's name?"

The air was knocked out of him, for just a few seconds, not long enough for Dai to realise, he didn't think. He hated her name on his lips, hated that he knew anything about her, even if it was something as banal as her name.

"I don't see why that would be important," Kylo dismissed him. "Regardless, I would like you two to remain with me on the ship. You will be observing the inner workings of the First Order first hand. Also, we will resume our training as soon as you have settled in." Kylo knew there was no better way to discover their weakness then by training them. Although, he knew that in this way, they might discover some of his own. Stars, they almost had discovered his biggest weakness already.

"Yes, Supreme Leader." They replied and putting their masks back on, they were ready to leave the room.

"Dai, Hera," Kylo stopped them. They turned around to face him."You may kneel before your Supreme Leader," he gestured with his hand in front of him.

He felt the hesitation and hatred in both his knights, but it was so much more powerful in Dai Ren. Yet, they both knelt in front of him and then marched out of the room in a heartbeat.

 **AN: Thank you for following this story :) make sure to check out my other two Reylo fanfics: Reylo Oneshots and When we were young xxx**


	12. Part 12

Rey recognised his room as soon as the Force connected them, and it made her feel uneasy, knowing how his bedroom looked like seemed too intimate. Yet, she couldn't see him.

"Ben," she called out. She heard a groan behind her. "Ben?"she asked turning around. "What happened to you?"

Kylo let out another groan. He was sat on the edge of his bed, in only his trousers because he had removed his shirt in order to inspect the wound on his rib. He had been combat training with Dai Ren, and somehow, his weapon slipped and cut Kylo. He knew the knight had done it on purpose but he didn't say anything, he wanted to push him, see how far he would go. He looked up at Rey's worried expression, her eyes glued on his wound, and something happened in his chest, something that had nothing to do with his wound.

"I'm alright, Rey," his words had come out harsher than he'd intended.

Rey looked up at him. "You don't look fine," she argued.

"Well," he said, dabbing at his wound with a cloth, "I am," but he winced before he could finish his sentence.

"Fine," Rey replied, annoyed with his stubbornness. "What happened?"

Kylo tried to ignore her, focusing on the clumsy work his hands were doing.

"That's not gonna work. You're angle's bad," she said.

Kylo let out a heavy sigh and continued his work.

"Here," Rey said, taking a few steps towards him,"I can help."

"Don't," he bit out, not sure if he did it to scare her or because he was scared to have her so near when he was hurt.

Rey stopped dead in her tracks. "Okay," she indulged him. "But Ben," she pleaded with him, "what happened?"

Kylo threw the bloodied cloth on his bed and looked at her exasperated. "I was training. I got hurt," he stated matter of factly.

"I've seen you in combat, Ben. Somebody hurt you on purpose," her voice had grown quieter, but not less determined.

"Well, maybe it was," he shrugged and grimaced as he got up from the bed.

She looked at him dumbfounded. "Doesn't it worry you that someone wants to kill you?"

He let out a bitter laugh and made his way towards a neat looking, black desk. "Half the galaxy wants to kill me, Rey, some of which are your friends," he said, retrieving a bandage from a drawer.

Rey opened her mouth to speak but closed it without saying anything. He watched Ben's hands place the bandage over his wound clumsily and carelessly. She was shocked by her desire to take care of his wound and make his pain go away.

"Did you kill him?"she asked when he'd finished bandaging his wound.

Kylo let out another humourless laugh. "I think you of all people should know I don't kill everybody who leaves a scar on me," he said, his dark eyes gleaming with something she couldn't quite name.

"Isn't it tiring?"she asked him after he had put another black tunic on; for some reason, she had looked away then, it would have felt too much like something else if she hadn't; what else, she didn't know.

"What?"he asked mindlessly, not really bothered by her presence anymore.

"Living in fear?"

The muscles in his jaw clenched. He looked her dead in the eye. "I am the Supreme Leader of the First Order. I own the galaxy. I don't live in fear!"he spat out.

Rey looked at him with a certain kind of sadness in her eyes. "Do you even live at all, Ben?"

 **AN: Here you have it :) make sure to also check out Reylo Oneshots and When we were young xxx**


	13. Part 13

Rey didn't know exactly how she had made her way back to the cave. She only remembered meditating, asking the Force to show her again what she had seen that night; to show her the truth about Ben and Snoke. The Force seemed to have control of both her mind and body, and now she found herself back where it had all started.She knew this place was dangerous, knew she had to thread cautiously around the memories of the past, but she was determined to find out the truth.

Rey traced the rough structure of the walls with her fingers. There was a certain obscurity in this place, a certain dark feeling that she could feel creep into her very bones. She could hear the wind howling deep inside the cave, felt the coldness of the water through the goosebumps on her skin. She was aware that something of the past had made its dwelling here.

The sound of the wind grew quieter as Rey started hearing something else, a child's laugh, echoing and bouncing off the bare walls. It sounded like a boy, a young boy. The sound echoed and then faded. But then she heard another voice, a sinister voice, one fit for a monster. _Ben_ , it was calling to the child; and the boy answered. Now, she could see it all unfold in front of her eyes.

A small, dark-haired boy playing alone by the side of the cave. There was a certain sadness in the boy's eyes, a quite anger in his actions. Rey knelt down in front of him trying get his attention, but he wasn't looking at her, he was too focused on his actions. When she saw his deep concentration, Rey finally realised what he was doing, he was making the toy ships fly by using the Force. It was incredible, how aware he was of his power, how well he could control it already. It was fascinating, and not only to Rey, but also to the dark creature looming in the shadows of the cave.

" _Ben_ ," it called out to him, " _I know you're lonely. Don't you wish you had someone to play with?"_

Rey watched the little boy try to drown out the call, try to resist the shadowy figure. But he was alone and young and so very easily overcome by his dark emotions; and he finally gave in. Rey's heart broke as she watched the dark-haired boy, with the brown, sparkling eyes, get lost into the greed of a man searching for power and affirmation. He saw Ben turn and grow into a young man so fascinated by the dark side, by the legacy of the blood running through his veins. His grandfather had become his role model, he had been a very powerful Jedi, and when he had turned to the ways of the Sith, he had become the most powerful Force user there was. He knew his grandfather had been prophesied to bring balance to the galaxy and in a way, that's what Ben had wanted to do, what he still wanted to do: bring balance to a galaxy over which _he_ would rule.

Yes, she had seen Ben's greed and hunger for power, his selfish desires; but she had also seen his deepest need. The need to belong, to be understood. She had seen the longing for a father that was present in the young boy's eyes, she had seen the silent plea in his eyes when his mother sent him away with his uncle, she had seen the deep longing for a different truth than the reality of his own uncle trying to kill him. She had seen that, all of those times when he could have been turned to the light...all the times the people he had loved failed him.

A feeling that was all too familiar to Rey. Then, all of a sudden, she saw herself in his place, yearning for her parents, consumed by her anger towards them; if Snoke had noticed her instead of him, if the Vader blood had ran through _her_ veins, _she_ would be the one leading the First Order now.

Rey stumbled backwards out of the cave, trying to catch her breath. Her head was pounding and her ears were ringing, her heart almost jumping out of her chest. Leaning against the moss-covered tree, she understood what the Force had tried to show her; it was not about Ben, it was about herself. She and him were the same, there was just as much light in him as there was darkness in her. Somehow, they were made up of the same thing, two different parts of a whole. She knew now that he wasn't fully darkness and that she wasn't fully light. No, both of them were...grey. She knew that balance could only be restored when the two parts were brought back together. That's why they had both seen visions of the other turn; but that wasn't what the Force had wanted to show them. No, what it had wanted to show them is that no matter what path they took, the two of them were destined to be together, to unite their forces and in that way, bring balance to the galaxy.

Heartened by everything she had just discovered, Rey started running towards the base, determined to tell Leia everything she'd learnt.

When Finn saw his friend from afar, he ran ahead of her; he wanted to be the one to break the news to her.

"Rey," Finn waved as he called after his sister.

"Finn," she smiled as she stopped before him, "I need to speak to Leia."

Finn grimaced. "There is something you should know first."

Her friend's gravely voice scared her. "What's wrong?"she asked panic rising in her chest.

Finn let out a breath. "It's Leia, she's had a heart attack. We're not sure she's gonna make it."

Tears welled up in Rey's eyes, there were so many things running through her mind, so many questions she had. But there was one thing she needed to know most.

"Where's Poe?"

 **AN: Hey wonderful people :) thanks a bunch for all the love in your reviews, faves and follows xx hope you like this one as well :D**


	14. Part 14

**AN: Many many thanks to all of you who follow and fave and review especially :D Here's a really quick update because you guys are so awesome xx**

"Poe," Rey called as she ran down the corridor towards the pilot.

Poe got up from his seat just as she reached him and engulfed him in a tight embrace. He let out a heavy sigh, resting his forehead against her shoulder. He treasured the comfort of her arms, but Rey let go of him way to quickly.

Searching his eyes, she asked:"What happened?"

Poe sat down with a heavy sigh and Rey joined him. They were outside of Leia's recovery room; no one was allowed in, except for the medical professionals.

"I don't know," Poe said in answer to Rey's question. "We were just working on some plans, some strategies on attacking the First Order fleet and then, all of a sudden, she collapsed. It was as if her heart had given up." Poe looked at her then, his eyes tired and sad.

Rey tried to offer him a small smile. "If there is one thing I know about the general, is that her heart never gives up."

Poe allowed himself to smile despite the pain he was feeling. Then, looking at his calloused hands, he voiced the guilt that was eating him alive. "I wonder if it is my fault, you know? If maybe I asked too much of her?" His voice almost broke as he said that.

Rey slipped one of her hands in his and intertwined their fingers, trying to provide him with as much comfort as she could. "Poe," she said, "look at me." He did. "This is not your fault. No one could love or protect Leia more than you do. This is not on you!"she insisted softly.

Poe couldn't help but smile at her kindness. "Thank you, Rey."

She smiled. "How is she doing now?"she asked, glancing through the window behind them.

"It's too soon to tell."

"Than I'll wait with you until we know."

A*A*A

Leia had stabilised during the night and she woke up the following morning. Many of the Resistance fighters had come to visit her, but there was one that hadn't left her side. Poe was taking away Leia's food tray when Rey walked into the room.

"General," Rey said, "you're looking good."

The woman looked paler than usual and in some ways, older as well, but she still looked strong. Rey was happy to see her smile at her.

"I am feeling better," Leia admitted.

"You still need rest," Poe interfered.

"If it where after you," she teased, "you would have me strapped to this bed."

Poe turned around to glare at the general and then at Rey who was chuckling lightly. "I'm just trying to keep you alive," he said in his defence.

Leia smiled warmly at him. "I know, and I am grateful, Poe, truly I am. But now, I'd like to talk to Rey alone, so would you mind?"

Poe nodded. "I'll come back when you call me," he said then left them alone.

"General?" Rey questioned as Poe closed the door behind him.

"Come have a sit, Rey," Leia said, patting the chair next to her bed. Rey did and as soon as she sat down, Leia took her hand in her own. "My dear girl, I don't have much time," Leia started but Rey looked at her confused. "I am dying, Rey." She offered the girl a small, sad smile, something she hope would soften the blow.

It didn't. "No, that's not possible," Rey refused to believe the general's words and almost retracted her hand from the woman's.

But Leia's grip was strong and she needed Rey to understand something. "Yes Rey," she said, "I am going to die soon. The Force has showed it to me and if you search your feelings, you'll know it to be true." Rey's eyes glossed over but Leia continued regardless. "There is one thing I want before my death and that is to see my son again. Will you help me with that?"

Rey felt the pressure of the woman's fingers on her hand and the force of her plea. Without hesitation or second thoughts, she answered. "Yes! And I think I know a way to do it."

 **AN: please make sure to check out my other two Reylo fanfics: Reylo Oneshots and When We Were Young xxx**


	15. Part 15

**AN: Thank you thank you thank you for all the reviews and faves and follows! You are simply the best :D another quick update cause my week is really free hihi :)**

"Supreme Leader," a stormtrooper barged into the control room, "we have intercepted a transmission of the Resistance."

Kylo got up from his seat. "What is it?"he asked, not sure why this news had alarmed him so.

"They are buying weapons, sir," The stormtrooper explained. "On Tatooine."

Kylo's gloved fist collided with the desk in front of him and made the soldier flinch slightly.

"What would you like us to do, sir? Intercept the shipment of weapons?"the stormtrooper suggested.

"No," Kylo replied all to quickly. "No, we will send troops down on Tatooine, we'll catch the resistance fighters there."

"Very well, sir. I will inform general Hux-"

"No need," Kylo interrupted him, "I'm coming along."

"Yes,sir. I will have your ship prepared." The stormtrooper gave a curt nod then left the room.

Left alone, Kylo hit a button on the desk and a 3D map of the galaxy appeared in front of his eyes. He searched for the planet. They should be able to make it there just before the Resistance fighters.

A*A*A

Kylo Ren exited the ship amidst the orders shouted by his stormtroopers and the cries for help of the locals; nonetheless, an eerie silence settled when he stepped foot on the sand. He knew his clothes, his mask, his position, demanded fear and he could feel it emanating from the people around him, both the villagers and his stormtroopers. He looked around, studying the villagers intently and his eyes fell on a child hiding behind the folds of his mother's dress. Kylo looked away when the mother put a protective arm around her son as if that could actually protect him. Yet, it had reminder Kylo Ren of something, of the warmth and care of a mother; of his own mother. He clenched his teeth. It was this damned planet and all its history and memories.

"You," Kylo barked at the set of stormtroopers on his left, "round up the villagers and ask questions." They left without another word. "You," he said to the stormtroopers on his right, "search every square inch of this godforsaken desert. If the Resistance fighters are here, I want them found."

When the other stormtroopers left his presence as well, Kylo returned to his ship. However, as he was about to board his ship, he saw one of the stormtroopers from the group he'd just sent away, separate from the others and run down a side alley.

Kylo Ren punched the door of his ship closed and marched after the stormtrooper with long, purposeful strides. He would not let another one of his stormtroopers fraternise with the Resistance.

Kylo followed the soldier through a labyrinth of alleys and pathways and finally to the small entrance of a mud hut. The stormtrooper had disappeared inside just seconds before Kylo rounded the corner. It seemed premeditated, Kylo thought. The path the soldier had taken had been determined not evasive, he wasn't trying to evade Kylo Ren, he was looking to trap him in. How foolish.

Kylo kicked the door opened with his foot and entered the hut. His large presence seemed gigantic in the small room. With his hand plastered on his lightsaber, Kylo addressees the stormtrooper trapped on the other side of the room. "Well what do we have here?"

The stormtrooper surprised him when he didn't cower back in fear, but instead, placed his hands on either side of his mask and lifted it above his head.

"Hello, Ben," came her all too familiar voice.


	16. Part 16

**AN: Guys, your reviews are the best! Thank you xxx and thank you to all of you who are following this story :D**

Kylo Ren didn't know what surprised him more, hearing her voice without that odd, faded quality it always had through their Force bond; or having had her so near for so long and not realising it was her. After debating for a few moments, he decided it was definitely the second one. Her presence was so intoxicating, her signature in the Force so overwhelming, that he couldn't possible comprehend how he'd not sensed her before, when now, everything he could sense _was_ her.

Rey had felt the push and pull of their forces ever since they had both stepped into that hut. She was surprised she had found the strength to speak when seeing him in person after so long made her feel incredibly week. She was overpowered by his presence, it was as if he demanded all of her. And she seemed more than willing to give it.

"I should have known," Ben's harsh, metallic voice disrupted any fragile balance there was between them.

Rey lifted her head a little. "I think you knew. I think that's why you came."

Kylo let out a snort. "That is very presumptions of you, Rey. Believing you know me," he mocked, taking a step closer to her, "it's arrogant and dangerous." His stance was threatening but she refused to cower away in fear.

"You can take that mask off, Ben," she said, tossing her own to the side.

Kylo considered her request for a moment. He knew she disliked the mask and a part of him wanted to take it off his head as soon as she'd asked him to. But part of him enjoyed the fact the mask concealed his face, allowing him to look at her and study her face at a leisurely pace. She had change her hair, perhaps because it was longer. She didn't sport her usual buns, but a long braid. There were small pieces of hair framing her flushed face; it must have been too hot for her in that mask. He understood, it was too hot for him on this planet, too hot in this tiny room with her.

"Fine," Rey shrugged, taking his hesitation as a refusal, "you can keep that thing on."

Perhaps stirred by her annoyance, Kylo quickly removed his mask. And she wished he hadn't, she wished she hadn't said anything to begin with, because when her eyes gazed upon his face, it had become too real. He was there, really there, not more than a few feet away and she couldn't stop the overwhelming urge to pull close, to touch him. Rey swallowed hard, trying to somehow loosen the tightness of her throat.

"I've missed you," she let the words escape her mouth and they echoed true in the space between them. She felt a drift in his Force, a feeling that was ready to surface, but Ben quickly shut it back down, burying it deep in the recesses of his heart.

He covered that feeling with laughter and mockery. "Is that why you are buying weapons? So that you get to see me when you attack my ships?" His voice dripped with venomous accusation.

Rey looked away from his cruel eyes. "You know that's not why we're here."

He took another menacing step towards her, prompted by the fact that she hadn't looked him in the eye. "Then tell me, Rey," he darkly purred out her name, "why are _we_ here?"

"Your mother is dying," she said and silence finally settled between them.

Your mother is dying." She didn't know why she'd said it like that, accusing, and almost shouting. Maybe it was because she wanted him to feel guilty. Or maybe it was because she just wanted him to feel something.

But the man in front of her was set out to disappoint her yet again. There was nothing in his eyes that betrayed any kind of pain or sadness, there hadn't been even flinched surprise or confusion. There'd been nothing but an acknowledgement of words. "What makes you think I'd care?"he asked, his voice void of any emotion. It was as if he was just answering her in a polite manner, merely just an answer that acknowledged she had spoken.

It filled Rey with anger. Not an anger that would make her torture him until he admitted to feeling something, although that sounded appealing; but an anger that would have her beg with him for an eternity only to admit that he was hurting. She gave in to that anger and closing the space between them, she laid a hand on his chest. "Ben," she whispered.

It burned. The touch of her hand on his chest, even through the gloves on her hand and the layers of his clothes, scorched a pattern on his body. He was sure that if he would be to remove his tunic, there, on his bare chest, next to the scar she'd given him, he would find the imprint of her fingers.

"Ben, please," she pleaded with him again.

The sound of his name on her lips seemed to burn a pattern from his ears all the way to his brain. There was nothing else he could understand in that moment except for the words she spoke, as if all his brain capacities had failed him and now they were replaced by her voice. There was a flicker in his eyes then and Rey grabbed hold of that with all her might.

"Ben, Leia is dying. She is dying and she wants to see you. Please, please say you'll come," she urged and begged and pleaded, all the same time.

Kylo Ren looked down at her then, his eyes gazing into hers, and there, he found the courage he needed. Reluctantly, yet helplessly, he gave way to the part of him that still cared for his mother, the part of that had stopped him from pulling that trigger so many months ago; he let young Ben Solo exist in that moment, with just him and Rey, within the confines of a little mud hut. He closed his eyes as he reached out to his mother. He could feel her Force, alive but weak, smouldering out. And close, he could feel his mother so close.

"I won't promise you anything," his voice came out in a halfhearted whisper.

Rey nodded. She understood that she'd already asked so much of him and she was happy with however much she got. Her eyes quickly drifted from his face to her hand on his chest. Slowly, her fingers separated themselves from his body, one by one. When she looked back up at him, Rey wondered if he'd also felt that loss in the Force, the separation between them.

"I'll take you to your mother," she said and reached for her discarded mask.


	17. Part 17

**AN: Thank you guys for following this story! Is the best thing to know somebody is waiting for you to update so they can read haha xxx**

Rey wished they could have walked side by side. She didn't know why, but for some reason, having him follow her made her nervous. She was so aware of her own feelings, so focused on them that she couldn't read his own. She feared he could read her like an open book. _Was he doing that? Had he done it before_? There were so many questions she wished she could ask him, things about their force bond, things he could do and sense through it; she wanted to know if they were experiencing the same thing. Somewhere in her heart, she knew they did, but she still wanted to know for sure.

Kylo couldn't help but marvel at how in sync they were. Their bodies seemed to move in the same way, almost at the same pace; he was keeping his distance though, for her sake or his own, he didn't know. And yet, even if there was distances between them, he seemed to be able to anticipate her moves, the turn of her body, the pattern she was making with her feet. He searched his surroundings then, they had come to a part of town that looked abandoned, ghostly. He wondered whether he could find his way back alone. _Alone_. That stuck with him, the assurance he had in his heart and mind that he would return to his ship alone, without her. Not that he was planning to ask her to join him again. Not that she would say yes if he did. _But what if she did? Or what if he stayed?_

Kylo Ren was stopped, dead in his tracks, by his own thoughts. Well, not really his own. They belonged to a different version of himself, one he thought he had destroyed. They belonged to the child who was going to lose him mother. Kylo Ren shut that child in the dark corner of his heart and focused on the town around him, searching it for any threats, anything that could suggest an ambush. And then he saw it, still a while away from where they were, a hut surrounded by armed soldiers, Resistance fighters; and one of them was running towards them now.

Rey tensed when she saw Finn running towards them and she heard Kylo's hand grasping the lightsaber.

"You won't need that," she said to Ben before Finn reached them.

"Rey," the traitor addressed her but not before he quickly glared into Kylo's direction. Kylo returned the favour, although he was wearing a mask and Finn couldn't see him.

Finm pulled Rey to the side as she took off the stormtrooper mask. "Are you sure we can trust him?"

"Yes," she nodded. "I'm sure," she added, silently pleading her friend to trust her on that, because she feared that if Finn were to ask her why she trusted him or how she was sure, she wouldn't be able to explain.

Finn only nodded, taking her word at its value. "Good. Leia's waiting."

Whilst making their way to the medical hut they'd improvised for Leia, Rey could sense all the Resistance fighters studying Kylo. She was surprised, but grateful, that he'd not reacted in any way.When they reached the hut, she wondered if she should walk in first, prepare the general for his arrival, but he went in straight after her.

As soon as they walked in, Poe stood up from his chair next to Leia."Is he going to behave?" Poe demanded, narrowing his eyes at Kylo.

Rey was about to speak but Ben interrupted her. He took off his mask, and ignoring Poe, he addressed his mother. "I believe it was your dying wish to see me," he said, his tone monotone, unaffected. "Well, here I am."

"You bastard," Poe started taking a step towards him but Leia cut him off.

"That's enough,Poe," her voice, although week, demanded to be obeyed. "Now," she said as she straightened up in the hospital bed, "I want you both to leave me alone with my son."

Poe gave Leia a worried look but she nudged him to go; he did. As he passed Kylo, he stopped to deliver a silent threat; Kylo wasn't impressed, he glanced away. Rey offered Leia a small smile before turning to look at Ben. He returned her gaze but she couldn't read him; not at all. She moved passed him and exited the room.

"Why don't you take a seat, Ben?" Leia asked, patting the seat next to her bed.

 **AN: Will update soon but in the mean time, you guys should totally check out Kalon29's Reylo fanfic: Equilibrium xxx**


	18. Part 18

**AN: sooooo I was thinking that since it's the weekend, you guys would like to binge on something...so there you go, 2 more chapters today :) hope you enjoy xxx**

Kylo Ren ignored his mother's request. He just stood there, looking at her with emotionless eyes, desperately trying to hold back everything he was feeling in that moment: confusion and anger and joy and sadness.

"Fine," Leia tried to shrug but it hurt her when she did, so she grimaced. "Suit yourself. I don't have enough time for an argument right now." Her eyes turned sad for a brief moment; she wished she had more time, wished she hadn't wasted the time she had had. "I'm dying, Ben," she offered him a small smile, "and I just want to talk."

"Then talk," he said, no inflection in his voice. "I am here."

Leia recognised that statement for what it was, an admission, it was the only why he could show he cared. It reminded her of Han, and it made her smile.

"You're as brash and stubborn as your father, you know that?"she asked lovingly.

His expression changed, his features darkened. "Do not speak to me about that man," he commanded.

"I am your mother," Leia said and then coughed violently before she continued, "and I am dying. I am allowed to say whatever I want to."

Ben clenched his fists and looked away from her.

"You used to do that when you were little," she said as her eyes fell on his hands. But those hands didn't belong to a child anymore, they were the powerful hands of a strong man.

"You used to always tell me to stop," his voice was quieter, less masculine and more boyish.

Leia smiled as the heaviness on her chest seemed to evaporate. "So you do remember the time before you became Kylo Ren."

Kylo looked away from his mother. "It seems I can never outrun my past fast enough," he admitted in a rare moment of vulnerability.

Leia didn't know if her heart had just been broken or mended by that sentence; or if it had been both. "We loved you so much, Ben. I still do."

But those last words were lost on him because the erratic beating of his heart was the only thing he could hear as rage started filling his heart. "Now that's something I don't remember, _mother_ ," he had bitterly spat out that last word. "I remember you being afraid of my powers, I remember you sending me away with an uncle that tried to kill me. But I cannot remember your love." It had hurt him to say those words out loud, it was as if they had scratched the back of his throat when they made their way out of his heart. His eyes had glossed over as well, but he didn't really care for that in that moment.

Leia's eyes also filled with tears. "Oh, Ben, oh, Ben," she kept repeating. "Surely, you must know we loved you," she said but doubted the words as they came out of her mouth.

Kylo turned away from his crying mother. "What is it you want from me?"he asked, his tone cold. "An apology? Perhaps forgiveness?"he mocked. "I can't offer you either of those," he added after a while, his voice a little less harsh.

Leia wiped the tears from her cheeks with shaking hands. "I just wanted some time with you, Ben," she confessed. "I really just wished to see you, but I never thought you would come. Just to have you here with me is a gift."

Ben opened his mouth to speak, ready to argue against that, to say that he wasn't doing her any favours, that that was not the reason he was here; but he didn't need to, his mother said it for him.

"I know you're here because of _her_ ," Leia smiled to herself. "And I'm happy, because I have tried to bring you home and I have failed you. But she," the woman chuckled, "she won't."

And the honesty and regret of her admission, combined with the assurance of her last statement proved to be too much for Kylo Ren to bear. He exited the hut without looking back. And yet he knew _, he knew_ , that in his heart, he hoped this would not be the last time he would see his mother.


	19. Part 19

Kylo exited the hut so quickly that he didn't realise he'd left his mask inside. He didn't want to go back for it. Outside of the room, Rey waited for him with that arrogant pilot.

"What did you say to her?" Poe asked, taking a few steps towards him, seemingly ready to attack. "Hmm, what did you do to her?"he demanded.

"Poe," Rey tried to level with him but Kylo didn't need to be rescued.

He also didn't want to have to explain himself to this insignificant man. "She was dying before I entered that hut," he said darkly, arrogantly even.

"You son of a..." Poe launched at him, punching him in the face.

"Poe!" Rey protested.

It took Kylo a few short seconds to recover and in the next moment, his hand was outstretched towards Poe's throat, forcing all the air out of his lungs.

"Ben!" Rey turned towards him. "Stop it!"she demanded. It didn't work, he only choked him harder. "Ben!"she shouted annoyed. But then it clicked, it wasn't this kind of anger that would convince him to stop; it was the gentle kind. Rey quickly rushed to Ben's side and placed her hand on his wrist, right there, where the tiniest bit of skin was left exposed between his glove and the sleeve of his tunic. She ignored the fireworks that exploded inside her as soon as their skin touched and focued on the matter at hand. "Ben, please," she pleaded with him, "please let him go."

It had taken every ounce of his self-control not to completely give up his hold on the pilot when he'd felt the flesh of her fingers against his skin. The pilot needed to pay and she, she couldn't know she had that kind of effect on him. Yet, his hold on the man's neck loosened considerably, and his body relaxed. He was still holding him up, above the ground, making it uncomfortable to breath though.

"Ben!" She'd said his name again. Like a plea, a soft plea he knew he couldn't resist any longer. He glanced at her than at her hand on his wrist, before he let go of the pilot.

As soon as Poe crushed to the ground, Rey rushed to his side. Kylo tried to ignore the pang of jealousy he felt but everything seemed to be more intense and a lot harder to ignore on this damned planet. He narrowed his eyes on Rey's soft hands, hands that had just touched him, caressing the pilot's face. He balled his own hands into fists; he needed to get out of there. Without another word or a second glance in her direction, he turned around to leave.

A*A*A

It didn't take her long to catch up to him. She was susprised that he'd remembered his way back so well. Surprised and a little bit sad; but that was silly, as if not being able to remember his way back would have kept him there, next to her. _What would_ _have_? She wondered. _What would?_

"Ben!"she called after him; he stopped but didn't turn around. She finally caught up with him. "I'm sorry," she found that it was easier to speak to his back.

"For what?"he asked, his tone unaffected, slightly looking over his shoulder at her.

"For Poe," she replied simply. "And for your mother," she added after a while.

"I don't need your apologies," he said, but it had come out less harsher than how he'd intended it.

She huffed. "Why? Because accepting my apologies would suggest you care?"

He turned around abruptly, making her loose her balance for a moment. They were so close she was forced to tilt her head backwards to be able to look into his eyes. She noticed a softer brown colour in them, one she hadn't seen before.

"Doesn't apologising make it look like you are the one who cares, Rey?"he bit out, reproachfully.

Rey's eyes widened. "Of course _I_ care!"

He flinched at the honesty of her answer. He hadn't expected her to answer, hadn't expect her to answer in such a blatant manner. He'd never expected her to care for him, let alone admit it. But he felt raw and vulnerable, his conversation with his mother had arose deep ghosts from within him and they were now haunting him. He didn't need Rey's care. No, that was a lie, he needed it; he just didn't want it."Well perhaps you care too much, Rey! Just like you did with your own parents." He'd protected himself the only way he knew how, by attacking.

She bit the inside of her cheek, clenched her small fists. Her chest was heaving and tears were gathering in the corners of her eyes. Still, her voice came out gentle, gentler than she would have thought she could manage, gentler than he'd expected. "Your mother is dying. This, right now, could be her very last hour. Go be with her!"

Kylo looked away from her intrusive gaze, from her quivering lips and her glossy tears. _Why was she still there? Still insisting he would go back? Why wouldn't she just leave him alone?_

"Ben." There it was again, the plea of his name. "Please come back with me!"she whispered softly, grabbing a hold of his arm, as if they knew each other so intimately that she could ask him that.

He clenched his jaw, the muscle in his cheek slowly clenching and unclenching. He emptied his eyes of any humanity, any emotion that was left in him and leaned in. "You need to _stop_ believing I will do something," he whispered, his breath hot on her cheek, "just because it's you who's asking me to." He pried her hand away from his arm and then left her alone in the desert of Tatooine.

 **AN: here they are :D hope you guys enjoyed the binge reading haha let me know what you think in the reviews xxx**


	20. Part 20

**AN: Welcome to all the people that have just discovered this story and thank you all for your support through faves and follows and reviews! You are amazing! I love reading your reviews so please keep letting me know what you think xxx**

Kylo barely made it to his ship in one piece. All the way back he had felt like falling apart, like the fragile pieces of his heart that he'd desperately sown back together where threatening to fall apart yet again; and this time, he was too tired, too resigned to living broken, to even bother to pick them back up.

He barked some orders on his way to his quarters, stopping the search for the weapon shipment and telling them to get him off this planet. Once in the confines of his own room, Kylo punched in the code to lock the door than collapsed against it. He felt like he'd just been wounded, stabbed somewhere in his chest, and now his heart was nothing but an open wound gashing blood. He wished that would have been true, wished he could feel physical pain instead of the choking emotional one. He believed a painful death would have been more merciful than whatever he was feeling now.

He grabbed the side of his body, just above his ribs, with his right hand, checking, trying to see if he could find a pulse. He was looking for a piece of evidence, something that would show that there was something deep inside of him that could hurt so badly, that it wasn't all in his head. He must have been holding on too hard, or must have used the Force, because he felt the bone of his rib cracking under the pressure of his hand.The wind was knocked out of him, the pain so powerful it turned his vision black; he was grateful for the distraction.

After his body had gotten used to the physical pain, all too quickly, he could feel the same pain seep back in, back into his very bones. _What was that? Sorrow? Grief?_ No, it was something far more powerful, and far more dangerous. It was something he hadn't allowed himself to feel in years. It was _regret_.

Now, regret was a treacherous feeling, because regret made you act, made you want to right the wrongs, and that's one of the few things he couldn't do. He let out a bitter laugh. It was ironic, how he was the most powerful man in the Universe and yet he was helpless in the face of regret. There was nothing his power could accomplish, nothing the Force could do for him. He was cursed to hopelessly _feel it._

His fist collided with the door behind him, bending the metal in the process. He cursed loudly as he exhaled through his nose. He felt helpless again, like a child, a stupid child abandoned by his father and neglected by his mother. He punched the door again. And again, and again and again, until his hand went numb; then he stopped, because he couldn't feel the pain anymore.

Kylo Ren ran a hand over his face. He should take care of his broken rib and his injured hand before he damaged them further and he risked rising suspicions. With much effort, he got up from the ground and started making his way to his desk; he felt the pull of the Force before he could reach it. The pull of a connection, the materialisation of a string, of a bond, forming between him and someone. It wasn't Rey; he would have know if it was her. Now, the Force was weaker in this someone, they couldn't make the connection on their own. They need his permission, he granted it; they needed his help in establishing the bond, he offered it. But the effort was so demanding, it made him lean against the wall for support.

Gradually, and with much effort, his mother materialised in front of him.She was smiling. "Thank you, Ben," she said softly.

"This will kill you," he said, vaguely aware of how alarmed he'd sounded and how silly that was.

"Eh, I'm already dying," she said as casually as she could manage between fits of coughing.

Kylo looked away. "Then this is not worth the last of your strength." He hated the way he sound so much like he did when he was young, begging his mother to love him,to tell him he was worth it.

Leia heard the question he wasn't asking; perhaps because she was dying, perhaps because she was a better mother now. "Oh, my boy," she said coming closer to him and laying a hand on his cheek, "you are worth it." Leia saw his eyes gloss over, so his lip starting to quiver and she pulled him to her, wrapping her arms around her little boy.

He hesitated at first, almost pulled away, but he'd refused himself the pleasure of being close to his mother for far too long; and she way dying, this might be his only chance. He buried his face in his mother's garments, inhaling the lavender perfume he'd loved as a child. He didn't allow the tears to run down his cheeks though, he couldn't do that; not yet.

"Here," Leia said when she finally pulled away, "I wanna show you something." She grabbed his hand and dragged him to the edge of his bed where they both sat down. She took a hold of his hand. "I'm afraid I'm not as strong in the Force," she smirked, "so I'll need your help with this." He nodded; she closed her eyes and tugged on his hand, he allowed her to use as much of his Force as she wanted to. "You can open your eyes now," she whispered after a while.

Ben did. But even before he did, he could feel the scorching heat around him and the roughness of the sand underneath him; they were back on Tatooine. When he opened his eyes, he saw the two suns set in brilliant unison.

"My father was born on this planet," Leia started, her voice quieter and lacking its usual strength. "Born to a virgin mother, he was the prophesied child. He was going to bring balance to the galaxy," she said glancing at her son.Ben knew this story; yet, he did not say a word, but allowed her to continue. "My brother, he also grew up on this planet. They both hated the sand," she laugh," and they both loved the sunsets." She sighed, "Ben," she tugged on his hand, "I am telling you this because there is something you need to know about your uncle and your grandfather."

Kylo wanted to protest, he didn't want to hear any excuses for Luke, but he wanted to honour his mother; he didn't say a word.

"They knew each other, my brother and my father, better than I knew either of them. They were very much the same. They also loved each other," she said, a longing in her voice. "My father, he had done so many awful things. He was, in every way, a monster. Yet that hadn't stopped my brother for believing he could be turned to the light. You must understand, Ben," she said, urging him to look at her, "that when I saw something of my father in you, I thought sending you away was my best option." Her eyes filled with tears. She saw the hesitation in his eyes, the hurt; but he let her carry on. "But I know that's not a good excuse," she smiled bitterly, "me and Han, we failed as your parents, and for that I am sorry." She looked deep into her son's eyes, and even though she couldn't see acceptance, she saw that inside him, he had accepted her apology but would make its peace with it in time. "What you don't know, what people don't know, is that right before dying, my father turned to the Light. He killed the Emperor to save my brother's life. Luke didn't kill Darth Vader, he was killed by your grandfather who chose the light in the end."

Kylo Ren opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. All those stories, everything he believed about his uncle, his grandfather, was a lie. Luke had fought to bring him to the light; and yet, he had wanted to kill his own nephew.

"I know this doesn't excuse Luke, but I you should know the truth. The Skywalker blood runs through your veins now. You can bring balance to the galaxy, my dear boy," she declared passionately.

"I can't even bring balance to myself," Ben admitted desperately.

Leia closed her eyes. She knew, in that moment, she was sure her son was gonna come back to the let. His yearning for balance told her so. "I think you know the one who can bring you balance."They didn't need to say her name, they both knew who it was. Leia started coughing violently and Ben put his arms around her, trying to provide some comfort. She smiled warmly at him. "I'm afraid I need to leave now," she said, her voice breathless. She grimaced at the effort it took to stand up and when Ben inched to get up as well, she just shook her head. "No, son, don't follow me. I need to do this alone." He bowed his head in acceptance. "Thank you," Leia said, caresing his cheek the way Han had done, all the love she'd not been able to give him, evident in her eye. "Thank you for allowing me to be your mother again."

Ben clenched his jaw, as one tear escaped on the side of his cheek. Leia herself was crying, she leaned down and dropped a soft, trembling kiss on his forehead. "Goodbye, my dear boy."

Ben watched her walk towards the fading colour of the sunset, and soon enough, the woman herself faded away, as their connection died away. Ben knew there was so much meaning in everything she'd said, knew that he would probably have to meditate on all that; but for now, he only tried to make sense of the gift he'd received. Forgiveness.

And even though she was gone, even though she wouldn't hear him, he whispered, "I'm sorry," after her.

 **AN: So this was quite an emotional chapter...but I hope you liked it :) also, regarding the super slow burn of this fanfic...I'm just gonna say, there's something good coming xxx**


	21. Part 21

**AN: Hey guys, just wanted to say a massive thank you to all of you who reviewed the last chapter! I know it was a bit of a sad chapter and I was really happy to see you received it so well...so thank you thank you xxx**

Rey pulled the sleeves of the dress up her shoulders. Slowly, the left hand first, and then the right. She took a deep breath, let it out. A single tear rolled down her cheek, she left it there, the wetness of it all too familiar. She didn't bother to wipe her tears anymore, they had become too often an occurrence. She hadn't cried that much in the years after her parents had left her, perhaps because she hoped they would come back; but now, it seemed that ever since she had found BB-8, she had spent her time crying. It was exhausting.

She smoothed her hands over the black, traditional dress, ran her hands over her torso. Rey hated the dress, she hated the colour, hated what it represented. She balled her fists, roughly grabbing the material with her hands. She took a deep breath: in and out. She opened her fists, let the material escape her fingers and smoothed her hands over it once again. She took a few steps towards the mirror.There were dark circles around her eyes. Her eyes themselves were red and irritated; mostly tired. She ran a hand through her hair that was loose down her back. She then pulled the hair away from her face and braided it.

She stared at her reflection in the mirror, momentarily fogged by the mist of her breath, before it cleared again. The mirror fogged again with every exhale of air. It was a constant cycle, mist and clarity, vagueness and sureness, the known and the unsure. It felt accurate, like a metaphor. There were a few things she knew for sure: that today was Leia's funeral, that her chest felt heavy and broken, and that the whole of the Resistance had been shaken up to its core. The things she could only be half sure of were these: that Leia was at peace, that the Resistance will find new hope, that she will be alright.

Rey lifted her finger and drew a line on the fogged mirror; in moments, it was gone. She breathed on the mirror, drew the line, but it disappeared again. That's how chasing after Ben had felt like for the past couple of days. She had reached out to him, so many times, reached out to try and understand what he was feeling. Sometimes, she felt she was close, really close, to establish a connection, to see him through the Force; it never went through in the end. Other times, she felt like she could reach out to him, to what he was thinking, what he was feeling, but she had never had confirmation, and she wondered if maybe she'd put those feelings into the ghost of him that she'd created. The truth was that she hadn't been able to reach him since she'd helped Leia connect to him. She had been there for the first minutes of their Force bond, when their connection had been too frail to only rely on Leia's strength; but she bad completely let go when Ben had taken over, so eager to help his mother. It had given her hope; she only hoped it wasn't in vain. After speaking to her son, Leia had lived a few hours longer, finally breathing her last when she was surrounded by all her dear friends, with Poe and Rey holding her hands and Chewie by her side. It had been a glorious and sad moment. Rey had felt her become one with the Force and hoped she was at peace, she had told everybody that she was; it had felt like the right thing to say. She could carry the burden of unsureness all by herself.

Rey opened the tap and washed her face with cold water. It was time to face the music. She punched in the code and the doors of her room slid open;outside of her bedroom was an eerie silence. It had settled in the night the Princess died, and Rey didn't think it would go away any time soon.

A*A*A

Rey walked besides the large, mahogany casket. Her steps were small and determined, in line with those carrying the casket. The ceremony demanded they walk the whole way to the cemetery, where they would burry her body and read an honorary note written by the general. Leia had been the general, there was nobody there to write an eulogy for her, so Poe had done it instead. Right now, he was supporting the casket on the opposite side of Rey, his gaze ahead. She was realived he didn't look to her for comfort, because in this moment, she doubted she could provide any. She stared ahead as well and focused on walking straight; there was still a while to go. She tightened her hold on the flowers in her hand and breathed, in and out; just a little while longer.

The humming in her ears started of so faint, so hesitant, that she thought she had imagined it at first. But then it grew louder, more persistent, a constant sound in her ears that accompanied the vibrations in the Force around her. Again, very faint and weak in the beginning, but gradually, they had transformed into an even rhythm, the pulsation of a heartbeat. She felt the cord inside of her stretch out and extend to the man now walking besides her; quietly and in sync. She held her breath. Ben was walking besides her, dressed in a white tunic, his gaze ahead. He glanced sideways at her, a silent hello, before he returned his gaze to the road. Rey let the air out of her lungs in a shaky breath.

Rey turned sideways a bit, just the slightest bit, to be able to look at him properly. He was dressed in something that resembled Jedi clothing, but she assumed that's not what it was. It must have been what he wore as a boy, what he had worn as an apprentice. He had chosen to honour his mother by giving up his dark clothing, his black hood and gloves, if only for today; but Rey was grateful. She was grateful that he had done that, grateful that for today, for now, Ben Solo was alive, back to them, back to the Light.

In a moment of wild hope, Rey let go of the flowers she was holding with both hands and let one hand, her left hand, the one that was next to him, fall to her side. Their fingers brushed against each other slightly when she did so, a feather like touch. She swallowed hard; so did he, neither of them looking at the other. Rey felt a desperate need grow in her heart, the need to know she was not alone, the need for him to tell her so. Helpless in the face of such need, Rey's pinky finger reached out to Ben's hand. The tip of her finger brushed against his skin for a few seconds, a rhythmic motion, back and forth, before she lost the courage and retracted her hand altogether.

Ben missed the warmth of her skin instantly. The touch of her hand had been so brief that he wondered if he had imagined it, if that whisper of a touch had all been in his mind. He had to know for sure, clenching his jaw, he willed his fingers to find hers. They did, her hand closer than he had thought it would be, his fingers bumping into her hand. He wondered if she knew, if she understood that he had wished to touch her gently, yet the emotions inside of him were too forceful, they had always been. In that moment, he had felt so awkwardly angled, so full of sharp edges, edges that would scratch and dent the surface of her smooth skin.

But Rey didn't care about that. She had opened her palm fully, taking in all of his hand, the callouses on her skin aligning with his. It was as if she was saying, _Look, I've got sharp edges too._

His fingers started exploring the inside of her hand, the tips of his digits tracing the lines in her palm, each one of them a road he wished to explore. It was insane, a distortion of reality, how close he could feel to her with so very little contact, and how at peace. Ben closed his eyes momentarily, letting out a deep sigh. She had almost made him forget the aching; almost. His fingers stopped their exploration and just stood there, motionless against her own.

Rey interwove her fingers with his, closed her palm around his, locked herself to him.And it had been as simple and as complicated as that.

 **AN: soooooo, I really hope you like it and...I'm just gonna put it out there...there is a surprise coming up in the next chapter! As always, let me know what you think about this chapter :) I love reading your comments xxx**


	22. Part 22

**_3 years later_**

Rey paced back and forth in the small cell. She was aware of a dull aching in the side of her body but she ignored it. Her nerves were rattling, her heart ready to explode in her chest. She sat down on the small, uncomfortable bed, trying to calm herself. She closed her eyes and triedto meditate. Nothing, she couldn't find balance within herself. She scrunched her eyes and gritted her teeth; still nothing. The long hiss of a metallic door opening made her jump. She opened her eyes, her heart jumped to her throat in anticipation. She could recognise the sound of his footsteps and her heart started pounding. The door of her cell slid open and she jumped to her feet.

"Close the door," Kylo barked at the stormtroopers standing guard; they did.

Rey was hesitant, not sure what to do with herself now that he was in the room.

Kylo Ren glanced over her body, his gaze travelling from her feet to her face. He looked her in the eyes, a muscle flexing in his jaw. "Has he hurt you?" Every single word had been deliberate, coming out of his mouth determined and angry.

Rey shook her head. "No, I..."she started.

"Rey!"he warned.

Rey sighed. "Yes," she admitted.

Kylo's fists clenched and Rey could feel the Force swirl violently about him. "But, I'm fine," she quickly added.

"I will kill him," he said darkly.

She swallowed hard. She knew the man had sealed his fate the moment he had touched; but she didn't want to spend the little time they had talking about him. "Ben," she said softly.

His expression instantly changed when she called him that, as if he'd just been woken up from a dream, as if he'd been reminded of who he was. In a few short strides, he closed the gap between them and grabbing her face with both hands, he brought his lips to hers. Their lips crushed together in a moment of need, both desperate to feel the other was there, to know they were alright. Their lips stayed locked for a long time, not moving against each other, just skin resting on skin, the reassurance that they were not alone.

Ben broke the kiss and rested his forehead against hers. In the small space there was between them, their ragged breaths mixed. The Force was dancing around them, that familiar push and pull was gone, and what was left was a symbiotic relationship between black and white: dark followed by light, followed by dark, until they mixed and melted together, turning into grey. _Balance_. What Rey had strived to achieve earlier on her own, was now the most natural state of being.

"I need to go," he whispered against her lips.

"I know." She gave him a small smile.

He pulled away from her so that he would be able to look her in the eyes. "I'm coming back for you and we're gonna go home."

She laid a hand on top of his on her cheek. "I know," she reassured him.

He smiled, and it was as majestic as the first time she's seen him smile, and it was all hers. "The Resistance is on thier way," he said caressing the side of her face. "It'll be over soon."

"Ben, if you need me in there..."she started.

"You'll know," he smiled. "You always know," he said and his smile widened.

They stayed liked that, looking into each other's eyes, knowing there were so many things to say and so very little time. And so they didn't any anything, they just looked at each other, their eyes hungrily taking in the other's features. Ben was the first to break the spell. He leaned down and planted a kiss on her forehead. He closed his eyes as his lips touched her skin and let out a sigh that was lost in her dark hair.

Rey let go of him and took a step back, needing to separate herself from him in order to be able to let him go. Ben took a final look at her before he turned around to leave.

"Ben." Her voice stopped him just as he was about to open the door. He turned around. "I love you," she said, afraid she might become undone if she didn't.

He wanted to run to her and wrap her in his arms and never let go; but he didn't have time. Though he stayed silent, he looked at her in a way that, he hoped, conveyed everything he needed to say. When she smiled at him, he knew she had understood.

He punched in the code and the door opened with a hiss; it also closed with a hiss behind him.

 **AN: okay, so I know this is a mssive time jump and that stuff doesn't make sense but, I promise, things will be explained :D**

 **Thank youuuu so so much for all the lovely reviews! Please let me know what you think about this one as well ;) love writing for you guys xxx**


	23. Part 23

**AN: Soooo...I know this is coming quite late but I was snowed in for a couple of days and my internet connection was awful... and that's why this comes to you so late.**

 **From your reviews, I can tell that not everybody is on board with the time jump(yet) but I wanted to write something fun and exciting and this is where the story was going in my head. Thank you still for taking the time to write reviews and please don't worry about all the gaps, I'll make sure to fill you in on everything :) and if I don't, feel free to ask any questions :)) just know that this story is far from over and there are loads of things to look forward to.**

 **Ok, I'm done. Hope you enjoy this and let me know what you think xxx**

Finn secured the perimeter whilst Poe and Rose made their way out of the ship. So far, none of the stormtroopers had noticed them. _Kylo Ren kept his word,_ Finn thought. _Maybe there was still hope for him after all._ Yet, he couldn't help himself but ask Poe: "Should we go after Rey?"

Poe didn't look at his friend when he replied, "No, _he's_ going to take care of her. She'll be fine." And although Poe's tone was a little bit sad, it was also reassuring.

Finn nodded. "Alright."

As they made their way down the corridors of the First Order ship, Poe couldn't help but remember the time him and Rey had had the same conversation.

 _Flashback_

 _( 3 months ago)_

 _"Rey!" He grabbed her hand with his to stop her from walking away._

 _Rey turned around to look at him. "So?" She looked at him expectant._

 _"Well, wh-" he stammered. "How can we be sure this will work?"_

 _Rey narrowed her eyes at him. "It's the perfect plan, Poe! It will work."_

 _Poe sighed and looked away. "How do we know he will help us? That he will do what he promised?"_

 _"Oh," Rey was taken aback by his bluntness. "I just-" it was her turn to stutter, "I trust him."_

 _"Why?"he asked, evidently surprised._

 _"Because," Rey tried to think about good reasons that would explain her new found trust in their enemy, Kylo Ren; she didn't find any that wouldn't make her blush. "Because I know him," she said, even though the answer sounded childish and silly even to her own ears._

 _Poe scoffed. "Yeah, well usually that's not a good enough reason to start a war over," he let out more bitterly than he'd intended._

 _But it hadn't been about the attack, or even starting a war; it had been about his feelings towards Rey, feelings she didn't seem to reciprocate but that she seemed to have for that monster._

 _He started to walk away from her but turned back around to say. "The fact that you're in love with that monster," he said, in a low, serious tone, "doesn't make him safe. It just makes you dangerous."_

 _End of flashback_

Poe still felt guilt as he remebered that conversation. He had apologised long since and had come to terms with the whole situation, had even come to trust that Kylo Ren would keep his word even if it was only for Rey's sake; but still, the guilt was there. The guilt that he had let his feelings of jealousy get the best of him which ended up in him hurting his friend. That was not the behaviour of leaders. But now, he could make it up to her; and he would!

A*A*A

In her cell, Rey pressed her forhead against the cold wall as she lay on the uncomfortable bed. It had been a good plan and Ben had kept his word; they had underestimated Dai Ren though, and his power, his connection to the Force. Their plan had been simple: a small Resistance group would attack the First Order fleet-the distraction, Rey would be part of that group and would be captured in order to be taken to the Supreme Leader, which would put Rey and Ben on the same ship; and whilst they were distracted by the surprise attack, a group of Resistance spies would infiltrate on the main ship, that would be Poe and Rose, led by Finn; they would help Ben and Rey bring the First Order down from the inside, make it collapse in on itself. It had been a good plan, and everything had gone accordingly, until he interrogated her.

 _Flashback_

( _Earlier that day)_

 _Dai Ren paced around Rey, like an animal circling its pray._

 _"I can feel it, you know?"he spoke, his voice metallic and distorted by the mask, "The Force in you. It vibrates." He seemed mystified by this revelation._

 _Rey only clenched her teeth and looked away. She had been brought to a similar torture room like the one Kylo Ren had put her in the first time they met. Her hands and legs were strapped to the large, metallic table, pressing her body flat against the cold, unforgiving surface. She had known something like this was likely to happen, yet she couldn't shake the feeling that there was something wrong, something that wouldn't align to their plan._

 _Dai Ren stopped right in front of her, his head dramatically leaned to one side as he was observing her._

 _"You are something," the words dragged out of his mouth. He laughed to himself and then took off his mask, resting it, as Ben had, on a bed of burning coals and ash._

 _Rey felt her heart drop to her stomach, exactly the same, and at the same time for such a different reason, then it had the first time she had been in this position. Then, her heart had sunk in her chest when she had seen the hurt in Ben's eyes, his history; now, her heart had sunken in a pool of fear and anxiety when her eyes fell on Dai Ren's blood thirsty ones._

 _"Now," he smirked maliciously, "this is better, isn't it? More intimate?"_

 _Rey gasped when she felt the attack against her mind. It had become such an unfamiliar pain; Ben had only used it once on her, and then never again. It was agonising, the cruelest kind of torture; and he knew that, and he liked that. Rey could see the satisfaction on his face, the pleasure he was getting from hurting her._

 _"Get out of my head," she spat, between laboured breaths._

 _"Oh," he mocked being hurt, "but I was just getting to know you. Of course," he added, "not as well as Master Ren seems to know you."_

 _Rey couldn't help her reaction, in an instant, all her will and mastery of the Force gathered around the thought of hurting Dai Ren; in seconds, he was flung to the wall, his body then falling down with a thud._

 _The man's shoulders started shaking violently as his manic laughter echoed through the room. Rey watched him confused as he got up on his feet, carelessly wiping the blood off his chin. He grinned at her baffled expression. "I couldn't get inside your head," he told her, "your mind is too powerful." His eyes clouded. "But your heart is weak. As is Kylo's!"he spat. "He got attached to the little orphan girl that had bested him in a fight. How pathetic!" He grimaced, disgusted by his master's weakness. "But you know what? I get it," he said taking a step closer to her. "It's your eyes." He grabbed her chin in his hand but Rey pulled away instantly; he then grabbed it more roughly, forcing her to look at him. "These eyes would make any man do whatever you want," he whispered, leaning in close to her face. Rey struggled to free herself but couldn't; he carried on. "Any lesser man," he added. "I, however, am only interested in your powers," he said as he let go of her chin._

 _Rey pulled away and as far back into the cold metal of the table as she could. "You," she said through her teeth, "will pay for what you did."_

 _Dai Ren let out a surprised laugh. "You're threatening me?"he questioned. "You are brave," he then added admiringly. "It's just so unfortunate that there is so much light in you. I could have used you!"_

 _Rey looked away from him, disgusted by his offer. The same offer she had gotten years ago from the man that now fought on her side._

 _Dai Ren let out a sigh. "Well, I can't do anything too obvious to you or I'll risk him attacking me and starting this fight sooner than I would want it to. But," he said, taking out a glowing black crystal from inside his cape, "I can do some damage." He pressed the crystal up against Rey's ribcage, where it burned a whole through her tunic and scorched the layer of skin. The breath was knocked out of her and she let out a violent cry._

 _"Juuuuust, a little bit longer," Dai Ren said as he watched her gasping for her. "And done." He pulled the crystal away from her skin and Rey felt instant relief. But she felt faint and exhausted, and in moments, she had lost all consciousness._

 _End of flashback._

Rey had woken up hours later in the small cell. Slowly, she had remembered everything that had happened. She didn't know why she hadn't told Ben what had happened. Their time had been so little and so precious and she couldn't risk saying anything that would trigger him, that would set him off the course of their plan. This was not just about her, it was about the Resistance, about the entire galaxy; but she couldn't trust him to put all of those above her, not yet. And even though she loved him for that, she couldn't let him ruin their plan. They had to do this, they had to; it was the galaxy's only hope.

 **AN: Just wanted to say a bit thank you to all of you who joined and have followed and favourited and reviewed this story xxx**


	24. Part 24

Ben stopped just outside the corridor that led to Rey's cell. His whole body was shivering, his hands shaking with the anger that so vividly flowed through him. He leaned his forehead against the cold surface of the wall trying to calm himself. It didn't work. He balled his hand into a fist and punched the wall leaving a dent in the metal. He could feel pain radiating through his knuckles, and yet, it hadn't been enough. With shaking hands, he grabbed the lightsaber and yanked it from its stash, lightning it in an instant. He slashed the walls and sparks flew all around him. His moves were violent and erratic, his hands closing tightly around his saber, his emotions desperately seeking release.

When he was done, panting and with sweat dripping from his chin, Ben turned off the lightsaber and stacked it securely in his belt. It still hadn't been enough. No amount of wreckage he could do to this ship would ever be enough to release him from the violent hate he felt towards Dai Ren. No, that would only disappear with the knight's death. But he had to stay focused, because he had promised her. As his eyes fell on the cut cables that still let off sparks, Ben remembered the last time this had happened.

 _Flashback_

 _(6 months ago)_

 _Ben stood in the middle of his destroyed office, his breath still coming out ragged, his hand still gripping the lit lightsaber._

 _Her sigh came before her voice. "Now what has the wall done to you?"_

 _It felt strange, her teasing, but they had come to share this odd intimacy, some kind of friendship. Ben tried to smile but couldn't, the clenched muscles in his jaw didn't budge. He turned off his lightsaber, the constant hum of it vanishing, then dropped it to the floor. But he didn't turn around to look at her._

 _"Ben?" Rey called when he didn't reply to her teasing. She sat the Jedi manual that she was reading on her bed next to her, than stood up and walked into his part of the galaxy. She traded carefully on the shards of broken glass. It still felt strange, how their Force bond had modified after the time they'd spent together on Leda, when he had come to see her. A stronger connection must have built between them then because now, they could not only see each other's surroundings, they could affect them, feel them, truly be in them. She stopped inches away from his broad back. "Ben," she said it softer this time._

 _Ben didn't need her to say anything else, or to even ask him anything. He knew, even before she had materialised through the bond that he would tell her everything. He always did. And he knew it was a desperate move, but he didn't care; he was done feeling alone. He couldn't do that anymore, not when he had her, not when she so willingly came to him._

 _"He got inside my head, Rey." His voice was gravely, but it strangely lacked all the emotion that had led him to destroy his study. When Rey didn't say anything, he carried on. "He knows about Leda," he paused, "and you." Finally, he turned his head to the side, looking at her over his shoulder._

 _Rey stretched out her hand to touch his but hesitated. He didn't. Ben took a hold of her palm, clasping it with his own. What he had to say, what he feared to say out loud, was made evident to her in to flow of energy between them. The force around him swirled with anger, red from fury, then turned to a striking blue, the vibrations, loud and deafening, signifying fear; and then his Force turned dark, like an avalanche, a layer of dark snow had rested over him: death._

 _She could see them, the visions that tormented his mind. She saw the galaxy, laid out in ruins in front of her, saw death and destruction everywhere she looked. But then something grabbed her attention, a small body, laying on the ground, their white robes drenched in blood. She took a step closer and her breath caught in her throat and her pulse increased, she felt her palms sweating, her mouth drying out. On the ground, with blood gushing from the wound at her side, laid her body, lifeless, motionless, dead. As she looked upon herself, she felt another figure coming up from behind her, then kneeling next to the body. It was Ben, only, it didn't look like him. He was void of anything, cold as a stone. He picked up her body and carried her away, walking over hundreds of other dead bodies, crushing them with his feet as if they were nothing, as if they were less important than her._

 _Rey pulled away from his mind and retracted her hand from his grip. He allowed it. She was breathing heavily. She moved further away from him, turning around, hugging herself with her shaking arms. "That," her voice was shaking as well, "can't happen."_

 _"That won't happen!" Ben said almost forcefully. He made as if to walk towards her, but stopped himself. "I won't let anything happen to you, Rey."_

 _Rey felt a tear trickle down her cheek. "What about the galaxy, Ben? What about all those other lives that were lost in your vision?" She didn't turn around to look at him, she couldn't. She was too afraid of what she would see in his eyes, too afraid of what it would to her, to her own resolve._

 _Ben knew why she wouldn't turn around to look at him, and yet, he said it anyway. "If it comes to it, I will choose you."_

 _Rey bit her lip. That's what she'd been afraid of, that he would say that, that he would promise that; that she loved how important that made her feel even though she knew it was wrong. She shook her head. "It's not just the two of us in this galaxy. It can't be."_

 _Ben clenched his fists. "What if it where?"_

 _She turned around, outraged by his question. "Ben, you've asked me this before. And my answer hasn't changed." She had been too forceful, she could see that in the hurt hidden in the dark irises of his eyes. He looked away. She softened her voice. "This is not what your mother fought for."_

 _He let out a bitter laugh. "You can't just bring my mother into this, thinking it will change my mind!"_

 _"Why not? Why can't it? Ben, I know you know what the right thing to do is, so why can't you just do it?"she let out exasperated._

 _"Leave," Ben said, his voice eerily calm._

 _"Ben," Rey started._

 _"Leave, Rey," he repeated, meeting her gaze. "I will ponder what you have said and we can talk again tomorrow."_

 _She let a small smile illuminate her face._ _"Okay," she said, and moved past him to go back to her corner of the galaxy. When she was close to him, she laid her hand on his upper arm. Ben looked from her hand to her face. "Thank you," she whispered and then vanished._

 _End of flashback_

The next day, they had devised the plan they were executing now. Ben told himself that he had accepted to do the right thing for her sake, but he knew, even though he wasn't ready to admit it yet, that he was also doing it because there was something in him that urged him to do so. Pulling away from the cold wall, he was ready to face the throne room.

A*A*A

Dai Ren's languish gaze fell on the throne that would soon be his. It was only a matter of time now. He would slowly break into Kylo Ren's mind, plague him with thoughts of the girl getting hurt and he would do whatever he asked. It disgusted him how the master he so admired once could be brought to his knees by his feelings, his heart. He was weak and foolish, just like his grandfather had been. Darth Vader had had the power but had been just weak, sacrificing himself for the sake of his son. The Skywalker blood was tainted by failure. But he wouldn't fail.

"Would you stop that, General?" Hera Ren asked Hux, who was pacing back and forth.

The General stopped dead in his tracks and looked over to him for confirmation. Dai Ren waved his hand, not wanting to get involved in such trivial matters. No, he was eager to take hold of that throne, but where was his master?

As if summoned by Dai Ren's eagerness, Kylo walked into the room with his cape flying behind him. Determined, he marched to his throne, which instantly positioned him in a place of power. Dai Ren clenched his teeth and kneeled before his leader.

"You may rise," Kylo said, as if exhausted with the man's hypocrisy.

"Master," Dai Ren replied. "You have spent a long time with the prisoner."

An evil smirk spread across Kylo's face. "Not that that would be any of your business, but I had other matters to attend to," he said drily.

"What could be more important than dealing with our enemy?" General Hux jumped in but Dai Ren threw him an accusing look.

Kylo leaned forward in his seat. "General, she's but a girl, locked in a cell, guarded by our stormtroopers. I think it's safe to say we have some time," he mocked Hux.

"Perhaps we shouldn't underestimate her like master Snoke did," Hux spat out.

"I agree with the General," Dai Ren intervened before Kylo could strangle Hux with the force. "She is very strong with the Force. I have sensed it."

Kylo narrowed his eyes at the knight, his hold on the armrest tightening."And what else have you observed, Dai Ren?"

The knight seemed taken aback by his question. Was he really going to do this now? Well then, he would play along. "I have sensed she is fierce and loyal to her cause, that makes her weak, easy to manipulate. We'll tell her we can hurt her friends and she'll do whatever we want her to," Dai Ren said, a sly grin on his face.

Kylo Ren leaned back in his chair letting out a dark chuckle. "You believe it would be that easy? To turn her to the dark?"

Dai's grin widened. "The dark is already inside her."

Kylo got up from his seat but before he could do or say anything, an explosion was heard and the ship shook violently. Poe had done his job.


	25. Part 25

**AN: Hey guys, so it's been a while because I wanted to write longer chapters and give you a bigger chunck of the story so that it would make more sense :) so here you have, 3 long chapters all in one go :D**

 **Also, I've realised I forgot to put the time frames for the flashback, which I have started to do now, so I updated the last 2 chapters as well, if you feel like checking those out again ;)**

 **Otherwise, thank you for all your reviews and faves and follows and looking forward to see what you think about these new chapters xxx**

Rey felt the jolt of the ship, which meant Poe had managed to struck the core and now they had only hours left before the ship would collapse. And she could only wait.

Rey almost jumped when she felt the surge of the Force. It wasn't just inside her, but everywhere around her, _his_ signature, _his_ call. He needed her help, she could tell from the erratic vibrations of the power inside her. She got to her feet and knocked on the door, three times, each knock longer than the other. The doors opened and the stormtroopers stood on either side of it. Rey took a tentative step outside the cell, neither of the stormtroopers moved or showed any signs of protest; so she took another step, and then another, until she was running down the intricate corridors towards Ben. The Force was showing her the way and she couldn't help but marvel at their connection. How could they be so connected now, when she could so clearly remember a time they hadn't been?

 _Flashback_

 _(The months after Leia's death)_

 _Rey had been desperate to see Ben again after the funeral. He had just vanished from the procession, the warmth of his hand gone, leaving her own feeling exposed and vulnerable. She had held out her hand for a while, before she realised he wasn't coming back._

 _And then, after it had all finished, the big ceremony, the farewells, the painful goodbyes, Rey had waited in her room for him to show up, to talk. She wanted to tell him he wasn't alone in his pain and grief, he had her, they had both lost Leia. She could share in the burden, if only he'd let her._ _But he didn't come, that night or the following night or the night after that. He didn't come to her for weeks; he didn't come to her at all._

 _Rey figured it would only be a matter of weeks, after all, he couldn't control the bond, could he? The Force would connect them regardless; just like it had the first time. So she patiently waited for that. In the beginning, she had been hyper-aware of any changes in the flow of the Force around her, stopping at odd moments in her day just to wait for him; nothing ever happened. But she had hoped and had searched for him, tried to reach him herself, but it was as if he had erased his signature all together, or as if he was hiding from her._

 _It was after 6 months of not seeing him at all, that Rey finally admitted to herself that she might never will again, that somehow, their bond had broken; or that somehow, Ben had destroyed it. She remembered so vividly how it had felt, being trapped into the vacuum of his absence, feeling betrayed and empty; but mostly, feeling alone. She remembered feeling more than she'd ever felt on Jakku, more abandoned, more hurt. He had offered her a piece, the tiniest piece of himself, that showed that he was hurting, and then he had ran away. He was a coward; and a lot of the times, she would be angry at him; and yet, most days, she would feel broken, like she was lacking a part of herself. And it frightened her, it frightened her how his absence had affected her in those first months._

 _But, eventually, she had learned to live with his absence, just as she'd learned to live with the absence of her family; and the next six months after that became bearable. She wasn't looking for him in every corner, wasn't expecting him to just materialise out of thin air anywhere around her. No, by now, she had learned that he wouldn't; and she was ok with that. Besides, there were so many things she had to do since she had taken over Leia's role alongside Poe. Poe, sweet, kind and generous Poe; Poe who wanted to take care of her if only she'd let him. But how could she, when she was waiting on a ghost?_

 _Now, as Ben stood before her, 18 months after she had seen him last, she felt a lump rise in her throat, felt her insides churning. He stood there, taller than before, it seemed, and larger, his presence so very demanding. Rey felt tears gather in the corners of her eyes and she looked away from him and at the papers in her hands._

 _"Rey," he said her name softly, gingerly even, when she tried to ignore him._

 _Rey plastered the papers on the desk next to her and looked at him, her nostrils flaring. "How did you stop? Hm? And how did you start it again? How do you control it?" She realised she had been steadily rising her voice and leaning in. She pulled back, tried to calm herself._

 _"We control the Force, not it us," he answered in the most nonchalant way._

 _Rey scoffed. Then huffed. Then decided she didn't really want to do this with him right now, that if he could walk out on her, then so could she. She moved angrily past him and towards the door, but Ben grabbed her wrist with his hand and stopped her dead in her tracks._

 _Rey could feel her eyes well up, could feel the tremble of her voice, originating deep inside her throat, even before she spoke. "I can't feel you," she whispered, looking down at their hands and then back up at him._

 _Ben's eyes widened with shock, then saddened with understanding. "It's because of the time we spent apart," he said, his voice quiet. He offered her a small, sad smile before he removed his hand. She hadn't felt that either, but she was looking at his hands and saw him pull away. Ben let out a deep sigh as he took a few steps about the room._

 _"I want answers," Rey said, desperately trying to make her voice steady._

 _"Ok," Ben spoke from directly behind her and she flinched; she hadn't felt him come up so closely behind her. "Ask me," he encouraged her._

 _"After you came to the funeral," she started, "what happened?"_

 _"I trashed my room and Force-chocked most of the people that were in my way that day," he replied, his voice still holding a hint of the rawness and pain he must have felt that day._

 _Rey swallowed hard. She hadn't expected him to be so honest_ _so quickly. "Is it then when you stopped our bond?"she asked accusingly._

 _"No."_

 _"Then when did you?"she asked when he didn't offer any more details._

 _"I didn't."_

 _"Don't lie to me!" She turned around abruptly so that she could face him; but he had been a lot closer than she'd expected, their faces were only inches apart. Rey took a moment to look at his face, the scar on his cheek had healed even more, gaining a white colour and a rougher texture; his hair had grown, falling over his eye and obscuring his face, she wished she could pin it away. And his eyes, his eyes had changed, there was a glimmer in them that hadn't been there before, a shine in the warm brown of his pupils. It was strange, he was so close, and yet she couldn't sense him, not really. Their bond had never felt so thin and fragile._

 _"I'm not lying, Rey," he said, searching her eyes. "I didn't stop the bond, I just wished it away," he confessed._

 _Rey couldn't believe her own desperation, but she couldn't help but ask: "Why?"_

 _Ben lifted his hand as if to touch her face but stopped himself when he realised she probably won't feel a thing. Holding out his hand in mid air, he closed it into a fist and let it drop by his side. "Because it was easier," he heard himself confess._

 _Rey looked away. She tried to look at anything but him, and she failed miserably: for when she looked at her own hands, she couldn't help but glance at his, and when she stared at her feet, she couldn't help but notice his that were so close. She realised she needed space, space away from him, so she pulled away._

 _Ben itched to get closer to her as soon as she pulled away but knew that that wouldn't rebuild their connection; but that honesty would, so he was honest. "Rey," he started, "after my mother died, I knew I never wanted to be Ben ever again. There was nobody that would have remembered me by that name, nobody who would see me like Ben. Nobody, except you. Which meant you had to go away." He looked at her, his eyes apologetic. "So I just learned to use the Force and break our bond before it would completely form, before it could connect us. But I only did that for a while; eventually, you just disappeared." Ben let out a low chuckle. "But you were never really gone. As I tried to asses my power in the galaxy, as I killed and conquered, you were always there, at the back of my mind, just as she had been. I couldn't shake you off! And then one day, I remembered what my mother had said about my grandfather, that he had given his life for Luke, and I went in search of answers. And I've found out things, things about my family, about my blood, about who I really am. After that, I tried to reach you again, but I couldn't. Not until today."_

 _Rey only nodded. There was a lot she had to take in, a lot she had to process. And even though she had missed him like she would have missed a part of herself, and even though it felt like she had felt so alone for the past year and a half, she told him: "You should leave now. I'd like to be alone, Ben."_

 _End of flashback._

Rey ran until her feet were shaking, until she reached the throne room. Then, the doors opened and all hell broke loose.


	26. Part 26

Ben had not missed the opportunity the explosion Poe had created gave him,and lighting his lightsaber, he attacked Dai Ren. But the knight was skilled, and he had help, and as soon as Ben attacked him, Hera Ren had jumped in to defend him and Hux called in the stormtroopers that were waiting just outside the door. That's when Ben realised that his apprentice had prepared an ambush of his own, planning to overthrow and kill him; so he had reached out to Rey, and as he did, he remembered the last time he had reached out to her as desperately as he had done now.

 _Flashback_

 _(Second Force bond meeting after Leia's death/ or 18 months ago)_

 _She had listened to him. She had listened to him trying to explain himself, sharing as much as he could without splitting himself open in front of her. She had listened to him and that's all he could have asked for. All he could have asked for before he had seen her, before he had gazed into her green eyes and seen the hurt in them; before he had touched her hand and she had felt nothing._

 _Days later, Ben sat on the edge of his bed, clenching and unclenching his fist, as if checking that his hand was still real, that he could still hold something in his grip. Perhaps, the truth was that she had slipped between his fingers a long time before he had truly failed to hold her hand._

 _But he was broken out if the trance of his own silly exercise when a swirl of the Force appeared in his room and Rey appeared before him._

 _"Take out your glove!"she ordered him._

 _Ben jumped to his feet, doing as she'd asked. It had been days since she had asked him to leave her alone and he hadn't really known if she'd speak to him again. "Rey, what-"_

 _"No," she interrupted him, moving closer, "don't say anything. I just want to see something."_

 _And just like that, in the same way that she had done so long ago in the little hut on Ahch-To, Rey opened her palm, and with it herself, and extended it towards him. Ben heard his heartbeat in his ears like the sound of war drums. He inched closer, leaned in, trying to pull in without pushing her away._

 _Rey's hand was shaking, slightly, the tips of her fingers tingling with only the memory of his skin. She carefully watched Ben's fingers, slowly moving towards her own. Her breath hitched the moment his skin grazed her. She had felt it, and oh, how she had felt it, vibrating through her and sending shivers through her whole body. The contact had been so intense that she bad slightly pulled away. But Ben couldn't let her get away again, his hand weaved around her own and he held her hand with his, bringing them both to his lips._

 _He whispered something against her knuckles; or maybe he hadn't, maybe she just thought he did, maybe he'd just breathed over her hand before he touched his lips to it. So very slightly and so very gently, his lips like velvet against her skin. He closed his eyes and held her hand close to his mouth, kissing each knuckle in part, until she felt her knees weaken._

 _"Ben," she breathed out._

 _He looked up at her and smiled, and she could feel his smile against the skin of her hand. But he felt the bond thinning out and he let go before she would disappear out of his hands again._

 _End of flashback_

As soon as Rey rushed in, her eyes found Ben, fighting off both Dai and Hera Ren. Rey tried to make her way towards him but General Hux cut her way.

"Where do you think you're going, scavenger?" Hux hissed then called out, "Guards!", and a handful of stormtroopers made their way by his side.

"Why don't you fight your own battles, General?" Rey challenged him but with a move of his hand, he released the stormtroopers to attack her.

Rey lighted her lightsaber just in time to stop an attack, then moving swiftly, she hit the stormtrooper with it and left him unconscious. But then the next one came from behind her, choking her, whilst another rushed to her from the front. She lifted her legs, hitting the stormtrooper coming towards her, than cut off the hand choking her with her lightsaber, before she rendered them both unconscious.

On the other side of the room, Ben was fighting off Hera's physical attacks whilst Dai Ren tried to get inside his head. The effort of protecting his mind left him vulnerable to Hera's attacks and she managed to cut his arm. Ben stumbled backwards, breathless from the pain in his arm and the effort of keeping his mind locked. Hera Ren rushed towards him then, ready to strike him again, when Rey came up from behind her and hit her with her saber.

"You ok?" Rey checked in with Ben. She'd managed to evade the stormtroopers, killing two but rendering most of them unconscious.

Ben nodded at her but in that moment of distraction, both Hera and Dai Ren attacked again. Ben fell to his knees from the excruciating pressure on his mind, as Rey was knocked to the ground by the knight. However, Ben pushed against Dai's attack and grabbing his lightsaber, he ignited it and ran towards him. Dai Ren managed to stop the attack with his own lightsaber and now they were stood, glaring at each other over the crossed, glowing lights of their sabers.

Meanwhile, Hera had knocked Rey to the ground and tried to strike her with her spear. Rey, however, managed to evade her and grabbing the spear, she lifted herself up just as she pushed Hera to the ground. Before the knight could do anything else, Rey used to Force to break both Hera's wrists; the woman screamed in agony but Rey took the spear and ran towards Ben.

Catching her by surprise, General Hux grabbed her from behind, weaving a powerful arm around her neck. His strong forearm was stopping all the air from coming into her lungs as he spoke against her ear. "This is where you die, scavenger," he spat out.

Rey had tried to stop him, tried to fight back but he had caught her off guard. As she chocked for air, she felt the spear slip out of her hands, felt a haziness come over her mind; before it did, she reached out to Ben.

Ben was duelling Dai Ren, he had managed to strike him a couple of times but he was powerful and they had trained together, and whilst that gave Ben an advantage because he knew his weaknesses, it also gave the same advantage to Dai Ren. But then, Ben felt Rey's desperate, yet weak, push against his mind, and when he looked in her direction and saw Hux hurting her, he felt his blood boil with fury.

"You pathetic man!" Ben growled as he outstretched his hand and pried Hux away from her with the Force. He threw the General into a nearby wall, then let his body fall to the ground. Rey was sure she had heard his skull cracking but Ben was making his way towards him, wanting to make sure he was dead.

"Ben, Ben," Rey stopped him with her hand on his chest. "It's fine. He's gone. I'm ok."

Ben laid a bruised hand on her face; at some point, he had taken off his gloves. She leaned in to his touch then smiled at him.

"How touching!" Dai Ren exclaimed, clapping loudly.

Ben's eyes clouded with anger, his dark pupils, becoming infinitely darker.

"The prince and the scavenger. What a love story," he mocked them.

Ben and Rey both turned around, squarely facing him.

"Just like your mediocre mother and pathetic father," Dai Ren pushed.

Rey felt a dark cloud starting to settle over Ben's mind and she grabbed a hold of his hand. For a moment, she thought she could see Kylo Ren back in his features; but then, Ben squeezed her hand.

"You, Supreme Leader of the First Order, Master of the Knights of Ren," Dai Ren kept mocking.

Rey felt Ben reach for his weapon, heard it vibrate by his side when he lighted it. "Ben," she pulled on his hand. She wanted him to look at her, wanted him to realise that Dai Ren was only trying to use his own anger agaisnt him. Ben quickly glanced at her before his gaze returned to the knight.

"Brought to his knees by a girl," Dai Ren snarled, narrowing his eyes on Rey.

Ben brought their entwined hands before Rey, slowly pushing her backwards. But before Ben could rush towards his former apprentice, or before Dai Ren could attack him, another explosion, coming from the core, broke the ship in half, splitting the throne room in two: Dai Ren on one side and Ben and Rey on the other.


	27. Part 27

"This ship is falling apart. Where are they?" Rose asked panicked, but no one in particular.

Her, Poe and Finn were waiting in the ship bay, the Falcon ready to take off as soon as Rey and Kylo were there as well.

"They'll come," Poe called from the pilot's cockpit.

"Yeah, they will," Finn said reassuringly as he caressed her back.

Rose smiled at him. "Let's hope so."

A*A*A

"Ben, let's go," Rey pulled on his sleeve.

Ben's eyes were glued to the spot where Dai Ren had just been. Part of the ship had collapsed and he was most likely stuck underneath the wreckage. But he couldn't be sure, and he wanted to be sure; but Rey kept pulling on his sleeve.

"We have to go!"she insisted. "Look," she moved in front of him, blocking his view, "he's most likely dead. And if he's not, he will die once the ship fully collapses. And so will we if we don't leave. Now!"

Ben cast one final look in Dai Ren's direction before he nodded at Rey.

A*A*A

"I see them," Rey shouted towards Ben, trying to cover the sound of the blaring alarms.

Her and Ben were making their way through the wreckage, having fought off a few stormtroopers, they were now in the hangar bay. Rey could see Rose and Finn waiting for them at the opening of the Falcon. She smiled when she saw them.

Ben was running behind her, trying his best to keep her safe. It was almost done, he could see the ship too. Almost there, so close to this coming to an end, and yet he still felt the visions creep in, and with them, the familiar fear that had been haunting him ever since he'd had the visions for the first time. _Rey's dead body._ He shook his head, trying to clear his mind, shake the images out.

Rey turned around for a second, just to see him, just to check that he was fine behind her, when the pain imploded. From her side, where Dai Ren had touched her skin, an excruciating pain erupted, thanking over her whole body. The breath was knocked out of her and she couldn't control her limbs anymore; her body came crushing down.

Ben had watched it all happening as if in slow-motion. He'd seen the dark surge of energy travel past him and hit Rey, somewhere in her side, somewhere near her heart. He watched her features distort from the pain, saw her body collapse to the ground. He rushed to her side, pulling her head on his lap.

"Rey, Rey, Rey," he called to her, louder each time.He watched her eyes get disoriented, felt the consciousness slip out of her mind. "Rey!"he said again, gently slapping her face. Her breathing started to slow down and her hands were growing cold. She was perishing in his arms. "No, no, no. Rey!" He felt the tears gather in the corner of his eyes, felt panic rise in his chest as the visions flooded his mind. The thing he had feared most, materialising before his eyes and he was useless; completely and utterly useless in the face of it.

"No, no, no, no..."he kept repeating as he buried his head in the croak of her neck. He felt his chest tightened, while his entire body was shaking. He kept calling out her name, trying to shake her awake, until all of a sudden he stopped. With his head plastered against her neck, Ben realised he couldn't hear _anything_ ; there was no pulse. Her heart had stopped beating.

Poe was running to Kylo who was knelt besides Rey's body. He couldn't see clearly, but she didn't look good; he ran faster. But Poe stopped, pinned to the spot by Kylo's violent cry; it had shaken him to the core.

Ben had leaned back his head, looking up at the merciless night sky of the galaxy, as he cradled Rey's head in his lap. His fingers were pressed against her pulse, but there was nothing, not a beat. His cry teared through the chaos of the explosions, and he felt it come out from every single pore; his whole body aching with grief.

Poe felt the repercussions of Ben's pain in the metal underneath and all around him. It was bending at his will, he was, most likely, using the Force to release his anger and the hangar bay shook with the force of his emotions, the lights exploded and the windows broke, casting them in darkness. And then he saw him, later than Kylo had seen him, a hooded figure, limping towards them through the smoke. Once he came into the little light there was, Poe could see the smug grin on his face and he knew that he had done that to Rey; he also knew that Kylo Ren would kill him, and that he wanted to.

Poe quickly ran to Kylo's side. He was glaring at Dai Ren but still holding Rey's limo body. "I can take it from here," Poe said.

Ben seemed surprised by his very presence, surprised there was anybody there at all; and it took a moment for recognition to flash in his eyes. The pilot cared for Rey, he would take care of her. He nodded, still reluctantly even though he trusted him to take care of her, and Poe gathered her body in his arms and carried her away to the Falcon.

Ben watched him carry Rey but Dai Ren's laugh made him turn around swiftly. The knight looked terrible, his face was bruised, one of his arms hanged limp by his side and blood was coming out of a deep wound in his leg.

"Oh, is she not alright?"he mocked.

Ben felt his hand move before he could actually realise he was doing it, the surge of the Force though him was so great. He outstretched his hand towards the knight, palm wide open and Dai Ren was thrown up in the air and then back to the ground. Ben marched towards him, pinning him down with the Force. The knight tried to fight against it but Ben's control of the Force was impenetrable. As he made his way towards him, Ben slowly started closing his fist; he could feel the Force resisting him at first, but then he heard it, the crack of a broken bone in Dai Ren's body. The man screamed in agony. He closed his fist more, and the cracks were louder this time. He closed his fist tighter still, until his hand was balled up and he could hear every single one of Dai Ren's bones breaking, one by one. He was so hyper-aware, so sensitive to the work of the Force that he could hear each individual crack, could hear the broken bones perforating his lungs, causing him to choke, could hear his ribs cutting wounds in his heart. Then he heard his heartbeat slow down, just like he had heard Rey's, and he balled his fist tighter.

He had stood there, looking over Dai Ren, his hand still balled into a tight fist, long after the knight had actually stopped breathing.

A*A*A

Ben had collapsed against the wall of the Falcon, his body limp and motionless against the metallic wall. From where he sat, he could see Rey's body, but obscured by Poe's frame. He had bandaged her wounds and cleaned up her face.

Ben tried to feel regret for not being the one to do that, but he couldn't. He couldn't feel a thing. He couldn't feel pain, physical or otherwise; he couldn't feel grief or anger or hatred, emotions he had always felt, ones that didn't seem to leave himon the past. And now, he couldn't feel anything. It was as if his heart had slipped into nothingness, as if he'd exhausted the receptors inside of him, those sensitive to feelings, and now only numbness remained; thick, impenetrable numbness. He felt suffocated by his lack of aching, his lack of hurt, so he opened his mouth to speak before he could stop himself.

"She's not going to wake up. Her heart stopped beating," he said to Poe. But he hadn't said it like a suffering man; no, his voice had been cold and cruel, wanting the pilot to feel the same hurt he'd felt, wanting him to feel like he'd lost her too. After all, it was unfair for him to grieve her alone.

Poe turned around to look at him and said, with more kindness in his voice than he could ever muster in his eyes, "Her heart's still beating. But it's weak, that's why you couldn't feel her pulse."

Ben felt an unfamiliar sensation rush thorough his body, hope. He could see its colour, green, swirling about the Force surrounding Rey. It was so real, he could trace it with his fingers. It looked alive and almost palpable. But then he felt the rush of a more familiar feeling, disappointment. If her heart was still beating, it didn't mean it won't stop any second.

"She'll make it!" Poe declared as if he could hear Ben's thoughts. "We know somebody who can help."

Despite himself, despite doubting with every fibre of his being that Rey would be alright again, Ben nodded, accepting Poe's comforting words.

A*A*A

"Of course I can help her," Maz said, looking at them with her strangely large eyes. "But she'll need time, and the Force," she added looking at Ben.

"Anything!"

 **AN: There you have it, the last one of the three :) hope you enjoyed them and let me know what you think xxx**

 **Ps. Rey is going to be alright! :D**


	28. Part 28

**AN: Ok, so it's been a little bit longer since I updated last, but I've been a bit busy finishing my other Reylo Fanfic When we were young :) so that's all finished now if you haven't checked that out yet and feel like binge reading something, you should check it out :)**

 **As always, thank you for all the lovely reviews and the new faves and follows :D really appreciate you guys xxx**

Rey hadn't woken up in the few days they'd spent with Maz, and Ben hadn't gotten any sleep. He had been by her side day and night, listening to her heartbeat, hearing it grow stronger, feeling her signature in the Force wake up once again. But it was still weak. And she was not there, not really.

Ben felt the whole in his chest, the one that had formed the day he thought she had died, grow bigger and bigger; and he feared that one day, it could swallow him whole. Hopelessness was now etched in his features and he couldn't do anything to shake the dark cloud that had come over his mind.

 _What if she died like his mother had died? Like his father had died; like his uncle had died. All killed by his hand. What if she died, also by his hand?_

Ben shook his head, physically trying to shake out those thoughts. Rey wouldn't die; she couldn't. He would not let that happen. Because he needed her, because he didn't really know what to do without her, _alone again._

He let a big sigh escape his lips and grabbed a hold of her hand. _How did this happen?_ He asked himself as he studied her face. _How had she become so important? How had he let himself feel, allowed himself to get so attached, that it now hurt him to his core?_

He knew the answer. It was Leda. It was her meeting him there and everything that happened there, that had changed everything.

 **A*A*A**

Poe was the only one that had stayed behind with Rey and Kylo R-, Ben; the only one that had stayed behind with Rey and Ben. It was something he still needed to get used to, calling him that. But he would, for her sake. If, no, when, _when_ she would wake up, he would learn to live with the fact that she had chosen him.

 _"Not chosen him, Poe."_ That's what she had said to him after she'd gone back to meet Kylo on the Leda planet. "It _doesn't feel like I've had a choice in this. It feels like it's always been me and him, like he's a part of me."_

 _"Yeah, the dark part,"_ he'd retorted hurt.

But Rey had only shaken her head. _"Not just the dark part. The part that I need so that there would to be balance within me."_

Yes, ever since Leda, Poe had learned to live with that, so he could do it now too. Everything had changed since Leda.

 **AN: ok, so short chapter, I know, but this is just something that I needed to set the scene for the chapters to come. So get ready because the next few chapters are basically a big flashback of what happened on Leda ;)**


	29. Part 29

**AN: Let the flashbacks begin...hihi, hope you enjoy xxx**

 _Flashback (1 year ago or 2 years after Leia's death)_

"Where are you going?"

Her question hadn't been like they used to, gentle and curious; it had been demanding, still carrying some of the hurt his rejection had caused her. He had pushed her away, deliberately, for more than a year, every day, he had made a conscious choice to push her away. It was hard for Rey to understand that, to understand how he'd been able to push her away, to lock her out of his mind, when she'd felt his absence so strongly,so terribly vivid. Sure, their bond had been inconvenient in the beginning, him showing up around her hadn't been something she'd easily gotten used to; but she had, gotten used to it, to having him around, to knowing he was there. And in some ways, it had become more than just a Force bond that had been thrusted upon them, it had become companionship, togetherness, friendship. At least to her.

Ben looked up at her from where he knelt on the floor of his ship, checking to see if he had everything he might need. The ship was small and the space between them felt too little, even though she was actually light years away. It had become uncomfortable again, perhaps even more uncomfortable than before, to be this close to her. It was uncomfortable and odd because something had transpired between them, a moment, an understanding, something deeper than whatever they'd felt on the surface, and then he'd ran away; and that was a truth they couldn't escape in that small, almost claustrophobic space.

"I'm going to Leda," he told her, focusing his eyes again on what his hands were doing.

"The Resistance isn't there anymore," she replied almost angrily.

"I know." He didn't look up at her, but his voice was calm and calculated, not giving anything away.

She felt like she was fighting with a wall. She'd felt like that all the time he'd been gone. It was silly, fighting with his absence, but she had done it. She had been abandoned all her life and it seemed she still didn't know how to deal with it: with her parents, she had waited, but they never came back; with him, she'd fought it, and he'd returned. Maybe she should have been done fighting by now, but somehow, she felt she wasn't.

"Of course," she said coldly, accusingly, "always keeping track of the enemy so you can attack them when they least expect it, right?"

"Have you been attacked at all in these past months? Has the First Order ever attacked you first?" he demanded, standing up to face her.

Rey took a step back. Perhaps because she had suddenly realised they were too close to each other, perhaps because she had to admit to a truth that unsettled her. "No."

Ben's eyes softened immediately when he saw her pull away. It was disheartening, that when he'd pushed, she'd pulled away; she didn't use to do that, she used to push back. They both did, they'd push and push and push, until one of them would pull away; at last, he had pulled too far away. He sighed. "Then your accusation really doesn't stand, does it?" He'd sounded almost hurt when he'd said that.

"Then why?"she found herself asking.

Ben glanced into her eyes. "I think you know why," he said softly.

"I think I need to hear you say it," Rey said looking away.

Ben smiled, almost chuckled, at the turn of the situation, at how absurd he knew his words were going to sound. "Because I needed to know where you were. I needed to know you _were_ still _there_ , in the galaxy."

Rey looked at him, her unasked questions echoing between the two of them. _Why? Why, if he wanted to know, did he not use the bond? Why had he shut her out then? Why had he been searching for her in the wide galaxy when she'd always, only been one thought away._ But she didn't ask those questions, instead, she asked: "Why are you going to Leda?"

"I need answers, and Leda was once my home, it feels only natural that I should go back; the Force is calling me there."

Rey nodded. She was ready for their Force bond to be over. They had been short, ever since they'd started them again, they had always ended abruptly. Which was good, they didn't have much to say to each other; or they had too much and didn't really know how to put it into words. But this one, this one bond seemed to stretch out infinitely.

"Will you come meet me?" Ben heard himself asking in the silence that settled between them.

Rey was taken by surprise; her throat tightened. Leda, Leda had once been her idea, she had promised to bring him home, so why did she feel like the only answer she could give him now was 'no'? Rey looked from her fidgeting hands up to him.

And she didn't need to say anything.

 **A*A*A**

Ben stood on the dock he'd known so well as a child. It was the private ship dock, the one attached to the palace, his former home. As he stood there, he couldn't help but watch the ghost of his five year old self, run up to the Falcon even before it had fully landed. He could see the eagerness of the young boy even in the dark, bouncing curls on top of his head. Ben waved his hand as if to dissolve that image, to clear the air around him. Memories were far too alive in this place.

He'd anchored his ship on the inside, leaving room for Rey's ship, hoping she would come. Actually, he _knew_ she would come, in a place deep within him, a place he was reluctant to call his heart, he knew she would meet him. He just didn't know when. And it felt silly, waiting around for her to show up, but he felt he owed it to her. After all, she'd waited for him.

Ben looked up and saw a ship descending towards him and he knew it was her. And not necessarily because of their bond, although the Force had started buzzing around him, but because she was flying the Falcon, his father's Falcon; and in an odd way, his Falcon. She had taken his lightsaber, now his ship; he didn't want to think about the other things she'd taken over.

Rey landed her ship. She had seen him while she was still a while a way. But that hadn't mattered that much, because ever since they had been in the same atmosphere she had felt him, deeply within herself, a string tugging at her heart, stretching itself toward him, no matter how much she tried to hold on to it. After her engine had stopped, she'd spent a few minutes preparing herself, then she clenched her fists and got up from the pilot's chair. She walked up to the door and pulled the lever down.

The door opened with a hiss. Slowly, unveiling him in stages. He was stood upright, looking her straight in the eye. It was the mirror image of the bond they'd had on Crait; although, this time, it was happening in real life and in reverse. The door was opening, not closing, she had run to him and not away, and he didn't look sad or disappointed or hurt; he looked welcoming. _He looked like home_.


	30. Part 30

They had walked in silence for longer than Rey could bear. She thought a lot about what she was going to say, but there was one question her mind kept circling back to, so she asked it. "Why all this?"

Ben stopped, his boots screeching against the dirt road. He looked at her as if he didn't exactly understand what she was asking him.

"Why all this?"she repeated, stopping as well."Why come back here? Why search for answers?" _Why am I here,_ was the question she dared not ask aloud.

He turned his back to her once again and kept walking. Rey sighed but followed him regardless; they were nearing the forest.

"When my mother died," Ben started after a while, after she'd thought he wouldn't really answer her. "When we connected through the Force, she told me about my grandfather."

"Darth Vader?" Rey heard herself ask, although the answer to that was obvious. But she'd felt like she had to say something, show that she was paying attention somehow.

Ben nodded. "Yes, she told me about him, how he'd been 'redeemed'-I believe that's the word she chose-in the end."

Rey could have sworn she'd almost heard a smile in his voice, but she couldn't be sure because she couldn't see him. She hurried a bit, until she was by his side.

Ben carried on. "She told me about her and Luke and their father.I've never known those stories. I grew up believing my grandfather was the most powerful and dangerous man that ever existed. I grew up thinking they all hated him."

Ben took a turn into the forest and Rey realised where they were heading. She remembered this path exactly. They were going to the cave.

"After what my mother had disclosed, I had to find answers for myself," he carried on. "It was true," he said, as if surprised by the fact, "everything she'd said was true. At first, I was angry with my grandfather, for relenting, for being so weak," he glanced at her then, quickly, as if to check she was still there. "Eventually, the anger I felt towards him passed. But I was still angry that I've been lied to all my life. By my parents, by Snoke."

Rey looked up at him then, studied his hard profile, his sharp nose, the slight stubble on his jaw, the way his hair bounced when he walked. He must have cut it, his hair, it was shorter than when she'd seen him the first time they re-connected.

Ben turned to look at her and she looked away. He'd stopped walking. "We're here," he said.

She looked up and saw the entrance to the cave. Her breath caught in her throat.

"You've been here before," he deduced from her reaction.

Rey nodded. "When I...when I almost drowned and I called to you."

Ben's eyes filled with understanding. "There are things for me to see here. Isn't that right?"

She glanced at him, then sighed, "Yes."

Ben nodded and started for the cave. When he was half way through, he stopped to turn around and look at her. _But what was he gonna say? Was he going to ask her to come with him? To wait for him?_ He turned back and carried on without saying anything.

 **A*A*A**

Rey had waited for Ben for what felt like hours. The sun had already begun to set. She was resting her body against a nearby tree and watching the entrance to the cave. She could see nothing, she could hear nothing. She'd tried connecting with the Force and reach out to Ben, but it was as if all her signals had been stopped, drowned out. She'd given up after a while; she was just waiting.

Rey didn't realise what was happening until she saw Ben stumbling out of the cave. There weren't any wounds on his body, yet he seemed incredibly weak. Rey watched him fall to his knees and she rushed to his side without a second thought.

When she reached him, she fell to her knees as well so that she was in his line of vision. But Ben's head hung low over his chest, as if he was trying to look inside of himself. She saw him reach out his hand and beat the place where his heart would be. His breaths were erratic.

"Ben," she called to him but he didn't seem to hear, didn't seem to notice her just a few inches in front of him. "Ben!"she called again than put her hand over his in order to stop the assault on his body.

He finally looked up at her; but he still didn't see her. His eyes were bloodshot and void of everything, just two dark poles in his head. She sat directly in his line of vision but he didn't look at her, he looked _through_ her.

"Ben?"she whispered, putting her hands on either side of his face, forcing him to focus on her. "Look at me," she said. Rey felt the tears roll down her cheeks as his gaze remained void, unfixed; he was scarring her. "Look at me," she said it louder, "look at me," she shouted this time. She rested her forehead against his, their lips were only a breath away, and when she spoke the word 'please', it was as if it had been exhaled by her and inhaled by him. "Please...please."

"Rey?"

She heard Ben's strained and confused voice. She pulled away so that she could look at him. She could once again see the amber flecks in his eyes. She let out a relieved breath, one between a sigh and a laugh.

Ben grabbed her hands with his own and looked at her as if nothing made sense but as if he didn't really mind it just then. When he looked at her the way he did, Rey was reminded of where she was, of where she stood, knelt besides him and with her palms on his face. It was as if all her receptors were waking up after a deep numbness and she was only just now starting to feel; starting to feel _him_. The spikiness of the stubble on his jaw, contrasting with the softness of his cheek; the sharp edges of his jaw, the softness of his hair. The warmth of his skin that was reaching her even through his leather gloves, and his eyes, his eyes that looked at her as if she was the only thing he ever wanted to look at.

Rey looked away from his eyes, then gently, but swiftly, pulled her hands away from his face. She got up to her feet and so did he.

"We should get back to the palace," she said.

 **A*A*A**

They had walked in silence all the way back. They had moved in silence in the kitchen were they'd prepared their meals; now, they sat in the vast dinning room, eating in silence.

It was strange, it was as if they could hear the quiet around them, as if they could feel the undulations of no sound, the rise and fall. Sometimes, the silence was loud, deafening, other times, it was calm, almost comfortable; now, it was odd.

Rey set the food down besides her and heard herself break the silence for the hundredth time that day. "What happened in the cave?"

Ben had finished eating a while ago, his plate, still half full, was resting besides him. He looked up at her. They were sat far away from each other and there were no lights on, just a few candles; her face was a game of shadows. "I remembered," he spoke and his voice sounded different somehow, even to his own ears.

Rey didn't understand what he was trying to say, so she just waited for him to continue.

"I saw the past, I remembered my childhood."

That's what Rey had seen as well, his childhood, his past, and Snoke.

"I saw Snoke," he said then, as if he could hear her thoughts. Perhaps he could. "I saw _through_ Snoke," he corrected himself. "It was never about me, not really." Ben tugged on the fingers of his glove and took it of his hand. He raised his hand in the candle light and carefully traced the pattern of veins with his eyes. "It was about my blood, my legacy." He mocked that word, _legacy_ , he had believed so much in that word. He put his hand down then and discarded of the other glove too. "I suppose you know the cave tells you the truth about yourself?"he questioned, looking at her.

Rey nodded. She remembered what she'd seen, her in his place, the blood in his veins had become hers, the legacy of power had become hers; and she had done exactly the same thing that he had done. But whereas for her it had been a potential truth, a what if, for him it had been a reality. She met his eyes. "What did it do to you?"

"The blood," he said, "in my veins, in my heart, it started to _burn_."


	31. Part 31

**AN: Welcome to everybody that is new to this story! Thank you guys for following Ben and Rey along this crazy story and thank your for all your wonderful reviews! I am so happy to see how excited y'all are for this xxx**

"I've killed my father, Rey." Ben's voice came out strangled and he looked at her as if he understood, for the first time, what he had really done.

Rey swallowed hard. She willed the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks to stop; they didn't. She looked away as she briskly wiped them with her hand.

Ben had stopped looking at her as well, his eyes fixed on the flickering light of the candle. "They guilt started eating away at my flesh, at my heart, so I came out." Ben seemed to still be entranced in that moment, not entirely free from it just yet.

"That's why you were hitting your chest?" She posed it as a question, even though it wasn't.

Ben looked at her then, the saddest smile she had ever seen, on his face. "It wasn't the first time I wished I could rip my heart out of my chest," he admitted to her, although not sure why he did. Maybe because of the soft glow of the candle light, maybe because it was just the two of them there; or maybe because it was Rey, and he _wanted_ to tell her, he _wanted_ her to know.

At his admission, Rey felt her own heart break for him, as a new set of tears flooded her eyes. She inhaled shakily but said nothing.

"One of those times," Ben whispered, "was when you refused to take my hand." He didn't know why he had carried on, there was no reason for him to tell her that; no reason besides the fact that he just didn't want to hide anymore.

"That is not fair!" Rey got up from her chair. "You can't say that to me when _you_ left." She pointed an accusing finger towards him. "You were gone, for 18 months, you were _gone_." Rey almost choked on her angry words and tears.

Ben got up as well. "Rey..." he started towards her and she took a step behind.

"By then, I thought...I thought you were _my friend_ , Ben. I thought _you_ wouldn't leave me."

Ben looked away from her. "There is no explanation that I can give you that is not selfish," he admitted, sad yet resigned.

"Precisely," Rey said in a whisper, as if her hurt had left her out of breath. She moved past Ben and went into another room.

 **A*A*A**

Rey had wandered to the library. She knew this place by heart, and she'd always loved the library, it was peaceful and quiet. She ran her hand down the spine of old books as she made her way to the bay window. There, she sat down and looked up at the starless night sky.

Rey brought her legs up, then pulled them close to her chest, hugging them with her arms. She couldn't believe she had just burst out like that, couldn't believe how much she still hurt, even though _he was there._ She'd felt so betrayed when he left, felt like ripping her heart out of her chest if it would only stop hurting.

Rey let out a heavy sigh and rested her forehead on her knees, when she heard the door open with a soft click. She didn't look up to see who it was, she knew it was him, not just because they were the only ones there, but because she _felt_ him. Constantly. She'd felt him ever since she had set foot on this planet, moving and breathing and existing in the Force around her.

Ben walked through the darkened room as if he was still familiar with its layout, and for some reason, that made her glad. He came and sat down at the opposite end of the window bay seat. He laid his head against the wall as his gaze lazily traveled up her face, to meet her own.

"You were never my friend, Rey," he said, she looked away, out the window. "You were something else. You were my collision with the light."

His eyes were dark and intense and fixed on her own, which made Rey bite her bottom lip, drawing his passionate gaze to it. Her breath came out more shallow, she could hear her own heartbeat and she wondered if he could too. She had to say something, if only to distract herself and Ben, from that sound. "There is something that happens in the Force when we are...close," she was surprised to hear how breathless her voice sounded.

"I know," Ben said. He had leaned in without even realising, but he was still far away. "I've...felt it too."

"Why?" Rey inquired and that seemed to break whatever spell was on them.

Ben pulled away. "I don't know," he said to her. "But I should let you get some rest. I'll be in the other room." He looked at her, for a moment longer than it would have been necessary, then left.

Rey stretched out onto the now empty seat, too exhausted, confused and brethless, to find anywhere else to sleep.

 **A*A*A**

Later on, as Ben laid awake staring at the dark ceiling, he wondered why he'd not kissed Rey earlier. He had wanted to, and she seemed like she had wanted to too; and yet, there had been something stopping him. And it had been the Force, it had intruded their moment. He was too aware of her in the Force, of her power and vibrations and not so much aware of her, of Rey, of the Rey in front of him. So many of their connections had been a bending of reality, a fabrication of their Force bond, and he'd desperately wanted this to be real, to _feel_ real; so he'd pulled away.

When he would kiss Rey, he would want it to be simple and real, not a manipulation of the Force, not the Light Side and the Dark Side; just Ben and Rey, without the fate of the galaxy hanging on their shoulders.


	32. Part 32

**AN: Quick update because it felt mean to just leave you hanging after the last one hihi xxx**

By the time Rey woke up the next morning, Ben had already explored the palace, his former home. He'd wondered in and out of rooms, rooms that had been so familiar, rooms that had been prohibited to him as a child; rooms that held memories and hurt.

He'd eventually found his way to his old room. He was running his hands over the dusty furniture when he heard Rey in the doorway. He turned to greet her with a smile.

She offered him a small smile in return as she made her way deeper into the room. The space was small, they wouldn't be able to go past each other without touching,so she stood where she was. She watched Ben pick up the Millennium Falcon miniature she had picked up as well, years ago now.Ben ran his fingers over the patched up pieces of the ship, and Rey was surprised to see he had discarded of his black gloves completely. It felt like a victory, a small win, a small piece of the darkness that he had given up.

"I used to love this...and hate it," Ben chuckled, low and guttural; Rey loved the sound.

"Did Han teach you how to fly?"she asked, and she didn't know why, but it felt like it was a safe question; here, in this place, in this particular time frame.

Ben half smiled. "Him and Luke. They had very different ideas."

It made her happy, that he also had good memories about his childhood. "You were incredibly talented," she said, remembering what she had seen in the cave, "you could make it fly by using the Force."

Ben's smile faded a bit. He had also destroyed the miniature by using the Force. Rey knew that's what he was thinking, she didn't know how, but somehow, she'd penetrated his thoughts. He knew it as well; he looked at her as if he knew.

"Ben..."she started but couldn't say anything else beside his name.

Ben sat the miniature back on the shelf, then took a few steps towards her. His room was small, they were very close now. When he started speaking, Rey stopped trying to make sense of his thoughts that were all of a sudden opened wide to her, and focused on his voice. "When we were here last time, you asked me to come home." His voice had dropped, not to a whisper, but almost. That's when Rey realised how close to him she was, and that he was leaning in closer still.

Rey allowed her eyes to wander to his lips before they returned to his eyes again. "Will you,"she breathed out and her hot breath tickled his neck, "come home?"

A corner of Ben's mouth lifted up. He took a step closer, which meant there was no space left between him and Rey, not really, merely a few inches. She was so close that he could feel the whisper touch of her lips on his own. Ben lifted his hand and moved a strand of her behind her ear, then his palm rested there, in the thickness of her hair, as his thumb gently grazed the underside of her jaw, slightly angling it upwards. When he did that, his lips brushed against her and she inhaled shakily. Ben studied her as he cupped her face with his other hand and brought their lips together once again. Their mouths didn't move, their lips only pressed against each other, sweet, disarming pressure.

He pulled away slightly, only to look into Rey's eyes. There was nothing more intimate than to stare into her eyes. Then, he closed his own and brought his mouth to hers once again. Rey closed her eyes as well, as his lips started moving, softly tugging her own. Their chins gently bumped against each other, as did their noses and Rey felt herself smile in the kiss; and Ben had kissed her smile.

Rey had allowed her hands to wander up his chest, and one hand was pressed against his pounding heart. In that moment, the moment Rey had touched his heart, Ben remembered the time she had called him a monster and he had indeed wandered if he still had a heart; but now, with her hand on his chest, Rey had gloriously reminded him that he did have a heart, and one he didn't wish to rip apart.

 **AN: It finally happened! Their first kiss! The pressure was on with this chapter but I'm happy with how it turned out.Please let me know what you guys think xxxx**


	33. Part 33

**AN: Guys!!!! Thank you all so much for the beautiful response to the last chapter! I am so happy you enjoyed it :D hope you like this one as well xxx**

They had discovered Jedi manuscripts in Ben's room, the ones Luke had given him as a present for his 18th birthday. Now, they were still in Ben's room, both of them sat on the bed and reading through different manuscripts.

They hadn't talked after the kiss, they had only laid their foreheads against each other and breathed. Inhaled and exhaled, as if they were learning a new way to breath, a new way to be: together.

Then, Ben had remembered he'd had a secret hiding place as a child. There, they had found the Jedi texts they were reading now.

"Something doesn't match here," Rey spoke. "The Jedi are clearly advocates of the Light Side, yet here it says that there can be no light without the darkness."

Ben stretched out his hand and Rey handed him the paper. He read it carefully. "Hmm, it seems that this advocated a middle way, between the Sith and the Jedi code, like they can almost complete each other."

"No light, no darkness?"Rey asked.

"Grey," Ben ventured.

"Is that possible?"

"This Grey Jedi Order seemed to think so. They argue that there is only the Force, no light or dark side," Ben replied studying the text.

"So the Force user gets to determine whether their actions are good or bad," Rey concluded. "That seems awfully arrogant."

Ben set the papers down. "Not really," he countered. "Who's to say what is the right or wrong way to use the Force."

Rey gasped. "If you use the Force for selfish gain, then it is wrong!"

"Why? It is your power, you own it."

"And what happens when that power starts to take away lives?" Rey asked outraged.

"You can point your finger at the First Order all you want, Rey, but the Resistance has also taken lives. Why are they any different?" Ben argued.

"Because they fight for good!"

"Good is a relative!"

"No, it isn't!"

"Then who decides what is good? How did you decide, Rey?Was is because the Resistance got to you before the First Order did!?"

"No," Rey said, standing, "because I saw with my own eyes the hurt the First Order caused."She left the room; Ben followed.

"Rey!"he called after her when they were outside his room.

She turned around. "No, Ben! What are we even doing here?" She gestured with her hands to the place around them. "You and me,"she questioned, " what are we doing here and what is going to happen when we leave?"

Ben sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He hadn't thought about that, he hadn't wanted to think about that, he was still figuring out so many things, and he just wanted to enjoy the time he had with her. But he knew that this was bound to happen at some point, they belonged to enemy camps.

"Well?"she pushed him.

"I don't know," Ben shrugged.

"We can't repeat last time," she said softly.

As soon as she said that,images started flooding his mind. Sparks flying around them, dead guards lying on the floor, Snoke's body cut in half, him stretching out his hand towards her, begging her to stay, her crying, pleading with him to go, to chose another way.

"No," he spoke, his voice determined, "we _won't_ repeat last time."

"Then what do we do? What happens after this?"

Ben closed the space there was between them and grabbed her hand with his own, rubbing his thumb against her knuckles. "Would it change anything if you knew that I would take your hand now, in a heartbeat, no questions asked?"

She looked at their hands. "Of course," she whispered.

"Then let's not worry about this tonight," Ben said and pulled her back into the room.

 **A*A*A**

Ben and Rey fell asleep together that night. They were laying on Ben's bed, both on their side, facing each other. Well, Ben was asleep; sleep was eluding Rey. She kept thinking about their conversation earlier, about everything he had said and those thoughts were twisting her insides.

Yes, he had said that this time, should she offer, he would take her had. _But would she, offer it to him? Was this the right time for her to return to the Resistance with Kylo Ren, their enemy?_ But these were not the only questions that haunted her. No, the ones she wanted to evade, the ones that left her with a lump in her throat were these. _Why would he take her hand? Just to be with her or because he believed her way was better? And had he really changed, deeply, to his core? Yes, he had admitted to feeling something for her but was that everything? Was it anything?_

In her turmoil, Rey had turned away from Ben's sleeping body to look up at the darkened ceiling. Now, she moved her head so that she could look at him. He seemed calm, peaceful, something she hadn't really seen on Ben's face. His chest was rising and falling slowly, his hair had fallen on his cheek, covering one of his eyes. Rey's gaze fell on her hand that was still locked in Ben's, he had taken hold of it whilst they had been talking and he hadn't let go of it since. Perhaps he had spoken the truth, he would take her hand and hold on to it this time.

Ben had captured her hand when he'd started telling her about the months after his mother's death, how he had gone back on Tatooine to find answers about Anakin, how he had used the force to tap into the memories of his past, memories half hidden in his consciousness. He had winced when he had told her about the painful process of accessing his past and Rey had wished to stretch out her palm and smooth over the lines on his face, but she didn't. Instead, she gently squeezed his hand and he smiled at her. As he talked, Ben paid an exquisite amount of attention to her fingers, tracing his own along the knuckles of each, brushing her digits with his own fingertips, intertwining their fingers together. Rey had been fascinated by each pattern his fingers were creating on her skin and more often than not, her gaze kept wandering back to them.

Except when he told her about the Knights of Ren, when his voice had turned cold and serious all of a sudden, then her eyes had fixed on his and never moved away. He told her how the Knights had formed, they spoke again about that night they had spoken so much on Ahch-To of, the night Luke had turned against him, the night _he_ had turned against the Light. Ben had held on tighter to her hand than, as if to make sure she wouldn't leave; she doubted that at this point, she would even be able to. Rey had also shared the vision she had had about them and Ben slowly nodded his head. Then he told her about Dai Ren, about their training and how he didn't trust him. Ben's Force had darkened slightly and Rey could feel it in him, not fear, but apprehension, as if he was expecting the knight to turn on him any moment now.

 _What a horrible way to live_ , Rey had thought, _knowing that everybody wants to kill you._ Then, she'd thought about her friends, about Poe and Finn and Rose, and how safe they made her feel, how they looked out for her, and that made her feel guilty. Guilty that she hadn't told them were she was going, guilty that she hadn't trusted them.

Rey closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. There was no use in thinking about this anymore, tonight. She should get some sleep, they were most likely to leave tomorrow and she needed to be well rested for the confrontation that would follow back on the Resistance. But for now, she lay back onto her side, and moved closer to Ben, she tuned in to the beating of his heart and allowed herself to fall asleep to its rhythm.


	34. Part 34

**AN: oh my goodness, so we got to 100 reviews! This is so big :D thank you so much to all of you who have been reviewing constantly but also to everybody who's just dropped one here and there! I really appreciate them all and I absolutely love  reading them! I think it might be my favourite thing about writing this fanfic..so yeah, thank you xxxx**

The rain had started falling during the night in a quiet and constant rhythm; rain drops had already formed patterns on the windows.They had drifted closer in their sleep; Rey's head was tucked into Ben's chest and his arm had wrapped itself around her, pulling her closer.

Ben had woken up during the night and he'd wished for nothing more than to be able to press the pause button on the moment he'd felt her warmth against him. He'd pulled her closer to him still and then closed his eyes again; soon, the quiet tapping of the rain against the window, combined with Rey's soft breathing, made him fall asleep once again.

 **A*A*A**

The next time Ben woke up, Rey seemed to be awake as well. She looked up at him between half opened eyelids and smiled. Ben smiled back at her and laid a kiss on top of her head.

"Ben?"she said, her voice getting lost in the fabric of his shirt.

"Hmm?"

"I have to got soon."

"I know," he sighed and pulled her closer to him.

"Ben?"

"Yeah?"

"What's gonna happen when we leave?"

Ben let go of Rey then and shifted their bodies so that they were now on eye level. He traced a finger on the side of her cheek ever so lightly. "I don't know," he answered her. "What will you tell the Resistance?"

Rey swallowed, not sure whether she should tell him these words or keep them within her. "The truth," she whispered eventually.

To her surprise, Ben didn't look shocked or confused, he looked...satisfied with her answer. "That's exactly what I thought you'd say," he said and the corner of his mouth lifted into a smile.

He know her, that's what he had been happy about. Somehow, during all the time they had spent together and apart, they had _learned_ each other.

Rey shuffled closer to him. "What are you going to do?"

Ben raised on dark eyebrow. "Are you asking me to come with you?"

Rey shook her head slightly. "Not yet," she whispered as she lifted her hand to gently brush her fingers over the scar on his check. "But soon, when the time is right, yes, I will."

He leaned into her touch and closed his eyes. "I love you, Rey," he whispered agaisnt her palm.

 **A*A*A**

Rey was checking her fuel; she should have enough in order to get back to the Resistance. Alone, in her ship, Rey wondered why she hadn't said anything to Ben when he'd said he loved her earlier that morning. _Did she not know? Was she not sure?_ No, her feelings for Ben had been the only thing she had been sure of, ever since Crait, ever since leaving him had snapped her heart in two, just like their lightsaber. _Was it the timing? The place? The fight they'd just had the night before?_

As much as she didn't want to admit it, it had been him, Ben, telling her he loved her. She'd wished, perhaps she'd gone as far as hoping, that there might be a small part of him that cared for her, but she hadn't _known_ , she couldn't have been sure. So when he'd said the words, her heart had stopped and her mind had emptied. _What could she have possibly said? How could she have possibly responded to his vulnerability?_ When for her, he had always been her recklessness, her point break.

Rey heard Ben outside of the ship so she came out to say her goodbye. His ship stood tall, opposite hers, a blunt reminder of the fact that where he was going, she couldn't follow.

He followed her line of vision and understood exactly what was troubling her. "I'll see you soon, Rey!"he said, trying to get her to focus on him.

She looked at him and smiled lightly. "When?"

Ben grabbed her hand and Rey wondered if she was ever going to get used to the electricity that ran through her body every time he did that. "Soon," he said, squeezing it.

The rain hadn't stopped falling, and yet, they spent a few moments like that, holding hands, holding on to what they had had here, not yet ready to let go. In that moment, Rey realised she loved the amber flecks in his dark orbs, each a promise that he wasn't lost to the Dark Side; she realised she loved the contrast between his pale skin and black hair; she realised she loved _him_ , and realised it was too late to shout it over the pouring rain when he'd already let go of her hand and was walking towards his ship.

"Ben!" she called after him and started running.

When he turned around, she was already so close that she fell into his arms, and wrapping her hands around his neck,she crushed her lips to his. Ben responded with the same ardour, with the same need, as the rain kept pouring.

 _End of flashback_

 **AN: Yeah, Ben said I love you first! In my head, that's always how it was going to happen but I hope this came as a bit of a surprise for you guys, let me know what you think about this chapter :)**


	35. Part 35

**AN: And we are back to present time :) let's go :D**

Rey had drifted in and out of consciousness for three days. She had never been awake enough for Ben to be able to talk to her, but today, Maz had said that she might wake up fully, so Ben hadn't left her side. He was holding her hand in both of his as her eyes slowly fluttered open.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey," she replied, her voice hoarse. Rey moved her head from side to side, trying to figure out her surroundings. "Where are we?"

"Maz's. Poe brought us here."

Rey's eyes widened. "Is he alright? And Finn and Rose? The Resistance?"

Ben tried to ignore the fact that she had been so worried about Poe, that he had been the first on her mind. He pushed that thought to the back of his mind and answered her questions. "He's alright, and so are the others, the whole of the Resistance from what I know. You were hurt though, badly, we weren't sure if you were going to survive."

"He means _he_ wasn't," Poe said from the doorway. "I knew you had it in you." Rey smiled at him and he walked up to the edge of her bed. "Heard you were awake and I wanted to know how you were feeling."

"Like a ship's just collapsed on me," Rey chuckled lightly.

"Eh, more or less what happened," Poe grinned. "I'm glad you're alright. Our friend here," he said, nodding towards Ben who had grown very quiet, "was worried you weren't going to make it."

Rey smiled warmly at her friend, she understood what he had tried to say, that even though he didn't trust Kylo Ren, he understood why _she_ trusted him, that now, even though he still doubted him, he didn't doubt the feelings he held for her.

Poe nodded. "I'm going to prepare the Falcon. We're flying back today," he said then left them.

Rey returned her gaze to Ben. "What are you wearing?"

"Poe lent me some 'normal' clothes," he explained, rolling his eyes. "He thought it might make me more friendly looking back on the Resistance."

She smiled at him, ten times brighter than she had smiled at Poe. "White suits you," she said, her eyes wondering to Ben's shirt that lay open high on his chest. It was a strange sight, Poe's shirt on Ben's body, yet she couldn't help but think that it fitted him perfectly, like a glove; perhaps because he reminded her of Han in it.

"I guess it does," came Ben's reply.

 **A*A*A**

Rey was asleep somewhere in the back of the Falcon so that she couldn't be woken up by the loud noises. Poe had set the ship on autopilot and wondered to the sofa where Kylo Ren was, looking more tortured than ever.

Poe sighed and sat down next to him. Kylo Ren looked up at him expectant. The man could be demanding even without opening his mouth. Poe gave in and spoke first. "She looks better."

Kylo narrowed his eyes at him. "She is hurt and weak."

"But she is alive," Poe pointed out. Kylo Ren's shoulders relaxed and Poe took that as an agreement. "You ready to meet the Resistance?"

Kylo Ren let out a low, dark chuckle. "You think this is a good idea?"

Poe pursed his lips. "I think she thinks it's a good idea."

"Really?" Kylo questioned.

"Well," Poe said, crossing his arms above his chest, "I think she _wants_ it to be. And I know that she believes that this is where you belong."

Ren studied the other man's features. "Did she tell you that?"

"In painful detail." Poe smiled at him as if he'd just tasted the sourest fruit in the galaxy. But Kylo Ren looked taken aback. _Had Kylo not know how she felt for him? Or had Kylo thought that Rey wouldn't share such things with him when his feelings for her had been so obvious?_

"You're in love with her," Kylo Ren said being able to see through Poe without even trying to read his thoughts; without having to.

Poe looked away and sighed. "And she is in love with you," he said before he got up and headed back to the cockpit.

That was true, she had just told him she loved him, when they had been in her cell. Ever since the day he had told her he loved her, Ben had been plagued by one question: _Did she love him back?_ He hadn't been bothered by the fact that she hadn't said it then and there, right after he had done it, he figured she might need time. But then days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months and Ben wondered if she was ever going to say it. He wondered if she wanted to say, wondered if maybe she felt like she _couldn't_ ; she couldn't admit to loving a monster.

But then Poe had just said it now, as if he had known for a while, so then, perhaps Rey had known for a while, perhaps it had never really been the right time for her to say it. Ben thought about all the time that has passed since their shared time on Leda and he realised that there had never really been time for them to talk, everything had happened so fast.

He leaned his head back against the cushion and tried to get some rest before they reached the Resistance and a whole new other part of their lives would implode.

 **A*A*A**

Finn helped Poe carry the supplies Maz had given them to care for Rey. Ben was just a few feet in front of them, carrying Rey in his arms.

Finn slowed down dramatically and Poe stopped to look at his friend. "So, can we trust him?" Finn asked nodding his head towards Kylo.

"While we were with Maz, I shared a lot of information that could have put you in danger, should it have reached whatever is left of the First Order. He never even paid attention." Poe explained, not sure if he was defending the man or just stating the facts. "He never left her side," he then added, bitterly.

Finn's eyes softened. He had known about Poe's feelings for Rey ever since the beginning, and he had hoped that the two of them, his best friends, might end up having what he had with Rose. It made him sad that they wouldn't, ever, because Rey had chosen Kylo. "Are you saying we should trust him, then?" Finn asked.

Poe shook his head lightly, then started walking again in the direction Kylo was headed. "I'm saying that the bastard might actually have a heart," he said as his eyes locked on Rey's face.


	36. Part 36

Rey had barely moved for the last couple of days, it had been too painful. Even now, walking to the bathroom had exhausted her, but she washed her face and tried as best she could to prepare for the day to come. She had finally recovered enough to appear before the Resistance and explain why Kylo Ren was there. She doubted that if she wouldn't have taken those painkillers last night, she would have been able to sleep; she would have stayed awake trying to figure out a way to explain the Force bond to her friends. There was so much pressure on her to get this right, Ben's life could actually depend on it. She took a deep breath, and when she looked back into the mirror at her own reflection, she remembered the last time she had found herself in a similar situation.

 _Flashback (1 year ago)_

For _the past 2 weeks, Rey had avoided Poe, Rose and Finn, not only because she didn't want to tell them what had happened on Leda, but because she was still figuring it out herself. But she knew that sooner or later, she would have to tell them the truth; which she had just done._

 _"You went alone on a planet with that psychopath and you didn't think you should tell us?" Finn chastised her._

 _Rey rolled her eyes at his exaggeration. "He is not a psychopath and he wouldn't have hurt me," she reassured them. "Besides," she added, "I would have been more than capable of handling him myself."_

 _"It was still stupid." Poe's voice was deadly serious. "You are the leader of the Resistance, you shouldn't be acting so recklessly!"_

 _Rey huffed. "I didn't ask for this."_

 _Poe looked at her, hurt but silent._

 _"Why did you do it, Rey?" Rose asked in a more gentle voice._

 _"Because he asked me to." Rey felt silly, admitting this to her friends, and_ _so she couldn't look them in the eye._

 _"What?" Finn asked more confused than ever but when he looked at the other two, he realised that Poe and Rose understood something that he hadn't._

 _"Have you disclosed any information about the Resistance?" Poe demanded. Rey looked at him, confused and outraged, but his stare was as cold as ice._

 _She looked away from him. "No."_

 _"Did he make you?" He carried on._

 _"No," Rey replied through clenched teeth, "he didn't ask me for anything."_

 _"So this does not pose any threat to us whatsoever?"he kept prying not sounding like he believed her._

 _"Of course not! I wouldn't, you know I wouldn't..." she trailed off when the look in Poe's eyes told her that no, he didn't know anymore, he didn't really trust her._

 _"I think it would be best if we left," Rose said, as she read the situation in front of her._

 _Her and Finn were making their way to the door when Poe called, "I'm coming as well."_

 _"Poe, please," Rey said trying to take a hold of his hand._

 _He moved his hand out of her grip and shook his head. "No, Rey! You can ask me to accept, but you can't ask me to stay here and try to understand the reasons why you chose to do_ _what you did. I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm not that man." He left before she could say anything else._

 _Rey felt the tear trickle down her cheek, then drop from her chin on to the floor. She collapsed in one of the nearby chairs. She knew it wasn't going to be easy, she just hadn't expected it to be so hard, hadn't expected Poe to be so hurt. She knew about his feelings, she had known all along, he had never hidden them from her, but she never thought she had given him any indications that she might feel the same. She never did, her heart had been helplessly set on Ben; but perhaps, when Ben had been gone, maybe she had leaned on Poe more then she should have. She cursed herself for not thinking more about Poe's feeling, for doing this in front of Finn and Rose. She should have taken him to the side, explain it to him first, make him understand and apologise. She should have been that friend, but she'd failed miserably._

 _Rey felt her breathing slow down as a thought she'd once had, came back to haunt her. What if Ben was having more of an effect on her than she on him? What if he was making her...dark?_

 _End of flashback_

Rey shivered when she remembered the last thought she'd had that day. And then she remembered something else Poe had said to her, _Loving him doesn't make him safe, it just makes you dangerous. Was that right? Did she pose a threat to the life of her friends simply because of what she felt for him. Light and Dark. Who was leaving which?_

Rey pushed herself up from the sink and went back into her room, only to find Ben sitting on her bed. She was startled. It was strange seeing him in her room, all flesh and bone and real.

"You know I can hear your thoughts, right?" Ben said glancing at her before he faced forwards again. "It's the Force, it connects me to your mind whenever we're close to each other."

Rey didn't know why, but she fel annoyed all of a sudden. "You know you can stop it."

He turned to look at her. "That's not the point!"

"Then what is your point?"she asked crossing her hands over her chest.

Ben looked hurt. "You should have talked to me about it."

Rey looked away. "What should I have said? That I am afraid of the darkness inside of me?" She abruptly returned her gaze to him. "That I am afraid that somehow _you_ activate this darkness within me?" She felt awful for just thinking that, let alone saying it out loud.

Ben got up from the bed and crossed the space between them. "Yes," he whispered, laying a hand on her face, "any of that, all of that!"Rey tried to look away but he moved her face towards him again. "Rey, I've spent half of my life being afraid of the darkness in me and the other half letting it rule me. I _know_ how you feel."

Rey let her head fall against his chest. He kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry," she whispered against the material of his shirt. "It's the traial, I don't want to have to choose between you and my friends."

Ben sighed. There was no way in which he could make that easier for her, so he just said, "We should go."

As they were walking out the room, Rey thought: _It would be you Ben, I would choose you_ ; and he squeezed her hand in return.


	37. Part 37

All the Resistance leaders had gathered to hear the trial of Kylo Ren/ Ben Solo; together, they would judge him for his crimes and decide his faith. They hadn't advertise it like that though, to Rey, they had simply told they wanted an account of Ben's action, an evidence of his loyalty to their cause; but Poe had found out the truth and had told Ben about it. Rey was surprised that he hadn't waited to tell her and that he had trusted Ben enough to tell him something like this; she truly loved Poe, but like a brother, which was not something he wished. But Rey shook that thought off, now was not the time. She watched closely as Ben stepped on to the small, round podium into the centre of the room. She remembered his mother standing there and giving the orders that would save their lives, and she smiled at him.

"Before we begin," a female general, one that looked old and hardened by the years of war, spoke, "do you have a preferred name?"

"Kylo Ren would do," Ben glanced at her briefly, his jaw clenched.

Rey bit her lip. _Why had he said that? Why use that name?_

"Very well," the woman carried on, "Kylo Ren, you are here today to face the crimes you have committed in the galaxy," she announced the room.

Ben stayed silent.

"You have been accused of numerous crimes, during the time you have been an apprentice of Snoke and later in your governing of the First Order. However, this council also acknowledges that you have killed Snoke and that you have given up your role of Supreme Leader in order to help the Resistance in defeating the First Order once and for all." The woman expected Ben to do something, react a certain way; when he didn't, she carried on. "We will now read the main charge pressed against you, the murder of Han Solo."

Ben hadn't thought it was important to speak, the people of the Resistance would have want to punish him regardless of what he said. They didn't want closure, they wanted revenge; and their forgiveness wasn't something he knew how to deal with anyway, whilst he was familiar with being hated. But then they had said the name of his father and the floor fell from underneath him, casting him into the deep recesses of memory.

 _Flashback (2 years ago)_

 _Ben had tried to block this particular set of memories for what seemed like years. He had focused on anything else but it. He had dealt with his mother, with his uncle, with Snoke, but he had avoided his father at all costs._

 _Because he had murdered him._

 _Because for the first time after he had done it, he didn't feel torn; he felt guilty._

 _Ben had tried to prepare himself for the avalanche of memories and for the way this would drain him of strength, but nothing could have prepared him for what happened next in his training room. He'd fallen to the ground, the side of his face hitting the marble floor, as the walls around him morphed into the most important memories he had of his father. First, when Han had given him the Flacon miniature, then when he had taken him on his first flight, after that, when he had taught him how to shoot a blaster. The next memory had been after a while, when Ben had already become a young man, that was the next, most important memory; the time in between these memories hadn't been covered, because Han hadn't been present for much of his young life.In this memory, he was showing his father what he could do with the Force, but that had scared Han, making him leave again; in the next one, they were having an argument in the Jedi temple and Ben walked away from him furious; in the last one, Ben was killing his father._

 _Ben gasped for air and sat up. His head was pounding and his lungs were struggling to fill with air. He felt the pain being birthed on the inside of him, something he'd kept hidden, something that kept growing, and he let the bitter tears fall from his eyes and onto the shiny floor._

 _He had killed his father. How would he ever move on?_

 _End of flashback._

In that moment, when the judge had read his crime, he had felt that for the first time, he had been rightly judged as a monster. He could feel Rey's reaction through the Force, the pain in her heart, how she still missed Han. He wondered if he was allowed to miss him too, when he had been the one to take his life away.

"Do you plead guilty to this crime, Kylo Ren?"

Ben nodded.

"Very well, we shall move on to your uncle, Master Luke Skywalker. You have been accused of destroying the last Jedi temple, of killing padawans and attempting to murder your uncle, is that right?"

Ben nodded.

"How do you plead?"she inquired.

"Guilty."

It was the truth, nobody had been surprised, yet, it had taken Ben months to reach that conclusion.

 _Flashback (2 1/2 years ago)_

 _Ben had revisited that night many a times whilst Rey had been on the island with Luke, but tonight, he was seeing it all with new eyes, with compassion for his uncle._

 _He had seen the fear in Luke's eyes and recognised it as if it had been his own, because in a way, it was. The fear of the darkness in him, that he could read on everybody's face, was the same he could see when he looked in the mirror. Yet, he had been forced to live with it, when his uncle had wanted to take his life._

 _He went back to that night in his memory and he saw it through different eyes. He saw the fear he had caused, the pain and suffering of his uncle, the cries for help of his fellow Jedi apprentices, the ones whose lives he had taken. He knelt down besides R2, just as his uncle had done, and watched the temple burn to ashes, and he didn't see his actions as righteousness anymore, he saw them for what they were, chaos and destruction._

 _End of flashback_

The woman nodded. "A list of the crimes of the First Order will now be read out to you, to which you can plead partially, fully or not at all guilty." When Ben simply nodded, she motioned to the reader to go ahead.

Rey closed her eyes briefly, her anxiety had made it harder to breath which in turn had made her side ache. She had known all of Ben's crimes, knew that he would be accused of all of them and yet, something in her heart broke each time they read a new line and she could see the resignation on Ben's face. _Why was he so quiet?_ It was true that there was nothing that he could have said yet to defend himself, but he looked like a lamb, too ready to be slaughtered. _Why wasn't he fighting this?_

"...attacking and torturing Rey..."

Rey's ears had picked up on that and her eyes immediately flew to Ben. His were already on her. She was thinking about how it was all in the past, how it didn't matter now, but she felt like her thoughts couldn't penetrate his mind. He only gave her a sad smile, before he looked away.

"Well, now, Kylo Ren, how is it that you plead to these accusations?"

Ben glanced at her for the shortest of moments before he spoke. "Fully guilty."


	38. Part 38

**AN: ok, first off, thank you for all the faves and follows and reviews :) not had that much time to write any AN's just cause I was focusing on updates!! But I do appreciate all of you guys! Shout out to Leona2016 and Lais89 for always being there with a cool reviews! You guys are awesome xx**

 **So there was a lot of drama with Ben in the other chapter...so really hope you guys enjoy this chapter :D**

"What was all that?" Rey barged through the cell door. It was ironic, how they had swapped places, when only days ago she'd been in a cell on his ship.

Ben slowly turned around to look at her, a questioning look on his face.

Rey came closer to him. "Why are you keeping quiet?"

"What would you have liked me to say?" he retorted calmly.

She scoffed. "Anything, Ben!"

"It was all true," he shrugged, "all their accusations were valid."

Rey looked away. "I know that." Her voice had quieted down and when she looked back at him, she seemed calmer. "Why did you go for Kylo?"

Ben let out a humourless laugh. "It doesn't matter, Rey. What these people want is a scapegoat, they want revenge, my name didn't matter at all."

"It would have mattered," she countered.

"Why? Because it reminds them of the man I killed?" He had leaned in towards her a bit aggressively.

She just stared into his eyes, not pulling back. "Why do you always insist on reminding me of that?"

"Because it's the truth, Rey! Because it is what I've done!"he bit back.She flinched when he said that, causing him to pull back.

"That doesn't mean," she said through gritted teeth, "that you need to keep reminding me of it."

"Perhaps it does because you can't seem to be able no to flinch whenever we talk about it!"he accused.

"Because it's never going to be easy, Ben!"she accused.

"You said you have forgiven me!"

"Yes, I have, but that doesn't mean I am ok with what happened, it doesn't mean I understand it any better!" Her voice had died down by the last word and her face had contorted with pain as she grabbed her side and winced.

Ben took a step closer. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she dismissed him, grunting. She waited for a minute to gather her strength before she exhaled loudly and looked at him. "The fact that I forgive you, doesn't change the past." Any remnant of anger was gone, her voice was kind and gentle. "But it _does_ change everything else, Ben." She took a step closer and reached out for his hand. She was surprised to touch cold metal. She looked down at his hand-cuffed hands. "They restrained you?"

Ben shrugged. "It makes them feel safer."

"Why are you not fighting this?"she asked looking back up at him.

"Because they are your friends, Rey," he said, his voice gentler as well. "And you don't want to choose and I don't want to make you."

Rey sighed. She was about to say something when Poe shouted from the other side. "Ready to wrap it up in there?"

On the other side of the door, Poe had sent the other two guards away whilst he had been standing watch, in order to give Rey and Ben some intimacy. Poe wasn't really sure when he had jumped on board with the two of them, but now that he was on it, he would do whatever he had to.

He'd seen one of the generals walking towards him when he'd called out to Ben and Rey.

"Now, what exactly is going on here?" The general stopped a few feet in front of him, her four guards standing tall behind her. She was younger than the other generals, and she looked almost royal, dressed in a satin blue dress and with her golden hair falling down her shoulders. She seemed surprisingly demanding for how beautiful and precious she looked.

"I'm just guarding the prisoner," Poe said with a sly, innocent smile.

She offered him a fake smile before she furrowed her eyebrows at him. "General Dameron, I doubt very much that you were sent to guard the prisoner."

"And why is that?" Poe asked still smiling politely at her.

"Because I know that two of _my_ guards were sent to do this particular job and at the moment, we are unable to locate them." She smiled and asked, just as innocently as he had done, "You wouldn't happen to know what happened to them, would you?"

Poe clenched his jaw. "I'm afraid not. But if that was all-"

"Actually," she interrupted him, "there is something else, I want to see the prisoner!"

"He will be back in the trial room in just a few minutes. You can see him them."

The woman chuckled lightly but her green eyes narrowed on him. "You wouldn't be staying guard whilst he escapes, would you?"

"No." Poe's answer was short and blunt, he had tired of this woman.

"No," she mused, "you wouldn't. But, you would stay guard so that Rey would have time to speak to him, wouldn't you?"

Poe's eyes widened. _How did she know? Who was this woman?_

"General Dameron," she spoke again, her voice like silk, "I want to see this prisoner and I want to see him now." She took a step closer, "and if you don't move," and another step, until she was so close to him she could whisper, "I'm afraid I will have to go through you."

Poe leaned in as well. "I would like to see you try."

"I don't think any of that will be necessary," Rey said as she stepped out of the cell with Ben following behind her. She than handed the broken handcuffs to one of the guards and said, "These won't be necessary anymore," in the coolest tone she could muster. Rey didn't usually use her "leader voice", but when she did, people rarely questioned her; these guards were no exception. She actually remembered that it had been Ben who'd pushed her to be more confident as a leader.

 _Flashback( 5 months after their meeting on Leda)_

 _Rey sat down on her bed with a heavy sigh._

 _"Long day?" Ben asked without looking from the papers in his hand._

 _Their Force bond had become something so natural, so normal, that it didn't surprise them anymore. But maybe their comfortability with one another had come from the intimacy they had shared on Leda as well._

 _"Your mother has left behind really big shoes to fill," she complained._

 _He looked up from his papers. "So, general Rey?" he teased._

 _Rey rolled her eyes. "No, that's Poe. I'm more of his co-general."_

 _Ben raised a questioning dark eyebrow._

 _Rey shrugged. "I'm the one that knows stuff about the Force and does the heavy lifting, rocks and things."_

 _Ben chuckled and set his papers aside. He got up from his desk and poured himself a glass of something, a darkly coloured beverage. "What's the problem?"he asked as he leaned back against the drinks cabinet._

 _Rey thought he looked distractingly handsome tonight, so unusually relaxed, almost playful. She grimaced. "I'm just not cut out for this."_

 _"To be an intergalactic hero that has managed to best the almighty Kylo Ren in a fight?"he teased, looking at her over the rim of his glass._

 _Rey huffed. "You were not a worthy opponent, Solo. If I am to be named an intergalactic hero, let it be because of putting up with our Force bond."_

 _Ben raised his glass to her. "Touché."_

 _Rey laughed and she could feel her shoulders ease and her body loosen up. "Thank you."_

 _Ben waved it off. He sat his glass down and returned to his seat. Rey was happy when he didn't come over to sit next to her; it would have been too distracting._

 _"Now," he said, "why do you think you're not good at this?"_

 _Rey looked up, trying to find the words she needed. "I just...I don't know how to lead a rebellion. I know that I want to fight for it but I don't know how to be the face of it."_

 _He smiled. "You already are. Rey, you are the image of the Resistance, and not just because you bested me in a fight. You also found Skywalker and brought him back. These people already look up to you because of who you are. You just have to assess and use that."_

 _"Like control them?"she joked because she didn't really know how to react to all the amazing things he had just said about her. Her legs felt wobbly and she was happy she wasn't standing._

 _Ben smirked. "Only when they don't obey you," he laughed, but then added, "you just have to guide them Rey, use your leader voice."_

 _"My leader voice?"_

 _"Your leader voice."_

 _Rey laughed, but then her laugh faded into a smile and she just stared at him. All charming and handsome and kind; so very kind to her._

 _End of flashback._

 **AN: The much needed fluff after the drama! Also yes, felt too bad for Poe so he is getting a love-hate story too hihi hope you like it xxx**


	39. Part 39

**_Disclaimer: I don't know if the "Force" can do what I made it do in this story, but, for the purpose of this narrative, it does ;)_**

 **AN: Thank you for following this story guys! I think the flashback you're about to read might be my favourite one yet, so let me know if you like it too xx**

 _Flashback (3 months after Leda)_

 _Ben wiped the back of his head with a towel. He had just showered, his hair was still wet and he wasn't wearing anything but black trousers. As he rounded the corner from his bathroom, he was surprised to see Rey sat on his bed._

 _"I didn't know you were coming," he said,_ _but smiled at her. He stopped a few feet away._

 _Rey swallowed hard. She had willed this Force bond so forcefully, she was surprised he hadn't felt her. "I thought you always knew."_

 _"Sometimes the pull is not as strong," he said, and tossed the towel to the side._

 _His movements had caused her eyes to drift to his naked torso. It had been a while since she'd seen him like this, he seemed so...strong. His body was blunt and powerful, his pale skin falling in contrast with his hair, that wet, seemed even darker. She shouldn't have done this now, Ben's wet hair was oddly unnerving._

 _"So?" His voice brought her eyes back to his face. But then her eyes fell on the scar she had given him years ago, and she traced it with her gaze all the way down to his chest again. "Rey?"he asked, slightly amused._

 _As if snapped out of a trance, Rey looked up at him. "I..." she seemed very unsure of what she wanted to say. Ben took a step towards her but stopped when she abruptly got up to her feet. "I think that I..." She got distracted again by the shape of his jawline and the way his hair grazed it. She wanted to touch his hair, lay her hand on his jawline. When she looked back up at him, he looked expectant, and slightly confused. She chuckled. "I love you, Ben Solo," she finally said it._

 _Ben's heart might have stopped beating for a few moments; he wasn't sure, but that's what it had felt like. He'd given up on waiting for her to say it, decided to giver her as much time as she needed. But then here she was, right now, in his room, telling him she loved him and crossing the space between them._

 _Rey reached out her hands and they got lost in his wet locks. One of Ben's hands had wound itself around Rey's back, pulling her body closer to his; his other hand was gently grazing her jaw. Rey pressed her forehead against his and was leaning in for a kiss, but Ben ran his thumb over her lip._

 _"It won't feel the same," he whispered, his eyes closed, his hand locked on her jawline, his finger slowly caressing her parted lips._

 _"I don't care," Rey whispered back against his thumb. "I don't want to wait anymore."_

 _Ben moved his thumb from her lips and placed it underneath her chin, gently bringing their lips together. It didn't feel the same, the touch was fainter, the taste of her mouth less real, but it was just as intense, if not more. When their lips touched and parted, the Force around them seemed to engage in the same dance of give and take, push and pull, divinely vibrating around them. He could feel the tingles to the tips of his fingers. He pulled away to look at Rey. She looked just as amazed and fascinated as he felt._

 _He was about to say something when she brought him in for another kiss, her hands gently pushing against the back of his neck. Ben's hand had wondered to her hair, getting lost in its smoothness. Rey's hand was pressing against his neck, whilst the other had found its way to the front of his chest. She traced the scarred tissue there, with her fingers. When she pulled away from Ben's lips, she kissed the scar on his cheek._

 _"I don't know if I've ever said I'm sorry," she said, her voice slightly breathless._

 _"You don't have to," he answered, his own voice just as breathless._

 _She looked up at him and pulled his head down so that he would look at her. "But I want to," she said, her hand caressing his cheek. "I'm sorry, Ben."_

 _He leaned into her touch and kissed the inside of her palm. "I love you, Rey."_

 _End of flashback._

Rey stepped onto the platform; every single pair of eyes in the room was fixed on her. She tried not to notice, she tried to calm herself, find balance within the Force. But she couldn't do it on her own, she reached out to him and his force met her immediately. She gave him a small smile. That was good, focusing on him kept her balanced; she would just do that.

"Rey," the old general addressed her, "are you ready?"

Rey nodded. She squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her jaw, channeling the Force. She tightened her fists with such force that her knuckles turned white. She felt the Force move around her, heard its vibrations, sensed its tension.She opened her eyes. _Had it worked? Could they see?_

 _"What is it?"_

Rey heard her own voice coming from outside of herself. She looked behind her; there she was, a version of herself, talking to Ben through the Force bond, _in her memories_. She had succeeded. She had cast her memories out for them all to see the truth about Ben.

 _"Your call seemed urgent,"_ Rey from the memory said.

 _Ben was looking at an ever changing panel, his back turned to her._

 _"They're getting closer," he said, "you have to leave the planet."_

 _"Can you not stop them?"_

 _He turned around to look at her._

 _"You know I can't."_

 _"You could stop them and join us!"she argued._

 _"And then what? Hux would end me and you and the Resistance."_

The memory vanished, but Rey hoped that they could see what _she_ had seen in Ben that day: conflict. A longing in his heart to do the right thing. It just hadn't been the right time.

Another memory started forming itself. Ben was handing her some papers.

" _What are these?"she asked confused._

 _"Coordinates," he replied._

 _She took the papers from his hands._

 _"What are they for?"_

 _"A small First Order fleet is going to purchase and retrieve some weapons. The Resistance should be able to fight them even with their limited resources. If you manage to interfere with this transport, you will be able to delay us for a couple of months." Ben explained._

 _"I don't like those words,"she said looking away from his eyes. "You and us, it just makes us seem so...different."_

 _"We belong to enemy camps, Rey!"_

 _"No, we don't," she argued back, "they do..."_

 _"Rey," he said gently and took a step towards her._

Rey stopped the memory before they could see anything esle. The last memory she cast out for them, was the one right after he had shown her Dai Ren's vision.

 _"Rey this is a good plan!" he said emphatically._

 _"No, I know, I..."she trailed off, lost somewhere between shock and amazement._

 _Ben chuckled slightly. "Then what is it?"_

 _Rey's eyes glistened with tears. "You're saving them. The Resistance, this plan is designed to save them, even at the expanse of our lives."_

 _Ben looked away. "I thought that's what you wanted..."_

 _"Oh, Ben!" She took a few steps towards him. "This is so much more than what I wanted. I just...are you sure you want to do this?"_

 _"Of course. For you..."_

 _"You're saving them," she whispered, still in shock._

 _"For you..."he said again._

 _She smiled at him. "I don't think it's only that."_

Rey closed off the memory before everybody could watch the conversation that ensued from there. She felt weak, weaker then she'd felt in days, this was exhausting her, but she had to tell them one last thing.

"You see, I was afarid that Ben would save the Resistance _for_ me, but he didn't, he chose to save them even at the expanse of our own lives, becaus that's what he wanted to do, that's what he chose to do. You are all here, right now, because of him." She had looked at each one of them in part, as she spoke, but the pain was too much now, she closed her eyes and bent over.

In that exact moment, Ben's eyes flew to Poe and something passed between the two of them, an understanding. Poe got up and went to Rey's side, taking her away from the room before she could hear their verdict.

 **AN: you will have the verdict in the next chapter, and also some more Poe and young general lady interaction haha xxx**


	40. Part 40

**AN: Thank you for the positive reviews Amathyst Star and lais89! :D so glad you liked it, this chapter is a hit more relaxed than the other so hope you enjoy :)**

"What is going on here?" General Amala asked.

Poe groaned. It was the young, and beautiful (not that he had noticed), general from earlier. Poe tried to put on his best behaviour as he turned from Ben to her. "He would like to see Rey."

General Amala gave Ben a quick glance: he was still handcuffed and almost snarling at her guards. She returned her gaze to General Dameron. "That is not the protocol for prisoners."

"He is not a prisoner anymore," Poe interrupted, "he's just been cleared."

"He would still need to adhere to the rules as-"

The general was cut off by the sound of metal bending then breaking; Ben's handcuffs were now lying on the ground.

"Look," Poe turned to her again, "I suggest you order your guards to let him pass, before he goes through them."

Amala clenched her jaw but waved at her soldiers to move out of the way. They did and Ben barged through the doors. "So, how did you end up being friends with him?"she questioned Poe rhetorically.

Poe snorted, then contained himself. "We're not friends," he clarified for her.

Amala narrowed her eyes on Poe. "Yeah, I'd guess so, since you are both evidently in love with the same woman," she said and left before Poe could say anything else.

 **A*A*A**

Inside the infirmary, Rey had been sleeping for the last 12 hours; not unconscious, just resting, she needed the rest. Ben had been by her side ever since he had managed to barge through the doors.

He'd spent way too much time at her bedside lately. She hadn't even fully recovered after Dai Ren had hurt her and now she had just put herself through the most exhausting and draining exercise, all to save him; it was _all_ because of him. _If he hadn't turned away from her on that ship, maybe he would have been able to stop Dai's attack. If he hadn't argued with her just before she had gone up, causing her to be unbalanced, maybe this wouldn't have exhausted her. If he hadn't done so many crimes. If he hadn't left the Light in the first place. If he hadn't been who he was. If, if, if..._

"Hey," Rey said hoarsely. He looked up at her. "You look troubled. What happened?"

He sighed. "You collapsed again and I..."

Rey interrupted him. "No, Ben, I mean with the trial. What was their verdict?"

Ben smiled at her. Even on a hospital bed, she was still worried about him. He grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips; gently, he kissed her knuckles. "You saved me...again," he whispered against her skin, "You always save me."

Rey let out a sigh of relief. "I just showed them who you really are."

"Who I really am..."Ben repeated.

"You are a son of the Light, Ben." He looked away when she said that, but she squeezed his hand so that he would look at her. "Ben, I know your grandfather's blood run through your veins, but so does your mother's and so does your father's, your power is not greater than your heart."

When Ben looked at her, she saw something in his eyes,but no acceptance,not yet. What she did see, was a change; it was funny how his eyes seemed to change before his mind did. She love his eyes.

"You should get some more rest," he said as he got up and laid a kiss on her forehead. "I'll be waiting for you."

 **A*A*A**

"So who is that?" Poe asked, making Finn and Rose stare oddly at him. "What?"

They were all having their lunch in the canteen, when Poe saw the young general walk into the room and asked his friends about her.

"Where have you been all this time?" Finn asked incredulously.

"Well I've been trying to lead and save the Resistance!" Poe pointed out.

"And pining over Rey," Finn said with a fake cough. Poe narrowed his eyes at him.

"Alright," Rose intervened, "I don't know what that was," she motioned between the two of them, "but that, is general Amala."

Amala, her name was familiar, Poe'd heard it somewhere. His eyes widened. "Is that princess Amala?"he asked Rose; she nodded. "But how come is she a general? What about her father?"

Rose's face turned sad. "Her family died, along with most of her planet, leaving her in charge of the few that survived."

Poe looked over at her, Amala, sat down with her guards and what he assumed to be her people, instead of joining the other generals; much like he was doing. "The First Order destroyed her planet and killed her family?" Poe asked but it wasn't really a question because he knew the answer even before Ross confirmed it.

"Why the sudden interest?" Finn asked, following his friend's line of vision and looking at Amala as well.

When Poe realised he had been staring at her, he looked away. "She seemed bent on getting revenge on Kylo-Ben," he corrected himself, "so we had some disagreements."

 **A*A*A**

"General Amala!" Poe called after the woman in the now empty corridor.

She stopped and turned around to look at him. "General Dameron?"she questioned.

Poe stopped a few feet away. The green of her eyes was a different colour to Rey's, but they were just as beautiful. Poe looked away from them. "I would like to offer you my apologies."

She raised her eyebrows. "Your apologies?"

Poe clenched his jaw. "Yes, I was unaware of what you've suffered at the hand of the First Order. In the light of that, what you did seems justified."

Her eyes saddened slightly when he spoke about her suffering but she quickly straightened her back and cleared her throat. "I believe I was justified either way, after all, he is our prisoner."

" _Was_ ," Poe bit out harshly, but then stopped himself, " _was_ our prisoner."

Amala studied general Dameron for a moment. Poe, as he was known amongst his friends, seemed really uncomfortable with being there and yet he was still doing it. She admired and respected that; it reminded her of her father, although the man's unruly curly hair and fiery brown eyes were so different from her father's and any other general she knew. Poe Dameron was something else.

"Nonetheless," Amala said, "thank you for your apology." She offered him a sheepish smile before she left.

 **A*A*A**

Rey had recovered well, she seemed even better than before and Ben was glad for that. Now that she was fine, it meant that they could leave the Resistance base. That's what all the generals have been awaiting as well, for her to recover, join in their counsel, so that after, they could all leave back to their home planets, now that the war was over.

Poe and Rey were just coming out of the counsel room. They had been in there for hours, and Ben had been waiting outside, along with Finn and Rose; the situation hadn't been exactly friendly, but Rose had dealt with it well.

Ben got up from his seat but waited for Poe and Rey to get to them.

"So?" Finn was the first to ask.

Poe and Rey smiled at each other. "We get to keep Leda," Poe announced. "They will, however, want to do regular checks on you," he said to Ben.

Ben looked over at Rey and said. "That's alright."

Rey smiled at him before she turned to Finn and Rose. "Also, there is another thing."

"What?" Rose asked cautiously.

"General Amala and her crew will be joining us."

"Why?" Finn asked.

"Because she had nowhere else to go and because I feel like we owe it to her. Her planet died just weeks before we put our plan into action, if we hadn't waited, maybe they would still be alive." Rey explained and they all nodded. "Good, we leave tomorrow, then."

 **AN: ok, so I have some news, in my head, this story was never going to be longer than 50 chapters (frankly, I didn't even think I would get to 50) which makes these 10 chapters to come, the last ones :) I felt like I wanted to let you guys know so the end doesn't come as a surprise, that way, we can do the countdown together! Thank you all again for all the support so far and please keep it going until we wrap up Episode 9 :) all the love xxxx**


	41. Part 41

"Are you sure you want this room?" Rey asked from where she was leaning against the door frame.

Ben was studying his parents' former room when she interrupted him. "Yeah, I think so. I'll change a few things, but I want this one," he answered without looking at her.

She came to stand besides him and casually caressed his arm. Ben's eyes flew to her hand. Was he ever going to get used to her touching him, to the electricity in the Force whenever it happened? When he looked up at her, she was already looking at him.

She giggled. "It never gets old, does it?"she asked running her fingers along the side of his arm.

Ben wanted to answer her, but no words came out, so he just shook his head whilst starring into her eyes.

"I like that," she whispered and his eyes flew to her mouth. Hers were already on his lips.

Ben reached out his hand to cup her face...

"Uh-huh." Somebody cleared their throat loudly.

Rey closed her eyes and sighed, Ben looked at the intruder. He wasn't sure he was ever going to like this Finn.

"They are waiting for you outside,"he said to Rey.

Rey looked up at Ben one last time, her eyes making him a promise, before she let go of his hand and turned to Finn. "Let's go."

 **A*A*A**

"Thank you all for joining us. Not only today, but on this planet, in this home." Rey spoke from the palace's balcony that overlooked the crowd. There were hundreds of people gathered there; not enough, but plenty to start afresh. General Amala and Poe were sat on either side of her, with Finn and Rose behind her; Ben was hiding in the shadows of the double-glass doors.

"I can't make you any promises, although I wish I could," she carried on. "We are in a time of peace, for now, but enemies can rise from the Dark Side at any time; thus, we must be prepared. It is our duty to keep you safe, it is your duty to take care of each other. My full faith and trust is put in both general Dameron and general Amala, that they will do everything in their power, not only to protect us,but also to train our young warrios. We will never be unprepared again!" Rey finished and the crowd gave a loud cheer; Ben smiled to himself. She waited for the cheering to subside before she put in, "May the Force always be with us!"

 **A*A*A**

"It looks like we'll be working together a lot."

A voice said from behind general Amala. She smiled to herself. How had she come to recognise _his_ voice so quickly? She shook herself, then turned around briskly. "So it seems," she said and raised her champagne glass to him.

They were in the banquet hall, surrounded by laughter and music and people. Her own people seemed to be enjoying it, seemed to fit in, and she was glad.

Poe followed the woman's line of vision. "They seem happy," he remarked.

"Yes," she smiled, the most genuine smile he'd seen on her face yet.

"Their happiness seems important to you," Poe observed.

Her eyes flew to his. "Of course it does! My people are my family."

Poe grinned, and when he did smile, she observed, he smiled with his eyes also; brown pools sparkling. She felt an unfamiliar warmth rush through her, for just a second, because his eyes left her then, only to settle on Rey, who was on the other side of the room. The man was clearly still in love with his friend and she didn't have the time to wander why that stung, just a little bit, just slightly.

"If you'll excuse me, general Dameron..."she started.

Poe's eyes returned to her. He seemed baffled by her sudden desire to leave but he moved out of her way nonetheless. "Of course," he mumbled as she made his way past him.

 **A*A*A**

"I liked your speech," Ben said, emerging from the shadow of the balcony.

Rey turned around to look at him. She had been looking all over for Ben. She knew he didn't like these sort of things, knew he wouldn't really be in his element, not just at the banquet, but with these people, on this planet; _perhaps even with her._

"Did you really?"she asked.

Ben chuckled. "Of course I did, Rey," he said coming into the light. "You were brilliant."

She smiled shyly and looked away. "Ben, listen, I know that this is not where you would like to be but-" Rey started but was interrupted by Ben, who had just closed the space between them and grabbed her hands with his. She took a moment to feel the electricity of their combined forces wash over her.

Ben tugged lightly on her hands so that she would look at him. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here...with _you_ ," he whispered, then pulled her into him, as his hands wrapped themselves around her body as if they had a mind of their own. Perhaps they did, not a mind; but a Force.

Rey pressed her cheek against his chest and breathed in his scent. She closed her eyes and listened to the calming rhythm of his heartbeat. Calming, finally, as if he felt comfortable, as if he felt at home. She hoped he did, because that's how she felt in his arms, at home.

 **AN: oh my days, thank you again for all the love in your reviews and thanks for all the faves and follows! Hope you liked this chapter too and see you soon with another xxx**


	42. Part 42

Rey had waited for a long time to talk to Ben. She wanted to find the right time, which hadn't been the case for the past few weeks. The whole of the planet seemed to be in a frenzy, each inhabitant trying to find their place and purpose on the planet. Rey had been going from one meeting to the other and when she wasn't busy with anything that had to do with the Resistance, Ben was nowhere to be found. She'd expected as much, after all, this had been his home, there were things he still needed to do, things that took priority in his mind and heart; things that didn't include her.

However, things had quieted down, and Rey realised how much she'd missed him, how much she'd miss their Force bond. They seemed to have spent less time together then they had when they were galaxies away; so she convinced Ben to join her for a picnic by the river.

Rey was caring blankets in her arms, when she saw the basket of food fly past her and softly land on the bank. She rolled her eyes. "Show off!"she said to Ben who'd fallen in step with her.

He only smirked at her and grabbed the blankets from her hands, carrying them the rest of the way. She'd decided a while ago that she liked playful Ben, but this was completely different, he seemed so relaxed, so carefree. He was still wearing Poe's clothes and maybe that was it, maybe that's what made him appear so unusually...happy.

 **A*A*A**

"I don't think that is the best idea," General Amala spoke up.

Poe looked at her through the virtual map of the planet. They were sat at opposite ends of the control desk, discussing what would be the best way to protect Leda. The other pilots and lieutenants had gone on their breaks or had taken on different jobs, but the two of them had stayed behind, trying to come up with a plan of protection.

"Why not?" Poe asked, genuinely curious to hear her input. Amala was good at this, she was a born leader.

"Well," she said, moving down the length of the table, "with that technology, you would have all these blind spots. Like this and this," she pointed to various spots on the map.

She had moved a lot closer to him and Poe couldn't stop but stare at her profile for a few moments. They way her hair fell down her back and onto her shoulder, the way her nose seemed to curve upwards, just a little bit; she caught him by surprise when she suddenly looked at him and Poe looked away.

"Ahh, yeah..."Poe mumbled then cleared his throat. "Yes, I see that. But what we proposed earlier would leave a massive gap right here." In order to point to the place on the map left unprotected, Poe had moved right next to Amala; he was towering over her a few inches so she had to tilt her head upwards to look at him. Her eyes were a striking emerald green and Poe found he didn't want to say anything else to her, not in that moment at least.

Her eyes narrowed on him. "Then we need a better solution!"she pointed out and left his proximity.

Poe sighed. "What do you propose?"he asked, she'd already marched again to the other side of the table, putting as much distance between them as possible.

Amala sighed as well and pressed a button on the desk causing the virtual map to vanish. "I propose we take a break, General Dameron. We won't come up with better ideas if we are exhausted." Poe nodded. "Perfect. I'll meet you back here in a couple of hours. Perhaps I'll bring some of my trusted pilots. More minds are better than two."

Poe only nodded again as she left the room. He didn't fully understand what had transpired between them, but knew that whatever it was, it had made her unwilling to be alone with him again.

 **A*A*A**

"What's on your mind?" Ben asked Rey. He was lying on his side, his head propped up on his hand.

Rey was sat on the other side of the blanket, her legs pulled to her chest and resting her head on them, watching the river. They had finished eating a while ago. Rey turned her head sideways, still resting it on her knees, and answered him, "A few things."Ben raised his eyebrows in question. "Don't you know anyways?"

"Yes," he said, gently shoving her leg with his free hand, "but I want you to tell me. Ask me, Rey!"

She sighed. "What do you think? About this? And the Resistance? And the way we sorted everything out?"

A smile crept on Ben's face when she kept adding questions; Rey caught herself and stopped. She just looked expectantly at him.

"Well," Ben said, "to answer your first question, I think this picnic was a lovely idea." Rey rolled her eyes at him and he laughed. "I also think coming back to Leda was a good idea, Rey! You built something here when my mother was alive, it seems natural for you to come back to it. And everybody seems to be settling in just fine, everybody seems to have found their purpose. And these people, they are not only devoted to the Resistance, they are devoted to you." Rey smiled widely at him. Whilst he talked, Ben had pulled himself up so that he would be on eye level with her. He brushed a strand of hair behind Rey's ear that came right back out. He grinned, even her hair was rebellious.

Ben let go of her hair and turned towards the river. He followed the constant flow of water with his eyes. "I don't think the way the Resistance is governing the galaxy is the right way," he finally said. Rey kept quiet, allowing him to speak his mind. "I think that everybody running back to their planets creates a subtle division and when people are alone, it is easy for them to become selfish. I also think you should never underestimate the Dark Side, any of the generals can be corrupted in an instant." He looked at Rey then and she was already looking at him. She didn't seem scared or repulsed by his answer, just genuinely interested, so he carried on. "I also don't believe that one governing power would be better. It would too easily become tyrannical. And whilst we know that both the Jedi and the Sith Order have failed us, we need masters of the Force. The Light Side can't just let their most powerful Force users go unnoticed in the deserts of Jakku."

Rey sighed. Jakku was something she hadn't thought about in a while. "I think you're right," she said, watching the streaming water also. "I think what we managed here is temporary at best. We need a more permanent solution. Now that the First Order is down, there is an undeniable power vacuum in the galaxy, one that many would want to fill. We need an alliance. But how can we ensure that that won't be corrupted? How can I be sure, that even _I_ won't use the Force to make others obey me!?"

Ben looked at her surprised. _Was she really afraid of what she was capable of doing?_ Rey felt his eyes on her and met his gaze with hers.

"There is a darkness in me, Ben," she confessed, her voice slightly strangled. "I've seen it. Just as clearly as I've seen the light in you, I have seen my darkness."

Ben furrowed his eyebrows. "Rey..."he started.

"How can I be sure I won't be corrupted?"she asked him, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. "How can I not live in fear of this power I have? How can I be sure that I won't turn when I almost took your hand all those years ago?"

Ben cupped her face with his hands and looked into her eyes. "You didn't, Rey! I took yours! You won't get lost to the darkness," he said, pulling closer so that their foreheads touched, "I won't allow it."


	43. Part 43

**AN: thank you guys for all the lovely reviews and for all the new faves and follows! Gosh we are on 43 already! Only 7 more to go xxx**

Poe groaned. "That," he said, leaning his head back, "has to be the longest meeting we've had yet."

Rey laughed. She'd gotten up from her chair to see the members of the council out, but she sat back down now. "It probably is. How long have we been in here for?"

"Too long!" Poe joked. "So," he said, half spinning in his chair, "what do you think about their proposition?"

Rey sighed. "I think that they are entitled to fear him, given the circumstances, but, I refuse to let them keep Ben on a leash!"she said indignant.

Poe stopped spinning and looked at her. "I agree. A full pardon is a full pardon. He is now considered innocent until proven otherwise. He should be treated accordingly."

Rey was taken aback by the man's full support in the matter. She knew that he had fought for Ben before, but never to such lengths. "Thank you, Poe," she said wholeheartedly.

Poe grinned at her, his brown eyes sparkling. "So, what's it going to be? Interview every few months or supervision?"

Rey shrugged. "I will probably ask Ben what he prefers," she said and Poe nodded.

An unusual and heavy silence settled between them. There were so many things Rey felt she wanted to say, needed to say, but she didn't know where to begin, so she only called his name out softly. "Poe?"

His eyes flew to her, full of kindness and love. "Yes?"

Rey opened her mouth a few times and then closed it again; finding the right words was harder then she thought. "About Ben and...everything. I just want you to know that I..."

Poe gave her a sad smile as he raised his hand to stop her. "Let me stop you there, Rey. It's you and Ben, it was _always_ going to be you and him; and I'm just something that happened along the way."

"You are more than that!"she put in vehemently.

His smile widened. "What I am trying to say, is that you and I were never really supposed to happen. And even though that doesn't take away my love for you, or make it easier in any way, it makes it acceptable. And if I can accept it, then I can move on." Poe covered Rey's hand, that was resting on her knee, with his own. "I will always love you, Rey, but I am learning _not_ to love you in this way," he said, his eyes darting to his hand on hers.

He pulled away then, but Rey grabbed a hold of his hand. "I am so lucky to have been loved by you," she whispered and squeezed his hand.

Poe brought her hand to his mouth and lay a gentle kiss on her knuckles. Then, he placed the hand back on her lap and let go fully, as if he'd already started moving on. "We should go eat something!"he said, suddenly getting up from his chair.

Rey laughed and nodded.

( ** _Meanwhile)_**

Amala felt exhausted. There had been so many things happening all at once, that she hadn't had time to process it all. _What was it about this planet, she wondered, why did everything feel so much vivid?_ Maybe it wasn't the planet at all, maybe it was just her; or maybe it was that insufferable general.

Amala closed her eyes and sighed, which was a bad idea, because as soon as she did, Poe Dameron's face formed into her mind, with his wild dark hair and his sparkling brown eye, and making her feel... _how did he make her feel?_ Well, annoyed mostly, but also giddy, annoyingly giddy, which then just led back to annoyed. She was a princess and a general, and he was just a pilot at the end of the day; he shouldn't have that kind of power over her, she shouldn't allow it. But it felt good, being seen felt good. But then again, he only ever had eyes for her when Rey wasn't in the room. No, she wouldn't allow herself to care for a man that so clearly cared for another.

Decided, Amala got up from her chair and walked to the door; she punched in the code that opened it. Out in the corridor, she ran into Ben Solo. She stopped and inhaled sharply. It was just the two of them on that small corridor. _Was she afraid of him? Would he hurt her?_

Ben could sense her fear in the Force and for the first time, it saddened him that anybody would fear the sight of him. He had grown so used to people always trembling before he that it hadn't bothered him; in the beginning, he had even liked it. But it was different now, he didn't want to be feared here, _not in his home._

Ben slightly nodded his head towards her, then kept walking down the corridor. The woman surprised him when she fell into step with him. All fear was gone from her, he could feel it; she was brave and bold.

"General Solo," she said, and her strong voice matched her bravery.

Ben turned to her. "It's not general," he simply said. She seemed at a loss for words. "Just Solo. Ben."

Amala nodded. She swallowed hard before she spoke. "Ben," she said, then added the Solo. "I feel I must apologise for my behaviour whilst you were in our custody."

Ben stopped abruptly and looked at her strangely. She stopped as well. He was searching her feeling with the Force, she was speaking the truth. "Thank you," he said, then carried on walking.

"Yes, of course," she mumbled and walked along side him again. The man was strange.

"General Amala," Ben spoke up and it slightly made her flinch with surprise.

"Yes?"she replied after she composed herself.

"For what is worth, I am sorry for what happened to your planet. I, not only want to apologise for what the First Order has done, but also for not acting sooner with our plan. Your people could have been saved. They deserved to, and I am sorry they didn't." Ben had stopped again and looked at her, forcing her to stop and look at him also. He could see the tears gathered in the corners of her eyes, and knew that she knew that he had meant everything he'd just said.General Amala nodded and offered him a small smile.

"Ben?" Rey's surprised voice came from the opposite side of the corridor.

Ben looked up and saw Rey walking towards them, along with Poe. They both stopped a few feet away. Poe looked at him and then at Amala, his eyes lingering longer on the woman. Rey was also looking at Amala, and Ben could feel the spark of an emotion, that he couldn't really pinpoint, rise into Rey's Force.

Rey didn't know why she hadn't realised until today how beautiful the young general was. She had golden-blonde hair, vibrant green eyes and her face was as beautiful as Rey'd ever seen. Yet, she hadn't noticed any of that until she saw her smile at Ben just now. When she looked at Ben, he could see recognition in his features, her emotions were opened wide to him and he could see that she'd been... _jealous_ ; for a spark of a second, she had been. But then she'd looked at Ben, and Ben had already been looking at her, and was always looking at her, only her. She smiled when she saw the teasing look on his face.

But Ben had caught onto something else, the way Poe was looking at him and the general, almost in the same way he used to look at him and Rey. He then noticed Amala's reaction to Poe and Rey and smiled to himself. These people were as easy to read as an open book, even without him using his control of the Force.

"Rey," Ben said and all eyes shot to him, "would you mind accompanying me? There is something I wish to discuss with you."

Rey almost laughed at the way he'd posed the question but answered, "Yes, of course," and the two of them left Poe and Amala behind.

"General Dameron," she said.

Poe nodded. "General," he answered back. She had just walked past him when Poe called after her. "Amala!" She turned around to look at him. "Would you like some dinner?"

Amala ignored the fact that the first answer that popped into her mind was _no_ , that after seeing him with Rey, _no, she didn't want dinner_. She ignored that and simply nodded her head, walking back towards him.

 **AN: so, what do you guys say about these 4 intercting? Hope you liked it, it was loads of fun to write :)**


	44. Part 44

**AN: Guys, I am so happy you are so on board with Damala( totally love their couple name hihi) I really enjoy writing them :) thank you and hi to all the new faves and follows! Xxx**

Rey's body was shivering under the tossed blankets whilst her forehead was glistening with sweat. She was moaning in pain and fear. Her breaths were coming out ragged and her face was contorted with pain.

She woke up gasping for air. _Ben!_ was the first, almost violent thought in her brain. She needed to find Ben. _She needed to_. She got out of bed and tried to find balance on wobbly legs. She felt bile rise in her throat. She forced it back and willed herself to move, but her body felt paralysed, as if pinned to the spot by something. She clenched her fists and pushed forwards; then, the pain erupted in her side and she collapsed to the ground. She let out a shriek of anguish and felt the Force leave her in search of him.

Ben was reading something in the library, some of the ancient Jedi scripts, when he felt the rush of Rey's Force.He felt his chest tighten. He dropped everything and ran out of the room. He felt as if his chest was about to explode with anxiety and his mind was racing; he couldn't run up the stairs fast enough

He'd made it to her room in a heartbeat, that had felt like an excruciatingly slow and frightening heartbeat for the both of them. Rey was kneeling by her bed. Ben rushed to her side, dropping to his knees, as he cradled her face in his hands.

"What's wrong?"he asked, searching her eyes.

Rey's eyes were wild with fear and not entirely able to focus on him. "I,I...I had a vision, or-or a dream...I'm not sure." She looked at him frightened, tears filling her eyes.

"Shhh, it's alright," Ben said, pulling her to his chest. He started rocking her slowly as he caressed her back. Her body was shivering and she was sobbing against his chest. Ben pulled her closer still. "What did you see, Rey?"

"You, I saw you," Rey whispered, "you were dead." Her voice broke and she buried herself deeper into his body.

"It's okay, I'm right here, I'm okay," Ben whispered against the crown of her head. He laid a kiss there. "Are you in pain?"he asked. Rey nodded. "Where?"

Rey pulled away to look at him and wiped her tears. She'd stopped shivering now and her eyes looked more clear. "Here," she said, touching the place where Dai Ren had hit her.

Ben's eyes darkened, but he caught himself. "May I?" he gently asked; she nodded.

Ben's hand made it's way to Rey's tunic, his fingers gently slipping under and lifting it up. They were both watching his actions carefully. When Ben's movements had started to reveal her skin, Rey's breath caught in her throat, even though he had been very careful not to touch her skin with his fingers. He pulled her tunic only high enough to reveal the dark-red wound.

"It's reopened. But how?" Ben wondered. He looked from her wound to her face. "What has he done to you?"he asked, his voice pained.

Rey's voice cracked with tears. "I don't know..."

 **A*A*A**

"Maz will know what to do," Poe reassured Ben once again.

Ben simply nodded. They were just landing on Maz's home planet which had been destroyed by the First Order years ago. Everything lay in ruin now, but the inhabitants had managed to make a life for themselves even in the ruins.

Amala had felt nauseous as soon as she'd seen the city, the sight of destruction was all too familiar to her; so she looked away. She had kept her head down, as they made their way to Maz's place through the intricate streets; and once Rey had been taken care of, she'd left their side. Poe had noticed all of that.

"The crystal Dai Ren used on her must have used more of the power of the Dark Side than I had anticipated. How long has it been affecting her?" Maz asked.

Ben looked at her confused.

"For weeks now." Poe answered and Ben turned around, glaring at him in shock. "With everything that was going on, she thought you shouldn't need to worry about her too." Poe tried to explain but he could see that Ben was only getting angrier."It wasn't my decision," Poe added.

Ben clenched his jaw and turned to Maz. "Will she be alright?"

"She will be, _eventually_ ," Maz said. "But that wound will leave a scar that she will have to learn to live with."

Involuntarily, Ben's hand flew to his own scar, the one _she'd_ given him.

 **A*A*A**

"Hey," Poe tried to say it as gently as he could but he scared her nonetheless.

Amala jumped away from the wall she was leaning against and turned to look at him. For a moment, it felt like she didn't know who he was; when her eyes did recognise him, she relaxed her shoulders and exhaled. "Hey,"she offered back.

Poe came to stand beside her. "Are you alright, Amala?"

He'd said her name like that again, like he enjoyed saying it, like it belonged on his lips. She shook herself, she shouldn't go there with Poe. "Yes," she replied briskly.

"Alright then..."Poe mumbled, taken aback by her reaction.

Amala sighed. "I'm sorry." She glanced at him. "It's just this planet, this city, it reminds me too much of my home." Poe nodded understandingly. "It looks almost the same, you know?" Her bottom lip had started quivering and she pressed a finger to it, trying to stop it. "It looks exactly the same," she managed to get out, her eyes and voice heavy with tears.

Amala hugged herself, her hands holding on so tightly to her arms that her knuckles had turned white. She was trying to hold herself up, put herself back together and Poe felt something break in his heart. Then, he did something that surprised them both. He closed the space between them and pulled her to his chest. For a moment, her body tensed in surprise, but when it relaxed, Poe couldn't help but notice how perfectly she fit into his arms.

Amala allowed herself to be cared for, if only for a moment. She allowed Poe to hold her and allowed herself to cry against his chest. Her arms had wound themselves around his back, grabbing fistfulls of his shirt and holding them tightly, holding on for dear life. When she sobbed louder, Poe pulled her even closer to him. He had to fight every urge inside of him not to kiss the top of her head, not to whisper to her that she will be alright, that she had him. _Did she?_

Amala was the first one to pull away, the first one to turn around; and the first one to leave. Poe found that he couldn't really move for a while.

 **A*A*A**

When Rey woke up, she knew exactly where she was and what had happened; what she didn't know, was where Ben was. He wasn't anywhere near her bed, not holding her hand or caressing her forehead, where he'd been every time she'd woken up in this place. Her eyes looked around the room and she saw him, at the foot of her bed, looking at her.

"Hey," she said groggily.

"Why didn't you tell me, Rey?"

He was hurt. And upset. And angry. All the things Rey had wanted to avoid by not telling him. She sighed. "Because I didn't think it was important, because it's no-"

He cut her off. "You told Poe!"

She sat up in bed. "Yes," she admitted, "I told Poe."

Ben pursed his lips. "So it was important enough to tell him?"

Rey rolled her eyes. "That's just not..."she trailed off. "I didn't tell you, because I didn't think you needed to know."

"Damn it, Rey!" Ben said, punching a silver tray, making her flinch. "I needed to know!"

"I didn't tell you because I knew this was how you were going to react!" She pointed out, too exhausted to actually shout at him.

"How would you have liked me to react, Rey?" he demanded angrily.

"I...I don't know." She sighed, her eyes had turned sad and apologetic. "But he is dead already. There is nothing you can do and now you are just angry and I, I just really _hoped_ it would go away." Her eyes filled with tears and Ben's immediately softened.

"I should have known, Rey. You should have told me."

She nodded. "I'm sorry."

Ben made his way to the side of her bed and grabbed her hand in his. "I want to protect you,Rey, but I can't unless you tell me what you're afraid of."

"Okay," she whispered, squeezing his hand.

"Good," he smiled at her.

 **AN: A little bit of drama just to spice things up! Haha, promise that this is the last we will ever hear of Dai Ren though! We done with him! Hope you liked it...6 more to go xxx**


	45. E9p45

**AN: Thank you and hi to all the new faves and follows! Thank you guys for the great reviews! And in answer to your question: Yes, the dream/visions were caused by what Dai Ren did, but Ben will be fine!!! Nobody is allowed to kill him in my story hihi**

 **So, we are on part 45- half way through the last 10 chapters! This is clearly a special ocassion :)) so I hope this chapter rises to the challange haha, hope you enjoy xx**

"Are you sure you're well enough to do this?" Ben asked Rey for what felt like the hundredth time; for her, not for him, to him it only seemed reasonable.

Rey rolled her eyes. "Ben, I am well enough. In fact, I've been well enough for a while but I've been holding back for _your_ sake!" She pointed out. "I need to get some training, I need to move and play with the Force, so come on!"

Ben raise his hands up in defeat. "Fine," he said, then sneakily used one of his hands to take a hold of her body and pull her towards him with the Force.

Rey felt herself being thrust forwards, and in less than seconds, her face was only inches away from Ben's. He raised one dark, arrogant eyebrow. "I don't think you _were_ ready," he smirked and laid a kiss on the tip of her nose, before letting her go and starting to walk away.

But Rey managed to move quickly and in a swift motion, she turned around and used the Force to trip him. She was towering over him now. "Oh," she mocked him, "what happened, Solo? Where you taken by surprise?"

Ben laughed and let his head drop to the cold floor. "Alright, you're ready," he finally gave in. Getting up to his feet, he asked: "Should we get our lightsabers out?"

Rey grinned and took her lightsaber out of its stash; Ben did the same, he had kept his red lightsaber because it was such a big part of himself, one he wasn't ready to give up yet; one he might not have to. The light and darkness in him could be balanced; they were in fact balanced, by the girl in front of him.

The corner of his mouth lifted up in a smirk. "Are you ready, scavenger?"

Rey chuckled. "You asked for this," she said, launching at him with a hit that he managed to easily stop. She than began a constant attack and he managed to stop all of them.

When they parted, they were both panting. In a moment, when Rey thought Ben wasn't paying attention, she ran up towards him, trying a surprise attack; but Ben caught her hand, making her drop her lightsaber, then pulled her right up against his body, his lightsaber almost grazing her chin.

"You're still weak, Rey," he said, turning off his lightsaber. His voice wasn't playful anymore either. "You wield your lightsaber poorly and your control over the Force is weak."

Rey struggled out of his arms. "I'm not a child, Ben!"

"I am trying to take care of you!"

"Well, I didn't ask you to, did I?" Rey regretted the words as soon as they'd come out of her mouth. But it was too late now.

Ben dropped his lightsaber and left.

 **A*A*A**

"Could you make sure that gets done, general Dameron?" Amala asked Poe when the two of them were left alone in the meeting room.

Poe was a little bit taken aback by the harshness of her tone so he looked at her, but she was studying some documents. "Of course," Poe replied.

Amala closed the document and offered him a tight lipped smile. "Of course," she repeated, somehow sarcastically, then made to leave the room.

"Is there a problem, general Amala?" Poe asked confused.

She sighed then turned around to face him. "In fact, general, there is! This time around, could you make sure to actually do what I've asked you and not go about it your own way? If that's not to much to ask," she added mockingly.

Poe let out an incredulous laugh and crossed his arms over his chest. Amala tried not to notice how his muscles flexed underneath his white shirt; he had discarded his jacket a while into the meeting, and it was enough she had noticed that. "What is the actual problem here?" Poe asked, drawing her attention back to his face; that was good, most of the time she found the man insufferable.

"The problem," she said, slapping the documents on the desk beside her, "general Dameron, is that every time I've asked you to do something in the past, you and lieutenant Finn, have managed, somehow, to find a way to go around it and not really do it!"

Poe raised his dark eyebrows, he didn't think she had noticed. "We just happened to find another, better, way," he said as a form of explanation.

Amala scoffed and shook her head. It was truly easy to hate this man sometimes. He not only not apologised, but he'd also insulted her methods. _Who did he think he was?_ Amala decided she was too infuriated to stay in that room for another minute so she turned on her heels and marched to the door. But Poe caught up with her in a few short strides and clasped a hand on her wrist. She immediately stoped, her eyes fixed on his hand, and the inexplicable warmth of his finger on her skin.

"What do you think you're doing!?"she demanded annoyed, although her voice seemed to waver a bit.

Poe had forgotten everything he'd wanted to say as soon as he felt her smooth skin underneath his fingers; and now that she had spoken, his eyes had been involuntarily drawn to her lips. He was starring at her mouth, he knew that, but he didn't want to look away. What he did want, was to run his fingers over her delicate lips; perhaps run his lips over them after that.

"General Dameron!" Amala exclaimed, trying to free herself from his grasp, but he held on tighter. Then, he looked into her eyes, as if searching for something in there, some kind of answer, before he swiftly pulled her to his body, and cupping the back of her head with his other hand, he crushed his lips to hers.

At first Amala's body stiffened in his arms, and then she put her hands on his chest. For a second, he thought that she might try to push him away; but she didn't. Instead, she grabbed fistfuls of his shirt and pulled him closer, her lips just as desperate as his.There was nothing tender about their kiss, it was just raw passion, perhaps even a little annoyance. It was, in a way, a way in which they both could let out their emotions.

Amala was the one to pull them apart; well, more like pushing _him_ away. Poe found himself in awe with her flushed face and swollen lips. Her hair was also more messy and he found he already missed the silkiness of it.

Amala brought a trembling hand to her mouth. "Why did you do that?"she asked him.

"I, I...I don't know," Poe mumbled, struggling to find the words, the right words. "What kind of question is that?"he asked her, almost laughing.

Amala's face changed in an instant, she wasn't flushed with shyness and embarrassment anymore; no, what was left, was hurt and annoyance. "The kind of question you should have had the answer to," she said, trying really hard not to choke on the tears that she could feel rise in her throat. Then, she left, closing the door behind her with a bang.

Left alone, Poe ran his hands through his hair violently, before hitting the table with his foot. _How had he managed to mess that up so quickly?_

 **A*A*A**

Rey wrung her hands, trying to find the right words to say. She was pacing up and down in the library, waiting for Ben. She'd not seen him since the training session they'd had earlier that day and Rey had been plagued by guilt the whole day. She was going over her speech again when the door opened. She turned around. Ben stopped in the doorway, one hand on the knob, starring at her. She couldn't really distinguish his expression in the dark, but she figured this was as good a time as any to start speaking.

"Ben, I'm so sorry about earlier! It's just this thing, whatever Dai Ren did to me, seems to affect me somehow and I..." she trailed off as Ben started marching towards her.

He didn't say anything, not a thing; he simply buried his hands in her hair and brought his mouth to hers. Rey was slightly taken aback, but she quickly responded to his kiss, winding one hand around his neck, while the other was lost in the mess of black hair.

Rey tried to pull away a couple of times, to carry on with her speech, but Ben kept kissing her, swallowing her words, taking them off her lips with his own. She just gave in eventually, allowing Ben to devour her completely, while she did the same.

When they did pull apart, they were both panting. Ben cupped her face with his hands and willed her to look him in the eyes. "It frightens me," Ben rasped, "the thought of anything happening to you. In my lifetime, I can't remember a time when I was more afraid then when I thought I'd lost you," he confessed.

"Oh Ben," Rey said, laying a soft kiss on his lips. "I would die if anything were to happen to you! I can't possibly imagine a galaxy without you in it."

They rested their foreheads against the other and breathed, because in that moment, it felt important to assure the other person that they were very much alive, that they were alright. That night, Ben and Rey conquered fear with Love.

 **AN: Too cheesy having them both kiss in this? Haha, I felt like doing something special and I feel it was the right time, let me know what you think xxx**


	46. Part 46

**AN: Thank you to all the new reviewers and to my very faithful ones! You guys are all amazing! I am so so glad you like Damala as much as I do hihi, there is more for them in this story! Also, so happy you are happy with the Ben and Rey developments ;) **

**Also, we got to 100 followers, which is super cool! Can't believe that 100 of you are following this story! Thank you xxxx**

 **And lastly, I just want to recommend one of my favourite Reylo fics, _Eclipse_ by _Leona2016_! The emotion is so real in this story and it has 14 chapters already so you can go ahead and binge on that until the next update on here :)) No, but honestly now, do your Reylo heart a favour and go read this great fic! :D**

"I'd like to talk to you...about the other day."

Amala stiffened. She had made sure not to be alone with Poe ever since he had kissed her the other day, and she had succeeded until now. She was looking through general Organa's old papers, studying her strategies, trying to learn from her; she had her back turned toward the door Poe had probably just come in through. She didn't want to turn around and face him, that was the point of avoiding him, not having to look into his eyes, to look at his face, his lips...Yes, she had succeeded in avoiding him, but not in chasing him out of her thoughts. In fact, the only thing she had been thinking about had been the kiss, and the fact that _he_ had kissed _her_. _Why had he done that? Was is because he was annoyed with her and that was the only way he could let his emotions out? Was it because he was attracted to her? Because he liked her?_ No, that was silly, he was in love with Rey. _Why then, had he kissed her? Was she merely a substitute_? These were the question that had been haunting her for the past few days. But the most pressing questions were the ones she didn't really dare ask herself. _Had she enjoyed the kiss? Was she attracted to Poe? What exactly were her feelings for him? And would she want to kiss him again?_

Of course, if she ever dared to ponder such questions the answers would be straightforward. Yes, she had enjoyed the kiss, not because of him, but because it had been nice. And yes, she might be attracted to Poe, he was a handsome man after all; but she didn't feel anything else for him, anything that wasn't annoyance. No, definitely not, she will not kiss him ever again.

And yet, if she were to be completely honest with herself, she knew she hadn't just enjoyed the kiss because it had been nice, and she wasn't just attracted to him or annoyed with him; no, she felt something else, something more, something that made her ache when she saw the way he looked at Rey and made her want him to say something else than what he had said after the kiss.

"Amala, you can't ignore me forever!" Poe pointed out when she hadn't turned around to face.

Amala braced herself before turning around. "Actually, I would be more than capable of doing that," she remarked snarky. "However, I don't intend to waste my time running away from you, so what is it that you want to talk about?"

Poe almost smiled at her. He didn't know why, but her fierceness seemed to entertain him, even though he knew she was probably quite mad at him. "I want to talk about the kiss," he said bluntly and watched the colour rise to her cheeks. He liked the fact that she was so strong and brave, yet so shy, almost embarrassed, by the intimacy they'd shared. She was completely puzzling and that mesmerised him.

When she didn't say anything, he decided to push her. "You know, when I came close," he said, taking a step towards her, "and then I pressed my lips against him yours."

She took a step back. "Yes," she bit out, "I am aware of what happened."

Poe smirked. "Aware? Doesn't sound like you had a great time," he joked.

Amala narrowed her eyes at him. "The kiss was...pleasant. Now what do you want?"

Poe put a hand on his heart, looking hurt. "Pleasant? That hurts."

Amala pursed her lips. "Well, I'm sure your other conquests would give you better feedback," she spat and rushed past him.

He caught her arm with his hand. "Amala, wait!"he pleaded with her. She stopped and looked at him. "That was just a joke. I felt like we needed to...relax, but I do really want to talk to you."

"So talk!"she said, freeing her arm from his grasp.

Poe let go and also took a step back, allowing her her space. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

"That you kissed me?" she challenged him.

"No," he replied, too quickly perhaps. "I am not sorry that I kissed you, because that kiss..."he trailed off, his eyes falling to her lips. He looked back into her eyes, "I am not apologising for kissing you," he said, "am apologising for what I said afterwards and, if you feel like I've overstepped my bounds, then I apologise for that too."

Amala swallowed hard. He had enjoyed kissing her. And more than that, he seemed to want to kiss her again, right now. And he had apologised for what he'd said; _but was that enough? Did she need more? Could she ask for more?_

"I accept you apology, " she said, then turned around to leave, not really sure what would happen where she to stay.

Poe didn't make to stop her, he wanted to, but he wasn't really sure of what to say to make her stay.

 **A*A*A**

"Tell me about Jakku," Ben said, setting down his Jedi manuscript.

Him and Rey were in the library, sat on either side of the window bay seat, reading the sacred Jedi books. Rey had wanted to do it, Ben had wanted to do it for Rey. He couldn't deny though, that there were some things worth learning, some things nobody had ever told him about. Nonetheless, he had gradually grown uninterested and had often stopped just to look at Rey. She was really concentrating on whatever she was reading, eyes narrowing on the page, teeth biting into her bottom lip.

But when he spoke, she sat the book in her lap and looked at him. "Jakku?"she asked confused.

He smirked. "Yes, I want to know what you

were up to before you meddled into my businesses."

Rey laughed lightly. "There is not much to tell..."she trailed off.

"I want to know," Ben gently pushed her.

Rey looked away from him for a second, then got up, set her book on a table near by, then climbed back onto the seat, her back resting against the wall, knees drawn to her chest. She sighed and then started. "My earliest memory, is that of my parents leaving. Well, it's more of a feeling," she explained, " I only put images to it when I touched Luke's lightsaber." Rey looked out the window. "I don't really know what happened before that, but I like to imagine that we were a happy family, poor as we were, I'd like to think that even if only for a while, we were happy together." She offered him a sad smile. "You probably think I'm silly for believing that, right? If we would have been happy, then they wouldn't have left me."

"Hmm," Ben mused, "not at all. See, right here," he said, pointing to the chairs that sat by the fire, "is one of my earliest memories from childhood. I remember my mother and," he paused for a moment, perhaps to find the right words, perhaps to find the strength to say them; "my father, and I." Ben looked down. "I was sat on his lap, playing with my miniature Falcon, all the while thinking about the time when the real Falcon would be mine." He let out a sad laugh. "My mother was sat on the other chair reading to us. In that moment, none of us thought we would end up the way we did." He looked back up at her. "So no, I don't think it's silly that you hope you once had a happy family."

Rey smiled through the tears that had made her hazel eyes sparkle. "Thank you for sharing that with me," she whispered.

Ben offered her a small smile. "Now tell me about Jakku," he urged her, a little bit uncomfortable.

Rey caught on to that, so she started talking. "Well, there is not much to tell. I was a junk trader, I would spend my days looking for scarp to sell so that I could pay for my food. I spent all my life waiting for my parents and selling rusty old pieces of ships."

"Did you have any friends?"

"Not really. Jakku is a lonely place. Did you?"

Ben laughed ironically. " I was the son of royalty and incredibly gifted with the Force, so Leda was a lonely place too."

"When did you discover you had the Force?"

Ben shrugged. "I always knew that there was a power within me. I've always been aware of it," he explained. "Did you ever feel that?"

Rey bit her bottom lip. "I have always felt...something, inside of me. Something that awakened when I met you. You were the catalyst of my power."

"And you were the reckoning of mine," Ben said in reply to that.

 _...darkness rises and light to meet it..._

 **AN: Really excited to see what you guys think about this because I always wanted to give both of them a bit of a backstory and I feel like I did that a bit in this chapter;) also, had to use that line from the movies because it's probably one of my faves...let me know if you liked it xxx**


	47. Part 47

**AN: oh my days, guys! Can not believe how crazy this week has been :O sorry for not updating as quickly as I usually do but I do hope you enjoy this chapter.**

 **Thank you for your reviews and faves and follows! :) three more to go after thisxxx**

He was entering the ship, each step slow, almost painful; he had to force himself to keep going deeper in. He didn't realise his hands were shaking until he placed one on the wall for support. _How could this weaken him so?_ The effort was cutting him to the bone, his spirit once again splintered as he went deeper into the Falcon.

He had been on the ship before, but not like this, not on his own; not with _this_ purpose in mind. _What was his purpose though? To seek reconciliation with the ghost of a man he once used to call father? To try and redeem a part of himself held in the frail echo of his childhood the ship held? To forgive and seek forgiveness?_

No, his intentions had not been that throughly spelt out. He simply wanted to stop the hurt, to cure the aching inside of him, instead of numbing it; and for the first time, he didn't want to use the Force, he wanted to use _his heart_. Which had turned out to be indeed very foolish, for his heart was something he didn't know well, something he couldn't really trust. Except when it came to her: his mother; and then, later on, with Rey.

Ben let go of the wall and retrieved his shaking hand to his side. He was not a child anymore, afraid to go into his father's ship alone, therefore, he would not behave like one. Ben let out a long breath and marched all the way to the cockpit. His knees weekend;he could feel the pressure of tears threatening to burst through his eyes that know seemed too small for the flood of emotion. There, in front of him, a memory started forming. Young Ben was sat on the copilot seat, which usually belonged to Chewbacca, whilst Han was on the other.

"Engines ready?" Young Ben asked, his eyes narrowed on the control panel in front of him.

Han smiled at the boy's concentration but answered in the most serious tone: "Ready! You ready, son?"

The young boy looked up at his father, glee and excitement evident in his eyes. "I'm ready, dad!"

Han's smiled widened. He then fixed his eyes ahead and the two of them, son and father, said in unison: "Never tell me the odds!"

The two of them vanished in a trail of smoke as quickly as they appeared and every fibre in Ben's heart threatened to break. Hs stumbled to one of the seats; his father's. He ran his hands up and down the seat's arms. Somehow, naively, he thought he could feel the warmth of his father's hands still on them. How stupid! His father's body would be as cold as the snow on the Star Destroyer he'd perished; where he'd been murdered. By his own son, with the same hands that were now desperately seeking his warmth.

Ben cradled his head in his hands and wept bitterly, his palms now holding pools of sorrow, regret and pain. He was wailing for loving his father, for being abandoned and disappointed by him time and time again, for killing him, for not offering forgiveness and for not being forgiven.

And, somewhere within the chaos of his pain, Ben found peace; because he'd been forgiven. He only had to accept it.

A*A*A

"Amala!" Rey called after the general.

"Yes?" Amala replied, stopping to wait for Rey. Once Rey reached her, they started walking together.

"I just wanted to say thank you," Rey said, "for everything you've been doing here," she gestured around them. They were walking from the Resistance base into the town. The place looked prosperous and radiant.

Amala's gaze dropped to the ground. "It hasn't been only me," she started but Rey interrupted her.

"No," she conceded, "but you were a very big part of it. I am grateful for all your hard work."

"Thank you, Rey!" Amala looked at Rey in that moment and understood why Poe loved her. It seemed so easy to love her, she was so...bright. And Amala was... _what?_ _What was she?_ She was clouded by her past and burdened by her lossed. If there was one thing she knew for sure about herself, was that she was not easy to love.

"Is that Poe?" Rey asked, looking somewhere over her shoulder.

They had stopped walking. Amala turned around and saw Poe indeed. He was helping Kyla with her constructions. Kyla was a single mother and one of the few survivors of Amala's home planet. Her and her little boy, Ozy, had lost their husband and father in the destruction. Poe was fixing something on their roof, his leather jacket discarded, his sleeves rolled up and smiling wide at the little boy, making him laugh. The sound of Ozy's laughter always made Amala happy. She looked at the image before her and her insides filled up with warmth. But then there was the family ache in her heart as she looked sideways at the woman besides her. Of course he was in love with _her._

"Poe is a great man, wouldn't you say?" Rey asked, gazing at Poe and the child. She could sense something in Amala, some feelings in her heart, feelings she wished to bury deep.

Amala cleared her throat. "Of course, general Dameron is a great leader," Amala said, not betraying any of her real feelings for him. He was in love with Rey. _But was she falling in love with him?_

"Ah, yes, of course," Rey chuckled, "general Dameron. That title doesn't really suit him, does it?"

Amala looked at her confused. "I'm sorry?"

Rey shrugged. "I'm just saying that he seems more like an ordinary man then a general."

"I think that's precisely what makes him great. His humility, his humanity," Amala argued passionately.

Rey smiled to herself. "Perhaps you're right." She'd found out what she needed to know. "Should we head on?"

Amala, a bit embarrassed by her outburst of praise for Poe, simple nodded and carried on walking.

A*A*A

"Hey," Rey said happily when Ben entered the library.

Ben smiled. "Hey." He sat down in the chair opposite hers, next to the fire.

"I heard you took the Falcon out for a while," Rey said, not really posing it as a question but still wanting some answers.

Ben had laid his head back against the chair. His long arms were draped on the arm chairs, his sleeves rolled up. Rey could see that he had caught a slight tan. She smiled, it was so hard to imagine him as the ruthless Supreme Leader, considering how relaxed and contempt he looked now; with his hair slightly more curled due to the humidity, with his face tanned and his lips curved into a smile most of the time.

"You shouldn't stare, Rey!" he said teasingly as his lips curled into a smirk.

"I can't help it," Rey answered, but only half jokingly. There was something about him, about his Force, the slow and steady flow of it; something that looked undeniably at peace. "What happened in the Falcon?"she asked.

Ben opened his eyes to look at her. He knew she'd sensed something, he could feel it in the eagerness of her Force. "The past died," he said, "and was reborn again as something new that is not weighing on my shoulders anymore."

Rey's eyes were glistening. "You forgave him..."she whispered.

Ben nodded. "Like he'd forgiven me before I'd even done anything."

Rey knew that in that moment, Ben understood his father's love for what it was; not naively hopefully, but steadfast and sacrificial. Ben and Han, were finally at peace. With the other and within themselves.

A*A*A

Amala took a big breath. She couldn't believe what she was doing. This was not like herself, she was not impulsive; she was calm and calculated. She needed to be; she had to be.

But now, here she was, standing outside his door, when it clearly was too late for a visit, knocking with shaking hands on the wooden surface.

"Hey, come on in, buddy!" Poe shouted from the other side of the door.

 _Come in?_ She didn't want to come in. She wanted to have a short conversation in the doorway, if possible even in the hallway, and then be on her way. But it was too late now, she was already here, she had already knocked and he had already answered. Amala squeezed her eyes shut and opened the door.

"Finn could you-oh!" Poe exclaimed surprised when he saw Amala enter his room. He sat his drink down on the small table in front of the sofa.

"I'm sorry, you were expecting Finn and I just barged in and," she tried to explain herself but Poe cut her off.

"No, no, no, it's alright!" he said. "It's fine. But has anything happened?"he asked confused, thinking there could be no other reason for her to be in his room rather than an emergency. That's when it hit him: an emergency. Something had happened. "Is everything alright?"he asked, panicked all of a sudden. He took a step closer and scanned her body with his eyes. "Are you alright?"

Amala couldn't help the small smile that crept on her lips when she heard the worry in his voice. He had been concerned for her safety. Rey had been right, he was a good and kind man. "No, I'm fine, everything is fine, I just wanted to talk to you."

"Oh, ok, yeah of course," Poe said, awkwardly crossing his arms.

Amala sighed. "I am sorry, about the way I reacted to our kiss and your apology," she said.

Poe's eyes widened, it was the first time she'd acknowledge their kiss, besides the time that he had practically forced her to talk about it. He simply nodded, afraid that he might say something stupid if he were to open his mouth.

"Also, I wanted to say thank you," she carried on, "for helping Kyla and spending time with Ozy, and for everything you've done to help me."

Poe was astonished into silence; he just nodded again, not really sure if he was capable of any other movement.

"Right," Amala said clearing her throat. Now came the hard part:"Poe," she started, and he already felt disarmed, felt like if she were to ask anything of him in that moment, he would probably give it to her. "I know I might have given you the impression, the wrong impression, " she corrected herself, "that I don't like you or that I might be upset or annoyed with you. Which is sometimes true, but I don't want you to think that I hate you. Because I don't. Because you're a great man, one of the best I know. And because I couldn't hate you," she shook her head, "my heart just wouldn't let me."

Poe let out a shaky breath. _What was she saying exactly? He understood; but did he really? Was that what she was trying to say? That she felt something for him? Could he ask her to spell it out for him? Would she?_ Poe took a step towards her and then another; they were quite close and yet not close enough. _What could he do? What should he?_

Amala was waiting, for what, she wasn't sure. She was waiting for him to say something, do something; and yet nothing happened. Still, something did happened. The door behind her opened with a bang and a loud whistle.

"Poe you ready for this cause-oh," Finn exclaimed when he saw Amala. "I'm sorry, am I interrupting?"he asked starring at the two of them.

Poe hesitated but Amala answered: "No." She offered Finn a small smile and then glanced at Poe again, before leaving the room.


	48. Part 48

**AN: A big thank you to all of you wonderful people who fave and follow and review! Very much appreciated * we are slowly getting to the end of this story! After this, only 2 more to go ;) hope you enjoy xxx**

Walking up to Rey's room, Ben could not remember a time he'd been more nervous. He didn't know why, but he felt like this was an important night, like there was an eagerness in the air. Even the Force around him was vibrating.

There was no reason for him to be that nervous, he'd attended balls before, celebrations within the First Order, important dinner parties where the fate of the galaxy was to be determined. But this was different. It was different because it was a real celebration of family and friendship; things he wasn't familiar with, but that he was at least starting to understand. This was different because he didn't have to play a part anymore, because he didn't need to keep his defences up at all times, because he didn't need to control anybody's mind, bend anybody's will. This was different because he was different.

This was different...because _she_ was going to be there.

 ** _(Meanwhile)_**

Amala smoothed her hands over her dress for the a hundredth time. It felt so strange, she had not worn her royal clothes in a while; she hadn't really had a reason, but tonight, she did. She was wearing a sparkling green drees, the same shade of green as her eyes, and her blonde hair was falling in waves down her back, while a golden head crown adorned her forehead.

She felt beautiful. And she thought of Poe, wondering if he would think she was beautiful. If he already thought so.

In that moment, Amala's first instinct was to chastise herself for even thinking that, but things had changed. Ever since she'd admitted her feelings for Poe, to herself and to him, a few nights ago, she'd felt liberated. She was done hiding and she was done running away from her feelings. Tonight, she would allow herself to be.

 **A*A*A**

Rey heard a soft knock on her door. It was Ben; but she'd known that. She'd known it would be him as soon as he opened the door to his own room. There was something passing between, a wave of electricity and eagerness in their Force bond; she'd grown so used to it, their Force bond, that sometimes she would forget it was there. But tonight, she was more aware of it than ever.

She felt Ben slightly pulling her towards the door, towards him. She took a deep breath before she walked up to it and slowly opened it. The instant her eyes fell on him she was breathless. He was wearing a dark blue, royal tunic with golden embellishments and a white cape. His curled dark hair lay in perfect symmetry and on his face, he was wearing a dazzling smile.

Ben forgot how to breath for a moment as she opened the door to greet him. It wasn't just how beautiful she looked that night in her silky grey-silver dress, with her hair swooped up in intricate braids; it was also the air around him, it felt like its density had changed to only ten percent oxygen, and ninety percent her scent. Her Force, her presence was overwhelmingly strong tonight, so intense that he almost buckled at the knees and fell to the ground before her.

Rey opened her mouth to say something, but Ben felt like he should be the one to speak first. "You look breathtaking," he said, putting words to his feelings.

Rey smiled and looked at the ground. They had been through many things together, had been through various stages of hatred and friendships, from enemies to allies; but now, what where they now? Rey wasn't sure, and she felt that asking him would just make her look silly.

"We should go," Ben said, when he felt the hesitation in her Force, her slight uneasiness.

He waited by the door as she passed him, then closed the door behind her and sat his hand on her back. He was surprised when his fingertips landed on the smoothness of her skin; the sensation shook him to the core. Rey's dress was cut in a V down the back, and his hand was now resting against her exposed flesh. He had touched her before, her hand, her face, even his lips on her lips, but this was different. He had never touched her so casually, and yet so intimately. He wasn't sure if he was allowed to; or if she wanted him to.

Ben hesitated for a moment, long enough for her to protest if she wanted to. When Rey did nothing but inhaled a shaky breath, Ben pressed his palm flat against her back and led her forwards to the ballroom.

 **A*A*A**

Poe had been thinking only about Amala ever since she had talked to him. It was a relief that there hadn't been any important decisions to make, because he doubted he could have focused on anything besides her; _and what she'd said._

 _"My heart would not let me hate you."_

 _What could that mean? Or could it mean anything but the one thing it meant?_ Poe didn't know, and his heart was tired of not knowing. He had spent so much time, pinning for Rey, hoping that she would love him, not knowing if she did or not; when in the end she didn't the end.

Poe was surprised by the fact that when he thought about Rey and Ben now, the familiar ache that had been with him for the past 3 years, was less and less prominent; it was almost gone.But now there was a new ache, one he was still trying to understand, one he felt for Amala.

Amala, who looked just like a princess tonight, and more beautiful than any woman he had ever seen. She had left him speechless, when his eyes had fallen on her across the room, so he was grateful that she was so far away. He wouldn't know what to say, where to start even; so he just admired her from afar. Watched her chat and laugh with the other guests, while desperately wanting to hear the sound of her laughter and kiss the joy on her lips.

"Do you just have a soft spot for princesses?" Ben asked smirking,

as he took a sip of his drink.

Poe was startled to find the man was standing besides him. _How long had he been there?_

Ben raised his eyebrows as if expecting an answer from him. "Well?"

"Well what?" Poe demanded, confused and maybe a little bit embarrassed that Ben had caught him staring at Amala.

Ben chuckled. "You and princesses. You adored my mother," he explained, then turned his head to look at Amala himself, "and now it seems like you're adoring her."

Poe narrowed his eyes on him. The two of them had developed some sort of odd friendship, but Poe doubted that he wanted to talk to Ben about his feelings for Amala.

Ben just rolled his eyes at him. He could feel Poe's irritation through the Force. "Look, Dameron, you don't have to admit anything to me. Or to yourself for that matter," Ben added, "but maybe you should admit it to her." Ben raised his glass in salute to Poe as he turned around to leave, and as him and Poe stood shoulder to shoulder, Ben said: "I know you don't like it, Poe, but I know things about you, and the way you look at this woman, that was the way you used to look at Rey." Ben paused. "You don't look at Rey like that anymore."

 **A*A*A**

Rey felt a strong hand against the exposed skin of her back. She closed her eyes for a brief moment, the force of the electric current passing between the two of them too intense, too overwhelming for her senses.

"Hey," Ben said, slightly leaning over her shoulder and whispering in her ear.

His hot breath tickled the place where it landed on her neck and she found herself giggling. Rey turned around and placed her hands on his chest; underneath her palm, his heart was beating loudly. She looked up at him. He looked so handsome tonight, so regal. Rey felt a sudden urge to pull him close and kiss him. But she couldn't do that, not in front of all these people. But she did move closer and ran her hands up his chest, all the way to his shoulders and made them meet behind his neck; there, her fingers played with the curled ends of his hair.

Ben's eyes didn't leave hers for a second as he ran his palms up the sides of her back, his fingers gently grazing the exposed skin. He let his hands rest on her mid back and pulled her body closer to his. He leaned in. "I am going to kiss you, Rey," he whispered, his eyes dropping to her lips for a moment before returning to her eyes. "I am going to kiss you in front of all these people that will most likely be outraged by it," he said smirking, "but I don't care."

Rey was pulling Ben to her even before he'd stopped speaking, her hands were pressing against his neck, bringing his lips closer to hers. One of Ben's hands found its way to the back of Rey's head, angling it upwards so that their lips could meet.

Rey thought she heard a unified gasp coming from the crowd but she couldn't be sure. Soon, all her senses were overwhelmed by Ben, and his scent, and how his lips moved against hers, as if he wanted to explore every inch of them, as if he could never get enough. Her hand slipped back upon his chest; she loved to feel his heart beat against her palm.

Ben ended the kiss by leaving a trail of kisses along her top lip and her bottom lip, and then a quick, galant kiss of her cheek. Rey opened her eyes, she could only see him, everybody else was just a blur in the distance.

 **A*A*A**

Poe watched Ben and Rey kiss, as did the entire room, and was surprised to find himself smiling. He no longer felt jealous; not of Ben at least; at what the two of them had, _maybe_. In that moment, Poe's eyes searched for Amala across the room. When he spotted her, he sat his glass down on the table and marched to her. He didn't really think about what he was going to say, he hoped that that would come along the way.

Amala felt a presence behind her, a presence so powerful that she couldn't really concentrate on what Admiral John was saying. She closed her eyes when he said her name.

"Amala," Poe said and all conversation around her ceased. They were all looking at him, except her, she had her back turned to him but he could tell she had noticed him from the way her back straightened.

Amala took in a shaky breath and tried not to make eye contact with anybody as she turned around to look at him. Poe looked vaguely amused by the situation,he also looked very handsome in his red shirt, and the two combined, made him dangerously charming.

He smiled at her with only one corner of his mouth. "Would you offer me this dance, princess Amala?"he made a big deal of including her title.

She rolled her eyes at him but nodded nonetheless. When he extended his hand, hers slipped lightly into his. She looked at their linked hands and then back up at him; Poe was already looking at her, in a way he hadn't really looked at her before. He pulled her closer to him, before leading her onto the dance floor. There, he pulled her even closer to him and rested one hand on her lower back, where the ends of her hair were tickling his fingers.

As they swayed around the room, she couldn't help but notice how close they were. He was taller than her, her eyes only peaking over his shoulder, while his chin grazed against her forehead. Amala's hand was resting on his shoulder and she was so close to his chest that she swore she could hear his heart beating.

"The other night," Poe started a bit hesitantly, "when you came to my room..."

Amala tilted her head so that she could look at him; he was already looking at her. She nodded, feeling like he needed the reassurance.

"What you said..."Poe trailed off again as he led her around the room. He was a surprisingly good dancer. "I need to know what it meant," he explained and pleaded at the same time.

Amala looked away. "I thought you'd know," she whispered against his chest.

Poe leaned in closer and spoke somewhere near the side of her head, his hot breath tickling the skin there. "I think I need to hear you say it!"

Amala stopped and pulled away slightly so that she could look at him. "Why?"she demanded.

Poe let go of her when he realised that's what she wanted. "Because I've been there before," he said, "not knowing...I don't want to be there again."

Amala looked over to where Rey was. "I'm not her," she said, with both pain and resentment.

"I know that!"

"Do you?" She moved further away from him. Poe looked confused and hurt. Amala shook her head. "I don't want to be your replacement, Poe, or your second choice. I want you to see me as me, not as anything that has to do with Rey." She hated the fact that she was close to crying, she hated the fact that she had admitted all these things to him, and she hated the fact that she had just had an outburst in the middle of a dance; so she ran away. She ran away from the ballroom, through the open doors and out in the pouring rain.


	49. Part 49

**AN: Hello wonderful people! Thank you so so much to all of you who take the time to review! And thanks to all of you who have favourited and followed this story! You guys are awesome!!xxx**

 **Are you ready to see what happens after all the drama of the last chapter? Haha, hope you enjoy!**

Poe ran after Amala; because it seemed like the only logical thing to do, because his heart told him so. The rain was coming down heavy and he could barely see anything in the scarcely illuminated gardens. But he could see _her_ , her green dress was sparkling like a jewel even thorough the rain.

"Amala!" he called after her but she didn't stop. Poe ran faster, and in a few strides, he managed to catch up with her. "Amala, wait!" he said, grabbing her hand to stop her from running away again.

She turned around reluctantly but didn't bother to free her hand from his grasp. "What for, Poe?" she demanded angrily, although she was becoming tired of being angry with him.

Poe gently let go of her hand and looked into her eyes. "For me to find the right words apparently," he joked and Amala couldn't help but smile as well, her anger easing.

"Poe," she started but he cut her off.

"I am sorry for all of this,"he said lifting his hands. "I am sorry for what I said in there," he pointed to the ballroom, "and I am sorry that I made you run out in this rain in that beautiful dress." He took a step closer to her. "And I am sorry I didn't have the right words after we kissed, but I have them now," he said, moving even closer and cupping her face in his hands.

"Poe," she pleaded with him, not really sure for what, as he wiped the raindrops off her cheeks. She wanted to give in, but she was afraid.

"Amala," he spoke, his breath hot against her lips even through the rain, " I kissed you because you both infuriate and fascinate me," he laughed, "because you're beautiful and smart and brave and kind. I kissed you because I desperately wanted to." Poe smirked and pulled her closer until their lips met.

But Amala pulled away immediately. Poe looked hurt and confused. "What about Rey?" she asked, her voice slightly breaking, "What do you feel for her?"

It both amused and irritated Poe when Ben's words echoed in his mind. _You don't look at Rey like that anymore._ He really needed to get Ben out of his head, even though he was right.

"I love Rey," Poe admitted, but when he felt Amala stiffen in his arms, he quickly added, "but I am no longer _in love_ with her." He moved a wet strand of hair behind her ear.

Amala closed her eyes at his touch. "What about me, then?"she whispered, not finding the courage to open her eyes and look at him.

"I think that I could fall in love with you," he whispered against her cheek, "if you let me."

Amala opened her eyes and her green pupils were sparkling like her dress; it knocked the breath right out of him. "This scares me," she confessed.

"I know," he said, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "It scares me too," he chuckled, even though he was more serious than he'd ever been in his life, "but the thought of not giving in to this _frightens_ me."

Amala searched his eyes for a moment, before she reached out and pulled him to her, their lips meeting in a desperate kiss of need, as the rain kept pouring.

 **A*A*A**

Rey couldn't stop laughing as she ran to Ben's room, soaked to the bone. But her laugh died as soon she entered it, his room, his parent's former room. He had change it completely, the dark mahogany furniture, the burgundy colour, it all spoke of him. Rey felt overwhelmed by the sense of his presence in that room, the lingering of his personality in the books opened on the desk, in the sheets spread on the bed. She had been in his rooms before, on the First Order ships through their bond, and then later in his room on the Resistance; but none of those had been his, truly his, something to hold a part of him, to encompass his being.

Rey tore her gaze from Ben's bed when he spoke behind her. "Would you like a towel?"

He had finally caught up to her. They had decided to leave the party, and had ran through the pouring rain all the way back to the palace. Soaking wet, they'd chased each other through the house and into his room.

Rey turned around, feeling nervous all of a sudden. His dark, wet hair was stuck to his forehead and his tunic had become a darker blue due to the rain. He looked more handsome than he'd had all night.

"Yes, please," she heard herself say breathlessly.

The glee in Ben's eyes had also been replaced by something, but not nervousness, something else, something more passionate; his eyes were alight with it. He moved beyond Rey and opened a wardrobe from which he removed two white towels, throwing one her way. Rey caught it in her hands and started drying her arms.

Ben found himself fascinated by that, the way the towel erased the droplets of rain from her skin. She looked so disheveled, with her dress sticking to her body and her wet hair half falling down her back, while the other half was still held up by some intricate braids.

When she looked up at him, Ben looked away. He'd discarded his cape and was drying his hair. Rey felt an inexplicable urge to run her hands thorough his hair but she willed herself immobile. She'd stopped drying herself, she realised, and was just observing him: the way water dripped from the ends of his hair onto his tunic, the way his scar seemed to have gained a deeper red colour due to the rain.

When he realised she was watching him, Ben stopped what he was doing. "You should probably go," he said, his voice sounding slightly strangled.

Rey shrugged. "Or I could stay," she said breathlessly. She threw her towel to the floor and Ben's eyes flew to it, before returning to her.

"Rey," he said, almost as a warning; but against what, he didn't know.

"I _want_ to stay," she said as she started moving closer to him.

Ben didn't realise he was gripping the towel in his hand, until he let go of it. "If you stay..." he trailed off, not really finding the words.

Rey had crossed the space between them and was now only inches away. She nodded, understanding what he couldn't say. "I _want_ to stay," she whispered as she caressed his face with her palm.

He leaned into her touch. "Are you sure?" he whispered, his eyes closed.

"I've never been more certain of anything else in my life," she whispered back as she stood on tiptoes and kissed the scar on his cheek.

Ben let out a shaky breath and stared into her eyes before quickly and desperately pulling her to himself for a kiss.

 **A*A*A**

Sometime around midnight, the rain had stopped and the moon had peeked out from behind the clouds, casting Ben's room into magical grey light.

Ben was propped up against pillows, while Rey was resting her head on her elbow, looking up at him. She was drawing circles on his naked chest with the tips of her fingers.

"You are more beautiful than a thousand galaxies," Ben whispered,

fascinated by the way her skin glowed in the moonlight.Rey smiled at him, bitting her bottom lip. Gently, Ben ran his thumb over her lip, realising it from her teeth. Then, his eyes fell on the scar on her arm; he had kissed that scar when they'd made love, whishing it away.

"It's fading away," Rey said, knowing his thoughts.

Ben's eyes were glued to it."No, it's not."

Rey shook her head. "Not the scar, but the memory," she said, which made him look at her. "The pain, the _past_." She glanced at his own scars, the ones he'd gained the night his father died. "We're finally free."

Ben smiled and pulled her to his chest, kissing the top of her head. "We're finally free," he repeated.

 **AN: Oh my gosh, we are almost there! One last chapter to go! What!? Hope you enjoyed this and I am really excited for you to read the last one! :D just have to finish it first hihi xxxx**


	50. Part 50

**AN: Guys! This is it! We have come to the end of this wonderful journey! Thank you so much for all your love and encouragement throughout this all. I am so happy you liked this story! Thank you again xxxxx**

Ben's eyes fluttered open in the brightly lit room. The sun was shining as brightly as if there hadn't been a storm the night before, and there was a slight breeze in the room. He searched for Rey with his eyes and patted the bed with his hand; she wasn't there. He rubbed his eyes with his hand before running it through his hair, and sat up, leaning on his elbows. The door to the balcony was open and there she was, _his beautiful Rey_ , with her messy hair and holding the sheets around her body with her hands.

She'd sensed that he was awake so she turned around to smile at him. Ben offered her sleepy, sloppy smile in return.Rey giggled and walked up to him and climbed into the bed. Ben made some space for her next to him, and propped himself up against the headrest, making the sheets fall lower down his torso, which made Rey blush. He loved the rosy colour of her cheeks, so he reached out and caressed them. Rey leaned into his touch.

"How did you sleep?"he asked her, his voice groggy with sleep.

Rey kissed the inside of his palm. "Perfect," she whispered against his skin. "I've always slept alone, I didn't know how it would feel to sleep with you."

"Hmm," Ben mused, "I knew."

Rey's eyes widened. "How?"

"Well," he replied, letting his hand slide down her arm, "once, the Force connected us in our sleep. I just woke up one night and you were there, right beside me, just sleeping blissfully."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

Ben shrugged. "It was something that I liked keeping to myself. Plus, you didn't remember it."

Rey shoved him in the chest lightly, but then her heart rested there, on his skin, over his heart. She looked from her hand to his eyes and said:"I want to show you something."

"Alright," Ben nodded.

Rey shuffled closer to him on the bed and removed her hand from his chest and gingerly touched his forehead, moving aside some pieces of hair. "Close your eyes," she whispered and Ben did so. She closed her own eyes and reached out to him with the Force, his own Force so eager to meet hers, that they almost bumped into each other; it made Rey smile.

Ben quieted his own thoughts, allowing Rey's to take over his mind. Their Forces meddled together more easily than they had ever done before, perhaps due to their intimacy, to the new way they now _knew_ each other. Ben smiled when he thought about that, she was his, truly his:her mind, her body and her Force; and he was hers, he had _always_ ever been hers. So he allowed her to take over his mind and his senses, the only thing he knew in that moment was her, and what she knew; and there, at the edges of her mind, a vision started forming. Ben went to it, desperate to see it and decipher it; but this one wasn't as hidden and blurry as the others had been. No, this one was clear and bright, each of its outlines defined, and Ben could see it all as clearly as he had seen his surroundings only minutes ago.

Ben felt Rey urge him to watch the vision and so he did. He could see Leda, the place where they were now, but probably some time in the future. The place looked more prosperous, more populated even. He looked around and he could tell that he was in the gardens of the palace, overlooking the city. He could also hear voices and laughter coming from the inside. He recognised Rey's voice and his own, even though they both sounded a bit different. But then, there were other voices too, the voices of young children, a couple of them. Ben turned around and saw a young boy and a girl, both with dark curly hair; the boy and the girl looked the same age, but while he had piercing green eyes, she had dark brown ones, just like her father. _Her father_ , he was their father, he didn't know how, but somehow, he _knew_ for sure that they were his; his and Rey's children. He looked at the older version of himself, walking out the patio doors, holding hands with an older version of Rey; he saw the wedding bands around both their fingers. And he noticed something else, the clothes he was wearing, there were Jedi clothes, but they weren't white, they were grey; Rey was wearing the same thing.

"Leia, be nice to your brother."

Ben heard vision-Rey say and he looked at the little girl then. They had decided to call her Leia, like his mother. Ben looked at the older version of Rey and smiled.

"Luke, take care of that toy! Your grandfather gave it to me and I intend to keep it." Ben heard the older version of himself say lovingly, though with authority. He looked at the boy's toy then, even though he already knew what he was going to see. And there it was, in the boy's little hands rested the Millennium Falcon miniature he had gotten when he was his age. He watched the boy nod vehemently to his father, before he returned his adoring gaze back to the small ship.

"One day," he heard the boy whisper, and the vision ended.

Ben opened his eyes to look at Rey; she was already looking at him. He smiled wider than he'd ever had, and grabbing the hand she'd placed on his face, he brought it to his lips and kissed it a thousand times; which made Rey giggle.

When Ben finally finished the sweet assault on her hand, he asked. "Twins?"

Rey nodded, her own smile widening. "Luke and Leia."

"Luke and Leia..."he repeated.

"A brand new Skywalker bloodline."

Ben moved a piece of hair behind her ear. "I think I want them to be called Solo."

Rey took a hold of his hand and interwove their fingers. She studied their two hands together and how it affected the Force around them in such a powerful way. It made everything calm, peaceful...balanced. Rey looked back up at Ben; the greatest love of her life.

"I think that's perfect."

 ** _The end._**

 **AN: Done! This is it! Thank you again for all the love you gave this story! I hope this was a satisfying ending for all of you!**

 **Poe and Amala will also live happily ever after, in case you were wondering, but jut felt like Ben and Rey should own this last chapter! :)**

 **If you still feel like you need some Reylo in your life, you can go check out my Reylo Oneshots or my other Reylo fic When we were young(that's also completed), if you haven't done so yet.**

 **Sending you lots of hugs xxxx**


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